Day 290/365: Tummy Control Pants

So today I had an oral exam. For those of you who are new to de blog, I am an OB/GYN resident. This means I am a fake doctor a doctor that is still in training. I did 5 years of undergrad, 4 years of med school, followed by 4 years of residency (I'm in my third year) and every so often, they like to test us to see if we do indeed know things. Once a year, we do an oral exam to see if we can articulate what we know rather than check a box/make an educated guess.

Well, because of the oral exam, I had to dress up more than I normally would, i.e., I had to wear a suit. Because I am fatter than I have been previously, I don't have any suits that fit - just some jackets and some pants. Today I opted to wear my tummy control pants. I haven't worn these pants before. I ordered them offline because I had some Lane Bryant money and they were having a BOGO 50% sale. When they say they're tummy control pants, what it means is that when you're standing up your tummy is super cinched in by how effing tight these pants are (and thus your tummy has been controlled) and when you sit down, a whole new Hell is unleashed on your abdomen. The super tight band is now creating an extra roll (which is what I thought it would be controlling), digging into your fat so aggressively that I felt as though I was being stabbed by my pants. I could not get comfortable sitting down, which is kind of problematic in my line of work, or you know, in life. When appropriate (i.e., driving), I undid my pants altogether. In short, what I would like to communicate is that I learned the hard way that tummy control pants are essentially made by the devil. Do not make the same mistake I did, folks.

In other news, my oral exam went well and then I went to the office. They had another sponsored lunch there and I ate only two cookies instead of three. Also, I avoided the chips and only ate one half sandwich. I know that's not impressive to some people, but it is progress for me. So, I'll take it. I also went to the gym after work and did some cardio and lifting. All in all, I'm pretty pleased. 

Now, the second half of my week (i.e., Thursday, Friday, and the weekend) is usually where I fall even further off the wagon than the first half (probably because I'm a re-committer every Sunday night). So, my goal for tomorrow is to continue to work towards eating healthier (I packed a lot of produce tonight in anticipation), to hit the gym, and to do some blogging. I'm also trying to get back into the swing of taking pictures of my food, but I am seriously forgetful until I have one bite left. I'm working on it.

Cheers! 

P.S. I would like to congratulate myself on using "i.e.," so much this post. So, congratulations to me.

Busy, busy, busy but not so healthy

The last few days have been a swift reminder that I went into one hectic field. Recently there have been a lot of new babies born, which is great, but also a lot of work. It's my first time back on OB since July and man oh man, the learning curve is steep. But I'll make it through. It has, however, led me into some poor eating habits and I am excited to start with a fresh slate tomorrow!

Since finishing my exam on Tuesday, I've been pretty busy (read: haven't exactly been to the gym). Wednesday I hung out with a friend that I haven't seen in a bit because I was trying to study a lot. Thursday, I sat around and watched some TV (Thursdays are typically my chillax night as it's an early start day). Friday, I grabbed dinner with a co-intern and then ran home to watch the Project Runway Finale. Yesterday, I had some friends come over with dinner to catch up and hang out. And today, I did technically go to the gym, but it was to soak in the hot tub/de-stress my knee. Last night, it got super achy and locked up on me to the point where doing the stairs was really difficult and painful. And then this morning, I couldn't bear weight on it and limped around a lot of the day. I'm not sure what I did to it, but whatever's happening with my body, I'm over it. It's time to get healthy again and feel good again!

Tomorrow is Monday and I usually like to fast on Mondays because it's a good way to reset a week. And tomorrow I'll be doing a few C-sections and then spending my afternoon doing ultrasounds, so it'll be good that I'll be distracted enough to keep my mind off eating. I'm also planning on putting in some time on the elliptical tomorrow to get my knee moving and healing (I hope).

Tuesday will be back to healthy eating and I'll have a training session with my personal trainer.

Wednesday, I will likely fast and then do a cardio night.

Thursday will be my off night. 

Friday, I will hit up the gym before my interview dinner for the incoming interns. 

Saturday and Sunday I'm not working (which is awesome) and I'll be doing some strength training and probably some hot tub soaking.

It'll be a good week!

FREEDOM and Andrea Bocelli...?

So, I was all celebrating my freedom from big ass tests, and I was watching the Tonight Show and Andrea Bocelli was on it last night. After he was done singing, Jimmy came over to chat with him and he didn't open his eyes. And then I was like, "Is Andrea Bocelli blind and that's something I should have known?" Googled it. Yup. I legit always thought he was one of those singers who always closes their eyes while they sing. So, glad I admitted to that on the internet.

In other words: DONE WITH BIG ASS TESTS. For now. Today was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. The day was supposed to be 9 hours or so, but I blew through the 13 cases at the end of the exam and was done by 2:30ish. So, I drove home, hit up the gym, went to the post office, and then watched Blindspot and Jimmy Fallon. Now I'm going to get ready for bed because it's back to the real world, people and my real world starts waaaay too early. Like be at work at 6 a.m. early. So, my poor alarm is being set for 4:30 a.m. Waaah. That's literally 3 hours earlier than I had to be at work for outpatient internal medicine. Why did I choose OB again? I don't know either.

In other news, I got to catch up with a med school friend on the phone tonight and this weekend, I'm going to get to see some other ones, which I'm super pumped about! I'm also working this weekend, which I'm not super pumped about. Womp, womp.

But, really, that's about it for me. I haven't heard back from the Edoughable folks about a coupon code for all you fine people, but I'm hoping it's because they get so much email, not because they're ignoring me.

Cheers!

Breakfast: the only thing I photographed today...sorry!

Gulp

Big test day 1 = tomorrow. Here goes [literally] nothing. Yikes. Yikes. Yikes. 

If someone had told me that going into medicine/being a doctor/training to be a doctor, would create so much anxiety in my life, I honestly think I'd forego the whole damn thing. Yeah, I like my job. A lot. But I also like my sanity and life's comforts: like sleeping past 6 a.m., not taking board exams all the damn time, and having a life outside work.

Blah.

Anywho. Tomorrow = test day one of two days of 17 hours of testing (with approximately 3 hours of breaks). Blech.

Me vs. the elliptical - guess who was the winner?

Today was productive, but yesterday just seemed über productive, so perhaps today was just bound to pale in comparison. Nevertheless, I woke up early without an alarm (8:30 is still early to me, folks), and then did some studying before deciding to hit up yoga and swim after cuz my low back was hurting me like whoa. So, after less than an hour of studying, I took a break. 

Yoga was a bust. This instructor is just okay. There are times when she takes you through flows that just don't flow. I feel like your body should just be able to go with it and the few times I've been to her classes, there are a couple times when you just don't flow. She also shows you how to do a flow once or twice and then instructs you to go at your own pace for the next three flows. Now, if I were brand new to yoga, I'd be completely intimidated by this. It doesn't bother me so much, but because I'm so busy remembering the damn flow, I forget to breathe. And breathing well is like the most important part of yoga. And I thought that going to yoga would help with my low back. Nope. There were poses I couldn't even get into because my low back just wouldn't have it. So, yoga was a major bust.

After yoga, I suited up to go for a swim, but I left my goggles and nose plug thingy in my bag. I did a few little baby laps (without sticking my head underwater) for 10 minutes or so and then hopped out and into the hot tub. I gave myself a water massage...ish. Basically, I planted my ass in front of a jet and just let it pulsate on my low back for 10 minutes. It was awesome. Then I showered at the gym, which was horrifying (WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEE-THROUGH PARTS OF THE SHOWER CURTAIN AT CHEST LEVEL?) and then promptly dropped my clean underwear in the wet shower as I was getting dressed. But I hurried home and put on a new pair. I think the pool and hot tub will be reserved for weekends as a post-workout treat so that if I do drop my underwear again, I can just go home after ;-)

The rest of the day, my back felt pretty great and I studied a lot. I got really antsy around 4:30 having sat around for the last 5 hours studying, so I opted to go back to the gym. It was that or go stir crazy. I did about 50 minutes on the elliptical. It was awesome. I don't know how or why I had so much energy, but for the first time in forever, I beat the elliptical's calorie counter. Usually when I do the elliptical, the machine's calorie counter is anywhere from 10-50 calories ahead of my heart rate monitor's calorie counter. Now, I was told once that all machine calorie counters are calibrated to a muscley, fit man. So, I usually try to come close with my personal calorie counter on my heart rate monitor. But, today, I was able to keep my heart rate up for most my elliptical experience and I beat the calorie counter by a good 30 calories. Beat that, muscley fit man!

I got home, studied some more, slacked off and watched some Jimmy Fallon and James Corden clips and then got back to studying. I imagine tomorrow will be lots of studying as well. What fun. I am thinking about waking up at 6 to get a tiny bit of studying in before work tomorrow, but sleep is a very important part of my life, so we'll see what time I get to bed before I make such a rash decision.

In other news, I'm going to do a weigh-in tomorrow. Boo. It's going to be bad. But, I've gotta own it so I can make some progress. Here's today's food photos.

Lunch (same as yesterday because it's a damn good sandwich)

Grapes in the afternoon

I was craving pickles today

Made a smoothie to go with dinner

Yum!

Dinner: TJ's mini pepperoni pizza

Evening snack

Not pictured: Luna bar + apple for breakfast, the handful of chocolate chips I munched before the gym, the second snack pickle I ate because yummm, the cheese stick I had post-popcorn because cheese is legit.

I also think I'm going to do a photo a day everyday for a while because I think it'll help motivate me to lose more weight. And because everybody loves selfies. Or at least Kim Kardashian does.

Songs I'm currently obsessed with:

Every time I hear "Shut up and Dance," or "Better When I'm Dancin'" I stop studying and have a little dance party. Any good dance party songs you're listening to lately? Also, Adele! YOU'RE BACK AND YOU'RE STILL AMAZING. 

Gifts/motivation for weight loss

This weekend was a bit more chill for me. I really needed that. It's been go, go, go for the last few weekends. I think I've worked the last 5 or 6 weekends in a row. This weekend was just a Friday night late night shift and an overnight shift Saturday night (7p to 7a). Typically I try to nap before a shift, but my little ol' brain just wouldn't shut down, so Saturday night was looooong with a lot of patients who screamed during labor and delivery. It was a bit intense for my eardrums. When I came back home, all I wanted was peace and quiet and my bed. I slept until 3:30 p.m., hit the gym, went grocery shopping, had Sara over for dinner, and then laid in bed not sleeping (probably since I slept until 3:30 p.m.)

This morning, I weighed in - and yayyyyy!

Yay!

You can see my weigh-ins here. Since recomitting to my weight loss journey, I've lost 19.4 pounds. Now, before I get all crazy and buy myself new shoes (which I promised myself I'd do when I was in the 220s), I want my next weigh-in to remain in the 220s. Since I'm pretty famous for losing and then regaining, I am waiting until I have one more weigh-in under my belt that is in the 220s. Then I'll order my new shoes.

My next big goal will be for the 210's. If I can get there and stay there for two consecutive weeks, I will buy myself two new pair of compression socks. 

Anywho, tomorrow is a fasting day in addition to being a personal trainer day. Usually I don't fast on trainer days, but since I didn't fast today, it was the only day that really made sense. I'm sure I'll be fine. 

Tomorrow I'll take photos of my eats for the day - I promise!

Do you give yourself any gifts/motivation to meet your weight loss goals?

A day off from the gym

So Thursdays are our long day at work because it's education day. Lectures start at 6:00 a.m. and go to 8:00 a.m. Beforehand, I have to do all my rounds. So, it's usually an early, early day. Fortunately, the 6:00 a.m. lecture was canceled, so it wasn't as early as it could have been. However, Thursday is also our late stay day because the night team has to stay while we are in lectures. So, we start early and end late. Anywho, I have decided given that it's our late day, Thursdays will be my day off gym-wise and will be my night to watch some TV on my iPad, catch up on household chores, and sleep.

So, that's what I did today. Work was busy, busy, busy. I get most my 10,000 steps in before I leave work. And I've decided to do the stairs for everything (minus the start and the end of the day when I'm eager to get to work and eager to leave). Sometimes this means 7 flights at a time. My quads are getting stronger and I'm getting less winded with time.

In other news, I'm officially ordained for my friends' wedding! It was stupid easy. Aaaaand, my dress is on its way. The nice thing about this website my friend chose is that you can do custom measurements so that they get your size rightish. The bad thing is that you don't get to try anything on unless you pay $10 per dress. Sooo, I ordered it sight unseen. Hopefully it looks okay.

Today was a good day eating-wise. I had a good breakfast, which apparently I didn't take a picture of - just eggs, banana, ham, and watermelon. I had my protein yogurt shake during lecture and tried to hydrate because I've been hydrating poorly lately. I had an apple for lunch because it was all I could grab inbetween surgeries and consults. After my last surgery, I grabbed a pear and then a bit later made a trip to the cafeteria and grabbed a grilled chicken sandwich (without cheese) and lots of mango.

When I got home, I opted for just some hydration and then tried to modify the recipe for a single serving cookie. Last time, I followed the recipe to a T. But this time, I opted to soften the butter and use some egg white rather than milk. But, there was a bit too much egg white and it was runny and the cookies turned out a bit cake-like.

Single serving of cookies

So, I'll have to keep modifying since last time the cookie was a bit dry. I'm sure I'll get it one of these days.

Does anyone else know any single serving recipes for dessert? If I make a batch of cookies, I binge eat either the cookies or the dough, so really, it's a no-go for me. I could tell myself that I'll take them to work, but sometimes I don't actually do that. So, no reason to invite that kind of stress in my life. 

How is life out there in the real world? I've been trapped in the hospital a lot lately and I'm working yet again this weekend - it's the 5th or 6th one in a row now. Blech.

A few bad days doesn't mean failure

I have to admit, I had plenty of time to blog over the weekend, but I didn't want to blog over the weekend because I was eating poorly and I didn't want to admit it. I binged a bit on Saturday and felt bad about myself. And I didn't start to spiral, per se, but I did get into the whole, "Well, you may as well call today a wash," type of feeling. Today, however, I had personal training with my new personal trainer, Jack. And I was a bit nervous because I hadn't been to the gym since last Wednesday given my crazy work schedule - Thursday was late stay (until 6:30), Friday was later stay (until 11pm), and I worked Sunday and Monday (the holiday that most everyone else gets off). Sooo, yes, I could have gone to the gym Saturday, but I was all: I want the afternoon and evening to be with my friends and my morning to catch up with life at home (i.e., cleaning, balancing my budgets, etc).

Anywho, I digress. I met with my personal trainer today and I was nervous because of the lack of working out. I know it hadn't been a full week, but I was all, "Oh, shit. I'm going to be super out of shape and he's going to notice and judge me." And then you know what? I rocked my workout. I got in a good 28 minutes of elliptical before my session and then I rocked my session. Jack had to remind me to take breaks because he told me I was being too much of a machine. But, I wanted to keep the energy up and keep my heart rate up, so I kept on going. We focused on back, triceps, and something else (probably biceps given the way my arms are feeling). I'm probably going to be all jiggly armed tomorrow, which might be a bad thing given the fact that I have 6 surgeries...

Anywho, the eats today were decent. The trough (which is where the residents get free lunch) was legitimately all carbs. I grabbed some veggie lasagna (one scoop) and then one scoop of mac and cheese (which was SO GREASY) and filled the rest of my plate with salad. I ate a pear as well and then was treated to a yogurt by a co-resident when I complained that I was still hungry.

Tomorrow is going to be a fasting day, which should be relatively easy with my back-to-back surgeries. I'm thinking I may also fast on Thursday and Friday because my sweet tooth has been majorly flaring and a nice food reset may be in order. We'll see.

Today's breakfast

Today's dinner

The Memorial Day weekend team

Sunday night reading by the lake

I love being so close to the water!

That's all for now. No weigh-in this week - I'm on my period and I didn't want to face the scale after my overeating this weekend. I'll do a weigh-in next Monday!

What do you do when you've had a bad eating day or meal? How do you convince yourself to hop back on the wagon?

Rejuvenated!

Today's theme: REJUVENATION.

Thank God it's a new month. Thank God it's a new rotation. Thank God I don't ever have to do an emergency room rotation again. Thank God I'm home before the sun goes down. Thank God that today was a million times better than every single day last month combined. Seriously, everyone. THANK GOD.

Today I woke up at 4:00 a.m. I shit you not. 4:00 a.m. This was not exactly the time I wanted to wake up because holy eff, that is early when you're used to rolling out of bed anywhere between 7 and 8:30 a.m. everyday. But, it is what it is. I high tailed it to work because I thought I had a bunch of patients to round on. Nope. Just one. Soooo, I had a lot of time to look up my patients that were going to be here for surgery and learn all their personal information by heart (I got to work at 5:15).

After getting sign out, seeing my patient with my chief, I got to go do some very basic surgeries - some bread and butter cases of a GYN resident. IT WAS THE BEST. Yes, my low back is sore from standing for so long without a break. Yes, my urine was the yellowest it's been in a while because I didn't even have time to grab something to drink. And yes, my knees are swollen. But, it is 100% worth it.

The rest of my day was pretty chill - just checked up on some patients and worked on some things for days to come. After getting out at 5:00 p.m. (which is a million times better than getting out at 8:00 p.m.), I ran home for a quick snack (I did get a chance to eat lunch during the day), and then threw on my gym clothes to have a session with my brand new personal trainer. I'm not sure what happened to my old one. They gave me the standard, "He's no longer with us," but this one was pretty great. So, despite my bitching, I'm glad that change happened. Today we mostly did squats, lunges, bicep curls, crunches, medicine ball core work, and ropes. It was a pretty solid work out. My only complaint is that it didn't get my heart rate up much - it was more strengthening. This new guy and I also talked about doing weights and measurements every two weeks, which I like.

Now that I'm home, I'm going to read up on a few things for work, trying to organize my computer (it's getting s l o w - gotta delete some old files, I think) wash up for bed, and maybe eat a little something. I'm not that hungry, but I think I'll regret not eating in about an hour as my stomach is growling in bed. So, maybe a little Laughing Cow cheese wedge with some pretzel crisps - sounds good just thinking about it.

In other news, I weighed in yesterday. I post it on my weigh-in page, but I didn't feel up to blogging last night since I was busy reading up about upcoming surgeries.

A few more pounds until NEW SHOES!

Food shots for you:

Yesterday's breakfast

Yesterday's dinner

And tomorrow I'm going to hit up the gym for some post-work cardio and then head to a friend's for a nice home-cooked meal. Yum.

REJUVENATED.

So many questions - please help!

Well, it's been a while yet again since I've blogged. The good news is that once it becomes the magical month of September, I'll be able to blog some more. The bad news is that I'm still one ER shift away from said magic. I cannot continue to stress how much I hate the ER. I am so, so, so glad that there are nurses and techs and doctors who want to do that for a living because I will never, ever, no matter how much someone was willing to pay me, want to be an ER physician ever again. 

Okay, now that we've covered that, we can move on. The weight loss thing is still going pretty well. I really did enjoy being able to go to the gym before work this month because I think that's a great thing for your metabolism, but there's no way I'm going to be able to keep that up with 6:00 a.m. report times. To be honest, this is mostly to do with the gym hours. The gym doesn't open until 5:00 a.m. and there's no way I can fit my workout, shower, breakfast, and commute into an hour. However, I was thinking about signing up for a free 30-month subscription to Daily Burn and trying some at-home workouts before starting my day. Has anyone tried it? If you have, please give me your thoughts!

I'm still fasting twice a week. In fact, I fasted today since my stomach was a bit off before I went in to work and not eating may have been a good thing. It was slow as fuck at work today, which makes fasting harder than when work is just passing you right on by. However, I was able to stay in my calorie goal for my fasting days if you don't count the half a handful of chocolate chips I just ate because I was super craving something sweet and that was the only thing handy.

Other than that, I'm working on some things in my personal life: budgeting, studying, and getting ready for my third board exam. I just spent the last few weeks trying to figure out how to set a good budget for my income (residents get paid less than minimum wage if you divide our salary by our 80-hour work weeks), how to fit in some studying throughout the day, and how to apply for my last set of boards (for a little while). For me, if you take your third set of board exams within the first 18 months of residency, the program will pay for it. Sooo, yup. Definitely going to take advantage of that. That's $815 I won't have to worry about.

I'm also getting ready for my friend's wedding in October. She recently asked me to officiate her wedding in addition to being a bridesmaid. So, if anyone has ever done that and has some thoughts, I'd be happy to hear them.

For now, that's about it. I'll weigh-in tomorrow and do a post on my weight loss while celebrating being done with the ER for life!!!

New shoe goal + a weigh-in

Sorry I've been so absent in my posting. I usually like to post after work and over the last week, I've had a lot of evening engagements:

• Last Tuesday - dinner with my friend Adam
• Last Wednesday - visit from my old personal trainer (and friend) Mark
• Last Thursday - visit from Anthony
• Last Friday - Last Saturday - bachelorette party on the west side of the state
• Last Sunday - working an overnight in the ER
• Yesterday - Yoga class at L.A. Fitness

So, you see, I've been a busy Danika. It doesn't help that my ER shifts are from 10 a.m. to 8 p.m., making my evenings incredibly short. However, I'm glad to be able to spend so much time with friends lately - helps keep me grounded.

In other news, because of weird sleep patterns following my overnight shift in the ER, I delayed my weigh-in until today. It was a good one, finally ;-)

Last week, I weighed in at 242.6, so I lost 5 pounds in a week. I'm not quite sure how, to be honest, but I think it's because I've finally added back in some legit strength training and because I'm doing my workouts first thing in the morning most days and studies have shown that exercise is more effective when done fasting (read: before you eat in the morning). I also think it's because I got my bingeing out of the way the previous week and was pretty consistent with my diet. The last change is working in the ER. Since my shifts don't start until 10 a.m., I usually eat before I go in and then I'm not really hungry until dinner time. And when it is dinner time, I usually just grab a grilled chicken sandwich, some kind of fruit, and maybe a bar (like a kind bar, or something 150 calories or less). 

Tomorrow I'm planning on doing a nice long strength training workout in the morning and then fasting during the day since I was off on Monday and didn't fast. I'm also planning on fasting on Thursday - we'll see how fasting on back-to-back days works out for me.

Other than that, I think I have a new goal to work towards for my new shoes: getting back into the 220s. Once I'm 229.9 pounds, I'm going to count that as qualifying to get new shoes. Even though I think losing 6 pounds in two weeks is totally obtainable given this week's weigh-in, I think this will help me to push myself a bit more. I haven't been in the 220s since February 2013, per my weigh-in page. So, it's about time and what better way to celebrate than with new shoes?

What do you use to motivate yourself to accomplish your goals?

Other photos for you:

Breakfast from last week

Yummy dinner sandwich

Mid-week treat

Fasting day breakfast

Typical breakfast

Farmer's market find

With the bachelorette

Falafel + baba ghanoush from

Today's lunch

Messy kitchen because I spent the afternoon baking

Cookies for journal club + brownies for Nasur's birthday package

Baking compliments of the interwebs

Though today was an early rise day, I felt pretty good about it. I wasn't in any pain, which was great. Getting to work at 5? Not so great. And staying at work until 7? Also not my favorite. But, I had a good day. I got to do some C-sections in the morning and kept busy running around in triage in the afternoon. I only got tired when we sat down for lectures in the afternoon. That's also about when I got hungry since it was a fasting day.

And since it was a fasting day, I hurried on home once I got off work so I could eat. I was planning on exercising, but I started getting a hunger headache and I knew working out would be a bitch. So, I guess tonight is another relaxation night? But don't you worry - tomorrow is my long workout day and I'm super looking forward to it!

And since it was my relaxation night, I baked a little bit. I tried a new healthier cookie recipe that was awesome. The dough was pretty darn good and I tried two of the cookies - one from each cookie sheet. I'll take the rest in for work because I'll eat them all myself if I keep them. The other residents are a big fan of me liking to bake so much - the zucchini bread was a big hit earlier this week. 

That's about it for me right now!

Any healthy recipe sites you guys like? That blog for the cookie recipe is pretty legit and I am looking forward to trying some other recipes.

High protein breakfast for the fasting day

This is what it looks like driving to work at 4:45 a.m., in case you wanted to know

Part one of dinner

Part two of dinner

Cookies - I burned these a bit; the second batch was better 

Feeling inadequate and getting adjusted

So today started out with a dilemma because I was having a bit more back and hip pain than recently. I couldn't figure out if I should cancel my trainer appointment and just get adjusted today or tough it out until Friday. After talking to Nasur, I opted to cancel my trainer appointment. And that was definitely a good choice given the operating I had to do today with a very short attending who kept the table at her height (read: lots of bending at awkward angles for me). The chiropractor wasn't surprised to hear that I was getting sore again, but when he adjusted me, he said I was still pretty decently aligned. So, he recommended just getting adjusted once a week from here on out, but that I should come again Monday just in case I get out of whack again this weekend.

In other news, I think because my Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays are a bit more challenging than my Thursdays and Fridays, I get down on myself. I mean, I really struggle with some things and I know it's only my first month and I'll get the hang of things, but man oh man, I hate feeling so inadequate. It wasn't helped by one attending who stopped one of my seniors from letting me do something today because he needed to remember that I "don't know anything - I mean, basically nothing." Um, I did go to medical school. So, I probably know something. I belittle myself enough - I really don't need someone else to do it, too. But I just smiled and thanked her for teaching me because getting upset with her for being unkind isn't going to get me anywhere. And that's another reason I'm glad I took tonight for myself. I got adjusted, grabbed some groceries, and relaxed at home. I'm going to bed soon because I have to be at work at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow since we have lecture from 6-8 a.m. and have to see all of our patients beforehand.

Sooo, sorry this isn't a more exciting entry, but I'm exhausted and a little bummed.

Breakfast

Lunch: a gyro, banana, and grapes

Dinner = toast + bruschetta (among other things)

Catch you guys on the flip side in a better mood, I promise!

Weigh-in and trying something new

So, today I was hesitant about whether or not I wanted to weigh in given that mid-week last week I hadn't lost any weight (I had actually gained like 0.2-0.4 pounds) and didn't have much of an opportunity to go to the gym: I worked late Friday, got adjusted on Saturday (and my chiropractor told me no gym afterwards), and then I went to hang out with friends on Sunday. I was thinking I would "forget," but then I decided that I owed it to myself to be honest with myself. So, I weighed in.

Now, it's only a 0.6 pound loss since last week, but I'll take it since a) I'm back in the 230s and b) it's still a loss. I'm using this as a motivation to lose that 4.4 pounds to get new shoes. It's going to mean a lot of on point eating and high intensity work outs with strength training. I think I can do it!

In other news, I noticed that I bruised my hand yesterday playing frisbee. I didn't know that was a thing.

I'm not sure you can see it, but it's at the base of my index finger and when I hit it on the steering wheel just right, it was a little jolt of pain. Otherwise, don't worry - I think I'll make it.

Also, on the good news train: I woke up without back or hip pain today. I think I'm going to go for an adjustment tomorrow after work and then go for a swim at the gym, since swimming is something I'm supposedly allowed to do. Now, I've never gone swimming in a public pool since high school because I have this weird thing where I feel compelled to plug my nose at all times when I'm underwater. Fortunately, I have a nose plug. I also have a crappy pair of goggles. So, I tried on some of my one pieces last night and found one that'll do the job and have promised myself I'll go after being adjusted tomorrow. And I have to say, props to me for trying something completely new and out of my comfort zone. 

Today at work was a typical Monday for me: slow morning and fast afternoon. It was also a fasting day, so I tried to keep breakfast smaller, so I omitted the bread in exchange for a yogurt protein smoothie. It was a good choice, I guess. However, around 9:00 a.m., my stomach started audibly growling. Whoops.

After work, the interns got together to study some good stuff. Today we discussed preterm labor and reviewed some basic anatomy. And, Alisha was kind enough to feed us some legit white chicken chili, which I've never had before. It seemed like it was pretty healthy, so despite not being able to control my own food on a fasting day, I think I was pretty close with my calorie goal for the day.

Learning

So, wish me luck on my new things tomorrow! Do you have to psych yourself up for trying a new activity or are you really easy going? Any tips for being nervous about making an ass of myself?

Sunday Funday

Having a random night shift in the middle of weeks of day shifts is a bit hard to adjust to. However, it still allows you to have somewhat of a weekend, which was kind of nice.

When I went in to work, there weren't any laboring patients, so I had it pretty easy. I saw quite a few patients in triage and sent most of them home. Despite the fact that it wasn't very busy, the time really flew by and I had some great med students helping me out. When I got home, I fell asleep almost instantly and woke up with no low back pain or hip pain. I was pumped. Yesterday was the first time I'd woken up without back pain and I was a little worried it would be a one time deal. But, nope. So, that seals it - I'm definitely heading back to the chiropractor this week.

After waking up, I hurriedly put some things together to head to my friend Monica's place. She was having some people over to hang out and go swim in the lake she lives on. It was just what I needed - hanging out with some non-medical people, eating some not so healthy food (read: pizza and brownies) and spending time in the sun relaxing.

Now I'm home and cleaning up a bit so that I can start my last week of OB off on the right foot. Tomorrow will also be a fasting day, so I'm taking a look at what my meals will be now so that I don't go too far astray from my goals. Tomorrow is also my hardest day of the week because I run the board and triage all afternoon by myself, meaning I'm responsible for all of the patients in labor. It's a lot of responsibility and I'm still pretty darn slow. But I'm usually too busy to think about being hungry.

Tomorrow the other interns and I are planning on doing some anatomy review and so I'll either hit the gym late or not at all. We'll see how I'm feeling. Anywho, I didn't take any photos today - sorry about that!

What's your favorite summer activity? I definitely love to be outdoors swimming in a pool or on the beach!

Busy life and feeling down on myself

Sorry for the lack of the blogging lately. I've been stupid busy lately, which I'm sure no one saw coming ;-)

Since chatting with you on Tuesday, I've met with my trainer again, seen Trainwreck, gone to bed at 7:30 and worked until 11 p.m.

On Wednesday I had another training appointment with Troy. This time he created a circuit for me that was pretty hard. First, I did plate pushes, followed by step-knees (where I held some weights and stepped up on an aerobic step), followed by plate pushes again, followed by inchworms, followed by push-ups, followed by sit-ups, followed by battle ropes. I did that twice and then did a circuit where I kept doing the activity until he told me to move on to the next one. After that, I did some wall sits and then did some more battle ropes. It was a hard, sweaty workout and I'm glad it was a full body workout - last time we just focused on back and shoulders and I felt as though I didn't get that great of a workout. This time was way better. After training, I rushed home to change and run to Jimmy John's before meeting up with some other residents to go see Trainwreck, the new Amy Schumer movie. I thought it was pretty good. I'm not her biggest fan given that she can be a bit crude, but I laughed a lot and enjoyed myself.

On Thursday, I was really tired. Likely from staying out so late (read: past 10 p.m.) and I ended up really slowing down during the day Thursday. Thursday was also a fasting day, but I didn't do a great job because I went to Trader Joe's after work and ended up eating a whole bag of turkey jerky (which is only about 250 calories), but I also ate a bunch of watermelon and shrimp. So, I went over my calorie goal for a fasting day and felt kinda shitty about it. Shitty enough to weigh myself Friday morning and discover I'd made no weight loss progress.

Friday I had the distinct pleasure of working the long shift - 7 a.m. to 11 p.m. My Fridays are usually pretty chill with ultrasound in the morning and clinic in the afternoon. Then I covered consults and C-sections in the evening and there were a lot of them. Go figure. But I liked being able to stay busy until I got to go home.

Today I woke up, showered, and went to see the chiropractor for the first time. Given that I'm an MD, most people in my profession think that chiropractors are not real doctors since they never went to medical school. However, they learned something I never did: how to manipulate people's musculoskeletal system. Anywho, since about May, I've been waking up with really bad low back pain and hip pain. It usually goes away a few hours after I wake up, but it's pretty excruciating when I have it. So, I decided it was time to give something a little less traditional a try. 

The chiropractor explained to me that my SI joint were probably out of whack. He explained that lying still on a misaligned SI joint could lead to the kind of pain I was having in the morning and then he adjusted me. He told me to take the rest of the day easy and the real test would be after I'd taken a nap or gone to sleep for the first time - basically, would I still be in pain after waking up? Well, I'm happy to say that after waking up from my nap today, my low back didn't hurt for the first time in at least a month. So, I'm pretty pumped about that. My hips are a bit sore, but I'm pretty sure that's because things have been so massively adjusted. I'm planning on going 1-2 times a week for adjustments for a while. He's being very kind and working with my schedule to allow me to come after work.

Those are my highlights. My lowlights have been some crummy feelings lately. I think I expect a bit too much of myself personally and professionally. I still feel as though I don't know what I'm doing at work and that I have so much to learn that I'm never going to be a competent physician. I know I have to suck for a while, but I'm having a hard time swallowing that pill. I'm used to putting in a lot of work and seeing some rewards, but no matter how hard I try, I'm still slow, stupid, and not so great. On top of all that jazz, I haven't lost any weight this week. So, I'm just a bit down on myself. That being said, I was told by a nurse this week that I was the star intern, so maybe I shouldn't be so damn hard on myself.

Anyway, I'm headed off to work a night shift (7 p.m. to 7 a.m.). Then tomorrow I'm headed to see a med school friend, who will likely help me ground myself in real expectations.

Three photos for you:

Dinner/breakfast today

Thursday's breakfast

Wednesday's breakfast

What do you like to do when you're feeling down? Depending on how down I'm feeling, I'll either talk to someone, work out, or completely avoid all the things.