Heading home for a change

So, my very first semester of medical school is over. It was rough getting used to things, but by the end, I felt as though I had a grasp of how to "do" medical school. Or at least, I had stopped crying on a weekly basis. I'd call this an accomplishment. Another accomplishment was my grades. At MSU CHM, they grade you on a pass/fail system. You need a 75% to pass, but they consider "mastery" to be above 85%. Well, I am happy to report that I mastered all of my classes. I figured this out last night and am thrilled. I thought I had simply passed Anatomy (with an 84%), but I miscalculated. So, woo hoo! However, despite learning how to "do" medical school, I kind of stopped doing the health thing.


Right after Thanksgiving break, I came down with a wicked head cold and threw out my back. The cold is gone, my back is still bothering me, and I feel as though I deserve a break, damn it. I've been so busy with the semester ending, passing my finals, and trying to feel better. So now that I have time to veg, I've been vegging like the world's greatest veggers.


Buuuut, it's time to change that. I'm heading home tomorrow, where I have nothing to do. I will have all the time in the world to think about routines, eating, and what's important to me. I deserve to be healthier. And I feel better when I'm eating right and going to the gym. On top of that, I need to do this for my sister, too. She is really looking to me to help her while I'm at home and I want to show her how to do this right. Additionally, one of my very best friends told me that she's at her highest weight ever and we want to spend some quality time in the gym getting healthy. So, as usual, it's time to start again.


I'm going to hit the gym tomorrow morning before I shower and pack up to head home. Then tomorrow afternoon, I'm dragging my sister and/or my friend to buy our winter gym passes and I will hit the gym a second time. And I will be posting pictures of my food again. But in the mean time, enjoy some pictures of my friend Matt's graduation this past weekend. He just got his degree in chemistry and I'm so, so proud of him!

Matt and his mother

Matt with his cap that he decorated 

We both have chemistry degrees!

Biggest Loser

I don't watch The Biggest Loser. Well, I didn't until tonight. It's been a long week and I needed a break to just watch some TV and not do anything. So, let's do a quick recap, shall we? Monday, we had some required stuff and three hours of class. Tuesday was just five hours of class. Wednesday was two hours of class and two hours of required stuff. Thursday was just four hours of class. Add on to each of these anywhere from 3-7 hours spent in lab prepping for today's anatomy exam and trying to keep on top of the material for my finals next week and you can maybe guess why I'm getting close to burnt out.


So when I got home today, I hit up the mall to see if I could exchange a gift, but they didn't have the gift I wanted. So, I went and spent about $55 at Old Navy and got 5 new tops. Not bad at all. Then I called up another store to see if they had the gift I wanted, but they didn't. So, next week I may have to look again or just be resigned to give not quite the gift I wanted. Then I grabbed a small milkshake at Culver's, ate some Chinese food, and settled in for a night of vegging out. I watched Friends with Benefits. It was totally predictable, but I was surprised at two things: 1) how incredibly ripped Justin Timberlake is (I'd like one of those to go, please), and 2) how not bad it was compared to what I was anticipating.


After that, I decided to find some more TV to watch despite the fact that I'm sick and got 3 hours of sleep last night. So, I watched two episodes of The Biggest Loser. So motivating! So, even though I threw my back out last Thursday (and it's still not 100% - damn anatomy class is making me scared that I've damaged my sciatic nerve), I will be going to the gym tomorrow. My eating has been pretty decent lately, so I'm not too worried about that. But I think if I commit to it, then I can be at my lowest weight by the time the new year hits - especially since my sister and I are going to be hitting the gym everyday back home.


Since I don't have any legit photos to show you, I will leave you with these two things:


1. This picture of my cat (because he's adorable and if you think otherwise, you have no soul - damn dementors):

2. The newest episode of My Drunk Kitchen

So close!

Med school and blogging are not compatible. This much I have decided. Buuuut, I only have four more days of class and I will be officially done with my first semester of medical school on Thursday, December 15. Then, I shall update everyday and you'll realize how lame my life is (again). Until then, here are some pics. Enjoy!

Breakfast one day

Bailey is needy - here is proof 

The turkey burgers + marinara was one of the best ideas I've ever had

Breakfast this week

Dress up day

So many leftovers

Green tea and animal crackers = so sophisticated

Meatloaf and strawberries

On my way to the gym

Feast! 

Weight on Thursday (note: I have been having stomach issues this week, hence losing 7 pounds - I'll probs gain some back once I begin legit eating again)

Turkey burgers require friends

Today started out rough. I got up at 10:00 a.m. (I didn't set an alarm) and was feeling awful. My stomach was hurting and I just felt gross. But since I just resolved to be better today, I decided I should get to the gym. However, after substantial time in the bathroom, I decided to crawl back into bed since it was clear I shouldn't be going out today. So, I turned on my heating blanket (which is basically a full-body heating pad) and slept on and off until 3:00 p.m., when I was finally feeling good enough to get up, shower, and get dressed. And for your viewing pleasure, my I'm-not-going-out-today-outfit:

After getting dressed, I decided it was finally time to eat. Since I'm pretty certain my being sick had nothing to do with my stomach and everything to do with my period (which I just had two weeks ago - what the hell, body?), I decided that English muffin French toast sounded awesome. As I was prepping the mix, I found this little guy in my utensil drawer, and just had to share. He is from my friend Lisa. I love him. I have yet to name him. Send suggestions if you'd like!

 Some pictures of the food creating:

 My eating while I'm prepping to eat food:

And then about two hours later, while studying the vagina (we've reached the fun unit in anatomy), I got hungry again, so I heated up some leftover pizza.

And about an hour after that, I began the tedious process of making Turkey burgers with a recipe I got from my brother (via my mom). I grilled them with my George Foreman. Yay for kitchen things!

 I'm not such a fan of buns, so I ate two patties on their own. And I had quite a few leftover:

Bailey wanted some, but I wouldn't share, despite having 9 left over. I must admit, I did eat two more during my following 7 hours of studying. But really, it would just be better to have friends if you're going to make turkey burgers. Or at least a non-animal roommate.

Here's the recipe if you're interested, as these burgers are quite good. Although I think they kind of taste like meatballs and am intending on heating them up and eating them with marinara tomorrow. I'll let you know how that goes.

½ c feta cheese

2 T pesto

1 lb turkey

½ c bread crumbs

2 t season salt

garlic to taste – at least 1t

Form the patties and grill 

For dessert, I had two shots of egg nog. Haha. I only let myself have two shots because egg nog is not so good for you, but I wanted to have at least a little bit. That, and my shot glasses have gotten no use since New Year's Eve last year...

Now I'm heading to bed to get up around 9 tomorrow. My plan is to hit the gym right away and then watch the three lectures I don't plan on attending in person. Normally I'd make myself go to lecture, but I like working out first thing in the morning and I don't have anything else that requires me to be at school all day, so I don't want to make the trip/put off going to the gym if I don't have to.

So, today, though unsuccessful in the sense of going to the gym, was an okay day, despite having spent most of it not feeling great. Let's see if I can keep this up!

And again...

Alright, folks. Let's get real for a hot second (or a cold one - you can choose your own adventure). Since starting medical school, I have gained about 10 pounds. Not good. And every time I say I'm starting over, I fail about two days later. But not this time. This time, I have a bit more motivation.


Why? Because I'm training with Mark over my Christmas break and I will be humiliated when he weighs me in only to find I've gained weight. And also because my sister's going to be doing it with me this time. Sorta. So, I want to stay motivated to keep her motivated - you know, to show her that you can achieve your goals if you put your mind to it. So, what's going to change, you ask? Well, no more of this daily weigh-in stuff I've been doing. It's once-a-week from here on out. Why? Because you can lose your motivation pretty quickly when you step on the scale and you've gained four pounds in a day. Not saying that I have, but it's just not a good feeling to gain anything. So, back to weigh-in Wednesdays. Next up, I will resume taking pictures of all my food (once I find my camera) and posting for you guys as much as possible because it helps keep me accountable. I'm also going to try my darnedest to log calories. I may even start looking at other tracking sites besides SparkPeople - especially if any of you any suggestions. And lastly, I'm going to get my butt to the gym as much as possible. I'm really good about doing this for about a week and then stopping, but now that I have a bit more motivation, I think I can do it. We'll see. Med school tends to get the best of you when you least expect it.


The last thing I want to do is take a picture of myself everyday. Not because I love looking at myself (let's be honest, most of the time, I hate it), but because I'd like to track some physical changes in addition to having yet another source of motivation (like seeing 80 chins). So, here we go again. On Wednesday, once I've weighed in, I will establish a new, legitimate weight goal.


Feel free to ask questions, post encouragement, random thoughts, [constructive] criticism, or let me know how you're journey's going.

Thumbs up for starting over!

Ready for a break

I am so beyond ready for a break. Like, don't tell me that I have a break on Wednesday and then give me an exam on Monday. I want to slack off, damn it. And then, don't be rude and tell me that I shouldn't actually take break and that I should use the time to catch up. I mean, who cares if I'm four lectures behind? Not me.


So, my apartment looks as though a hurricane hit. Seriously. The dishes in my dishwasher are clean and though it will only take me 5-10 minutes to unload and reload it, I just won't do it. I also really need to clean out my fridge because though there's barely anything in there, some of it isn't good anymore. My bedroom looks as though someone went to a department store, bought a bunch of stuff, and then spun about the room throwing clothes everywhere. My living room isn't as terrible since I spend all my time sitting at my desk, but my desk? So, so messy. Like papers all over it. It stresses me out to think of how terribly messy everything is, but I don't have time. I have an exam tomorrow (as I've said) and I've literally spent all day studying for it. Not fun. Not fun at all.


But, tomorrow after my exam, I am essentially free and can clean my entire apartment. And I'm going to because I know it'll make me feel better. That, and then I will be able to collect all my dirty laundry to take home to my mother's house. Oh, she's in for a treat. I think it's been 3 weeks since I've done it...


Speaking of things I haven't done in a while - I haven't gone to the gym since Saturday. No, not yesterday Saturday. Last Saturday. Why? Because I'm lazy. I legit had enough time to go last week, but I didn't. Lame, lame, lame. Then I texted Mark telling him we should work out over Christmas break only to realize that's less than a month away and I am embarassingly out of shape. Sooo, gotta start that again. Honestly though, I'm not going to start until after Thanksgiving because I'm too cheap to pay $7 to go to the gym. I seriously can't afford it. I just spent like $535 on a freaking otoscope because the school was "having a sale." Right. A sale. Such lies, MSU.


Anyway, I did get to see a few friends this weekend (which is why I am so terribly behind in schoolwork). Here are some pics:

Med school friends

Our Grey's Anatomy Pic

Rachel (my favorite new teacher) and me in Ann Arbor

My best friend Matt and me

My wife Anna and me

Blake and me

Prom pic with Jim

Also, notice how I didn't mention anything about my weight? Yup. That was intentional. Pretty sure I gained back everything I lost. Sigh. Here we go again...

Down 4 pounds

Hey everyone. I lost 4 pounds this week - woot, woot! I'm at 214.8. I would post a pic, but, uh...anatomy exam tomorrow. And I'm totally struggling with studying for it. No motivation whatsoever. That being said, there was major procrastination eating. Whoops?


Goals for this week: Get down to 212 by next Sunday. Log those calories every. single. day. Gah!

A little story

When I was in eighth grade, I had gym class. We had to take it as one of our electives otherwise I would have had nothing to do with it. For an overweight middle schooler, there was nothing more humiliating than finding that your athletic ability was comparable to that of an 80-year-old. I guess now would be a good time to tell you that in middle school, I already weighed over 200 pounds (or so I think - I avoided scales as much as possible). Anyway, during gym one day, we had a fitness test. They were going to time us to see how fast we could run a mile. I was terrified, but there was no getting out of it. We went outside to the track beside the school and were told that we had to do four laps because each lap was a 1/4 of a mile (yay math!). As we came around, they would give us a lap count. And then we were off. By the time I finished my first lap, some kids were already starting on their third lap. In fact, the gym teacher didn't realize that I was only starting my second lap so he told me I only had two to go. So, I went with it. Rather than doing the obligatory 4 laps, I only did 3. They recorded my mile time as 8 minutes and 48 seconds. Yeah right. So, I waited until the next gym class and told my gym teacher what happened. I didn't have to repeat it (thank God), but I've always wondered how fast I would have been able to run the mile had I not "cheated."

Anyway, I just thought I'd share because it's putting things into perspective a bit for me. And for your viewing pleasure, here are some pictures of some of my meals this week. Also, look for a weigh-in on Sunday!

Peanut butter toast for breakfast

Strawberries and yogurt for morning snacks

Lunch: ham, English muffin pizza, orange

Finally busted out this baby to make dinner

Oh, George

Grilled BBQ chicken - SOOO good

Dessert

Nom nom nom

Breakfast: egg whites, cheese, and watermelon

Don't worry - I didn't eat Bailey. Just thought you'd appreciate how cute he is

Spinach and ricotta ravioli

Pulled pork sandwich

Goals!

Okay, folks, this is going to be short because my butt needs to be in bed. However, I think one of the reasons I haven't been able to motivate myself to workout and be healthier is because I haven't had a definite goal to work towards. So, here it is: I want to be 202 pounds by December 31, 2011. Why 202? Because it is at this point that I am no longer obese. That's right, I'll simply be overweight. But, this is going to be tough because that means no stress eating, less desserts (yeah, screw No-Dessert-November...), and getting to the gym. Why is this going to be tough? Because this is where I'm starting:

So, 16.8 pounds need to be lost in 56 days. I think it's doable. So, I'm going to do it!


Also, I found this today. It proved to be an interesting read.

Animals and motivation

I feel as though I'm writing a lot of these types of posts lately. What type, you ask? The type where I tell you I suck, that I feel bad about myself, and that I've gained weight. Oh, and the weight gain is completely my fault. So I need to figure out how to make some changes that will actually work.


Alright, so I tend to tell myself I'm going to do something and then I don't. Or I start it without finishing it. What do I mean exactly? Well, I told myself it was going to be No-Dessert-November, but at our family dinner last night, I had some dessert. And then because I'd already ruined that goal, I decided to go all out today. I seriously ate a lot. How much? Enough that I'm not going to tell you because putting it into words makes it that much more humiliating/embarrassing/shameful.


So, tomorrow I start again. For real this time. I'm going to track calories again. I know, I know. I'm in med school - how am I going to find time for that? I don't know. But, for me, there is no other way. And that means I need to start packing my lunches/dinners so that I can control my portion sizes. I figure I can start meal planning the night before as a before-bed time dealio. I think I'm also going to have to start studying at Secchia more. Yes, it's a major pain in the ass hauling all of my books and stuff to school, but it's not by my kitchen so I can't procrastinate by eating.

PHOTO BREAK!

Those were some photos I took while at the Denver Zoo over the summer. Hope you enjoyed that photo break brought to you by two of my favorite animals: elephants and penguins!

Okay, so we've squared away one problem: food. Well, sort of. I just need to make sure I actually stick to it. Now, on to the next problem: getting my lazy butt to the gym. I was doing okay with that, but then yesterday I seriously didn't have time and today I had ample time but no motivation. I think that's because I now associate going to the gym with a little bit of failure. What do I mean? Well, I used to be able to run 40 minutes at 5.3mph. Now I can barely run half an hour at 5.0 mph. So I have a hard time getting myself pumped up for being mediocre. Basically, I need an attitude adjustment. I know I can get myself to the gym if I want to, but it's finding the perfect time. I could go in the mornings, but we all know how good I am at getting out of bed earlier than necessary...(read: I'm terrible at waking up early). But I'm seriously considering it. I shall keep you updated on that thought.

PHOTO BREAK 2!

Look at these fashionable animals: giraffe print and tiger stripes. Sooo in this season!

Anyway, I just needed a space to remind myself why I'm doing this to keep myself motivated (these are in no particular order):

1. When we look at cadavers, some of them have organs so thoroughly encased in fat that it's disgusting. If I ever get cut open, I don't want anyone to be disgusted by me.
2. Mark and I worked so hard together. I don't want to be bigger when I see him again. The same goes for all of my friends. They saw me at a lower weight than I am now. I don't want them to see me bigger again.
3. Shopping is sooo much better when you can fit in clothes that aren't plus size.
4. It's amazing being able to see my dimples and clavicles again. And clavicles are sexy. I don't want them covered up by my fat ever again!
5. I am the most overweight person in my class. There are 100 of us. It's isolating. And whenever someone makes a comment about obesity, I feel as though I'm being targeted (which is absolutely ridiculous because no one is saying it maliciously - it's science).
6. It feels amazing when I can tell people that I've run two 5ks and they aren't shocked.
7. I deserve to feel good about myself.
8. I'm so, so, so tired of binging and feeling like shit afterwards.
9. I don't want to have to buy new "fat" clothes. I seriously can't do that again.
10. I want people to be impressed by all of my hard work.
11. I have "inspired" people - or at least some have told me as much and I can't be inspirational if I gain back all the weight I've lost
12. Seeing the scale go up absolutely ruins my day
13. I want to have how I feel on the inside translated into how I look on the outside
14. I don't want to ever have to tell a patient that they need to make dietary changes based on their weight while being obese myself.
15. I want to feel as though I can honestly say that I'm healthy.
16. I want to feel desired. Like sexually. By a guy. I'm sick of being put in a friend zone right away because I'm overweight.
17. I want to be able to walk up three flights of stairs without huffing and puffing.
18. I want to be proud of my body.
19. I want to feel strong and powerful - physically.
20. I deserve this.
21. People judge you by appearance and I don't ever want to be judged as someone who doesn't care about herself
22. If I ever do get pregnant/have children/add to the world population (scary thought), I don't want people to have a hard time telling if I'm pregnant or just fat. Also, I don't want to ever miss out on some opportunity in their lives because I'm fat.
23. If I ever get married/commit to someone forever (and ever and ever - another terrifying thought), I don't want to have to buy a plus size wedding dress
24. I don't want to have to worry that people describe me as "the fat girl."
25. I want to feel pretty

Camels have it waaaay easier. They actually use their fat stores. I simply carry mine around.