Napping, selfies, and snacking

Oh man, guys. Yesterday I made the mistake of napping in the afternoon when I had 6 a.m. lecture today. My nap was awesome, but I could not fall asleep until like 2:30 a.m. and then had to wake up by 5:00 a.m. to get to work by 6. Not cool. I was very le tired this morning. Like couldn't even think about putting in my contacts tired because I would likely scratch the hell out of my cornea or miss my eye or poke my eye out - you know, real world problems ;-)

So, anywho, I had a lovely day at work and then came home and napped hard. My intention was two hours - turned into 4+. Oops. And then I hit up the gym and had a pretty legit workout. I easily beat the elliptical and then came home and studied a bit. Now I'm freezing my butt off in my apartment thanks to the ridiculous Michigan weather and even more ridiculous wind, pushing the cold in through all the cracks. My apartment was a chilly 61° when I got home. And even though I turned the heat on to 68°F, the heat is primarily working in the living room, so I'm camping out here while I blog and watch the Arrow. I'm hoping my office/bedroom while be warm enough once I go back to bed.

In other news, I hit up the grocery store yesterday while I was hungry, which was a rookie mistake. I bought some of my favorite pretzels as well as some chocolate, which I really didn't need. I basically turned the chocolate and pretzels into meals the last two days, which was a mistake. Buuuut, I've already turned it around. Go me! Hitting up the gym, hydrating, and not snacking just to snack. Tomorrow I'll log calories and take photos of all my food just for you/mostly for me. 

Some photos for you to hold you over until tomorrow:

Breakfast for my day of surgery

Scrub selfie (they really do nothing for your shape)

This upgrade took foreverrrrr

But look at the new colorful thinking thing!

I think that's about all I've got for now. Tomorrow I have clinic in the morning. I intend to hit up the gym after clinic, get some good studying in, and then head back to work (I have a 4:45 p.m. to 11 p.m. shift). I'll cut myself off from eating around 8 p.m. so that once I get home I am able to hit the hay and get some good sleep so I can study like a maniac all weekend. My test is on Monday (and Tuesday)!

An echocardiogram and a catch-up with friends

So the only reason I went to the gym today was my self-imposed two-week challenge. I told myself on Sunday that I would go to the gym 5 out of 7 days of the week. I chose 5 days so as not to stress myself out with saying that I needed to go everyday. On Monday, I was forced to stay at work a bit late and had a dinner planned with a friend already, so that was day number 1 that I had to miss and Saturday's gym hours don't mesh well with my work schedule, so I knew that would be no gym day number 2 this week. Thus, despite not wanting to go to the gym today, I went anyway to fulfill my two week challenge goal. It wasn't that bad since I just did cardio, but man, cardio is kicking my butt lately.

Anywho, today was my first day on primary care. I had my lectures for my program today (OB/GYN) nice and early - from 6-8 a.m. and then I didn't have to work until 9 a.m. I spent some time checking up on emails and then I drove over to the office and talked to Nasur for a bit. In the morning, I worked with a doctor and because I don't have the ability to document or see their schedules, I'm basically a medical student. This is good because I don't have to do much work, but bad because I feel pretty useless. Anywho, we had a patient with a bicuspid aortic valve. This just means that there are two parts to the valve when there are supposed to be three. This leads to some heart problems later in life on occasion and usually requires a valve replacement. My dad had a bicuspid aortic valve and he had his valve replaced. This condition is somewhat hereditary - if your parents or siblings have it, your chances of having it are slightly increased - not super substantially, but somewhat. Anywho, upon telling the doctor this, he asked if he could listen to my heart. I said sure and he told me he heard a grade I systolic murmur, which is like the quietest murmur ever. There are lots of causes for it - could be a valve problem such as my dad's - it could be anemia or it could be a trick of the ears ;-) In medical school, you're pretty much told that unless you're a cardiologist really listening for heart problems, it's usually missed because it's that quiet. But, the doctor said he could hear it and then scheduled me for an echocardiogram. So, I had the afternoon off to go have an ultrasound of my heart.

Now, ultrasound techs aren't doctors, so they're not technically allowed to say what they think or what they see. But, when she got to that part of the ultrasound, she showed me my aortic valve and it had the Mercedes Benz sign, meaning my aortic valve is normal, thank you very much. 

When I got home, I took a lovely nap until 6:30 p.m., got up, and then went to the gym with my perfectly healthy heart and came home and made a sandwich while video chatting with my two roommates from college. It was really lovely being able to catch up with them. We usually have a video chat every 1-2 months to catch up on each other's lives. It's always great hearing from them and knowing that I've got some friends in warmer climates if/when I need to get out of Michigan. The temperatures have majorly dropped this week - like 50s to 60s during the day and I am super jealous of their continued summer weather. I can't wait to move out of this cold state!

Lunch: leftover chicken parmesan

Breakfast today

Tomorrow I have clinic in the morning and then have the afternoon off, so I think I'll do a good hard workout at the gym tomorrow afternoon. Then I'm going to have dinner with one of the other interns at the Original Pancake House. They have chocolate chip pancakes that are to die for. I'll keep it chill by just getting them as a side item because the portion is smaller.

Also, yesterday, we went out to dinner as a program for fun and I took the bacon off my sandwich and didn't eat it. That's a HUGE thing for me because a) bacon = meat candy and b) see reason a.  But, it looked like it was really cheap bacon that had been waaaay overcooked and I didn't want to waste the calories on something so mediocre. I also didn't eat my coleslaw because that's all mayo anyway. Good for me!

Okay, that's it for me, folks. I'll catch you tomorrow.

Feeling inadequate and getting adjusted

So today started out with a dilemma because I was having a bit more back and hip pain than recently. I couldn't figure out if I should cancel my trainer appointment and just get adjusted today or tough it out until Friday. After talking to Nasur, I opted to cancel my trainer appointment. And that was definitely a good choice given the operating I had to do today with a very short attending who kept the table at her height (read: lots of bending at awkward angles for me). The chiropractor wasn't surprised to hear that I was getting sore again, but when he adjusted me, he said I was still pretty decently aligned. So, he recommended just getting adjusted once a week from here on out, but that I should come again Monday just in case I get out of whack again this weekend.

In other news, I think because my Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays are a bit more challenging than my Thursdays and Fridays, I get down on myself. I mean, I really struggle with some things and I know it's only my first month and I'll get the hang of things, but man oh man, I hate feeling so inadequate. It wasn't helped by one attending who stopped one of my seniors from letting me do something today because he needed to remember that I "don't know anything - I mean, basically nothing." Um, I did go to medical school. So, I probably know something. I belittle myself enough - I really don't need someone else to do it, too. But I just smiled and thanked her for teaching me because getting upset with her for being unkind isn't going to get me anywhere. And that's another reason I'm glad I took tonight for myself. I got adjusted, grabbed some groceries, and relaxed at home. I'm going to bed soon because I have to be at work at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow since we have lecture from 6-8 a.m. and have to see all of our patients beforehand.

Sooo, sorry this isn't a more exciting entry, but I'm exhausted and a little bummed.

Breakfast

Lunch: a gyro, banana, and grapes

Dinner = toast + bruschetta (among other things)

Catch you guys on the flip side in a better mood, I promise!

Back pain and high hopes for tomorrow's weigh-in!

So, after I set my alarm last night, I realized I would only be getting 9 hours of sleep instead of the 10 I was hoping for. But, hey, it's better than the 6 I'll be getting tonight ;-)

Anywho, this morning was rough. I woke up with some mild low back pain and then as I stood in the shower, it steadily got worse till I couldn't lift my leg to wash it. Now I've thrown out my back before and it's not fun, but I couldn't figure out how I was going to deliver babies like that. I took some ibuprofen, bitched to the boyfriend, and then felt mostly better by the time I got to work. I'm thinking that skipping the gym on Friday (I didn't want to be all sweaty for my dinner date with friends) and skipping it on Saturday (so I could sleep) maybe wasn't the best idea. My hips and low back thank me when I go to the gym - I rarely wake up in pain. But maybe two days straight without the gym did me in. It was just a gentle reminder to my body that I need to hit the gym frequently. And, I heard you, body. Today I put in a little under an hour of cardio and I felt awesome. In fact, I felt like running after because I still felt like I had so much energy. However, I had another dinner date with a friend, so I kept myself restrained ;-)

In other news, working both weekend days is rough. I imagine by the end of the week, I will have earned the weekend to myself. I did a few deliveries, saw quite a few patients, and learned a lot. I'm so thankful that all the doctors here are so good at teaching and so willing to let an intern try their hand at things.

The other thing about working the weekends is that there are fewer people so you're spread a little more thin - a.k.a. you're busy! I love being kept busy at work. I hate having down time, so I was happy constantly running around. It also helps you forget that you're hungry. Now I'm not saying you should starve yourself, but it keeps you from eating idly or because you're bored. Tomorrow we'll see how well that paid off when I do my one week weigh-in. I'm hoping I lost half my goal of 6 pounds so I can make good progress toward getting new shoes!

And with that, I shall leave you with some photos and the hopes of a good weigh-in tomorrow!

Tonight's salmon burger

Today's breakfast

Yesterday's breakfast

Friday's lunch: 2 crab rangoons, some fish, a scoop of veggie lasagna, lots o' salad

Do you do anything to keep yourself from eating when you're not actually hungry?

Need the sleeps

So I'd love to do an update, but you know what I'd love even more? A solid 10 hours of sleep. I'll catch you guys tomorrow with a real update.

Working weekends is rough!

Mindless Munching

So today was a longer day with lots of little temptations throughout. To begin with, it was an early one - I had to be at work at about 5. So, I was tempted to sleep a bit more and skip breakfast. But then I'd die of hunger for sure. So, that was out and my butt had to get out of bed at like 4 to shower and make myself some food. I grabbed a protein yogurt shake on my way out the door and made the quick drive to the hospital, updating Nasur on the life of a doctor in America.

Then during our two hour meeting from 6-8, there was a huge platter of donuts, muffins, and bagels with some apples and oranges. I opted for a bagel (which I held on to until my tummy started to rumble a bit after 7) and grabbed an apple for later. I had a blueberry muffin when another hunger pang hit around 9:30 and held out until lunch around 1:30. Today was the first day we had our meal cards (the hospital gives us $1300 for food over a year), so I went to the cafeteria where there were lots of yummy looking options, but I opted for a chicken sandwich and yogurt. Mid-afternoon, I finally ate that apple and by the time I was done with work, I was starving. 

Since I promised to grab some stuff from Trader Joe's for the family, I headed straight there and picked up their requests as well as a chicken sandwich and some fruit bars. As I was chowing down in the car, I realized I didn't care for the sandwich nor did I care for the fruit bar. And then I realized that I do that all the time: I eat an entire package/serving/bowl/whatever without actually liking it. And I do it mindlessly most often. Because I go on autopilot when I eat: see an entire plate of food, eat the entire plate of food. I think we all do that and we're bred to do that - popcorn at the movies? Snacks while we work? It's just stupid. It's also a lot of calories I don't need, so I'm being a bit more mindful about it!

Anywho, it's only 8:15 and I didn't get to the gym, but I'm going to go drag my butt to bed for like 12 hours. I'm exhausted. I have a free personal training session tomorrow, so I'll let you know how that goes!

Here are some photos from today:

Breakfast: eggs, cantaloupe, blueberries, banana bread

The last of the chicken sandwich I didn't eat

I liked the nutrition facts, lol

The texture? Ew.

Spotted banana snack when I got home - the best kind of banana snack!

1 serving of fruits and veggies per 8 oz, so 8 oz for me!

Snacky-poo

Do you do any mindless munching?

Texas is pretty

Interviews that start after 9:00 a.m. are my favorite kind. Life is so much better waking up at 7:45 than 5:00 a.m. Unfortunately, my interview didn't end quite early enough for me to walk to the Alamo, so I drove. Let me just say this, it's a bit of a letdown. Buuut, I'm glad I went. I raced back to my hotel to ditch the interview suit ASAP and then I drove to the Alamo and parked (for $10...boo) and walked over there and walked around. Really underwhelming, but afterwards, I went and walked the river walk for about an hour and then left for my hotel/dinner a little after 6:00 p.m. as it was getting dark and I already have a bad sense of direction. Add in the inability to see and I'm really bad with direction.

The rest of the day was a typical interview day. And the eats were pretty decent. But first: breakfast (which was advertised as hot breakfast), was not exactly that. The only hot thing was waffles, which you made yourself. I'm not a waffle person, so I went for the bagel, yogurt, and hardboiled egg. I also grabbed some fruit for later. Lunch was sandwiches, salad, a pickle, and a brownie. I also grabbed a peanut butter cookie later, which is why I declined awesome looking desserts at the bakery at the restaurant I went to. Willpower. Word.

Hotel room

Big sink area

Teeny bathroom

Breakfast (with fruit saved for later)

Alamo

Outline of the Alamo fortress

A little background on the battle

The famous part of the Alamo

Boo yeah - medicine is everywhere

I'm almost a doctor too, yo

Hospital set-up

More hospital

RiverWalk entrance

RiverWalk

So pretty

Nighttime Alamo

Mango margarita + chips + salsa

Dinner (the waiter recommended it). It was okay.

Bakery of life

Dinner may have been a bit over the top, buuuut I didn't eat all the cheese nor did I eat any rice. So, it could've been worse. 

Tomorrow I get up kinda late (8:00 a.m.) to hit up Subway, the gas station, WalMart (gotta get more South Beach bars) and then head to return my car. My flight leaves at around 11:00 a.m. and it's only 15 minutes away, so I should be plenty early despite another offsite car rental place.

Cheers!

Travel Day + The Day's Eats

So today I had to wake up nice and early to get to the airport on time. I have a friend watching Bailey for me, so I also had to change my sheets and tidy up last minute so that my apartment was liveable by other people's standards. I did the bulk of tidying yesterday, but there were a few things that needed to be swept over. I also made sure I had enough time to eat a good breakfast. Traveling on an empty stomach makes me even more irritable than traveling in general.

Eggs, turkey smokies, grapes

I flew to Chicago first and was starving by the time I got there. To be fair, it had been about 3.5 hours since I'd eaten last. So, I got a bagel. I was tracking my calories like I said I would and estimated the bagel, but then realized I had a nutrition look-up app. Let's just say the bagel I bought was totally not worth it. It may have been if they'd toasted it as I had requested, but it definitely wasn't pre-toasted. But I ate it because I was starving.

About 450 calories (with the cream cheese). Yikes

While waiting for my flight, I charged all the things and then walked around for a good 20-30 minutes. Because I had the time, I walked to a different terminal to find my bagel and then had to walk back and then walked up and down the C terminal.

Charging the computer, phone and myself (with the bagel)

On my flight, I ate a South Beach diet bar for a quick snack and slept most of the way to Atlanta. In an aisle seat. Without a neck pillow. Let me just say this (for those of you who can't infer): ouch. I need to invest in a neck pillow. In the airport they're like $20. And I kinda want an inflatable one so I can pack it and not have to worry about it again later. Perhaps when I'm back in Michigan, I could take a look for one. I remember spotting on at TJ Maxx.

Once I got to Atlanta, I rented a car and drove to Macon, where my interview is. It's about an hour and 20 minutes from Atlanta, which wasn't that bad as it was essentially hopping on the expressway and going south. But I got really hungry again, so I stopped for Subway even though a drive thru would have been more convenient (and also more calories). My sandwich was probably under 400 calories (given what my estimator says).

Turkey and cheese on wheat with some fixings

I arrived safely at my hotel, responded to some emails, read about the program, looked up some stuff for future travels and then headed to the dinner, which was Mexican. I overloaded on the chips, but got a taco salad for dinner, which I ate maybe half of. I didn't try to estimate it because the day is done and I had about 900 calories left for my limit. I'm guessing I went over because there was queso, but I'll get back on it again tomorrow!

Our interview isn't until 10:30, so I'm thinking I'll either sleep in and be super rested or wake up and hit the fitness center. I also don't have anything to do in the afternoon tomorrow, so the fitness center could possibly be done then. I'm thinking that's what I'll do because all this traveling makes me pooped.

Which bed to sleep on? #firstworldproblems

That's all, folks! See you back here tomorrow (most likely).

Casual dinner attire

Day one of my one week challenge

Today was day one of the new challenge I set for myself yesterday. So far, so good. But day one is usually always a good day because you're usually willing to stick to your guns. I know if I want to, I can keep it up.

So I turned off all alarms last night so I could just sleep until whenever but Bailey decided to thwart my plans to sleep in and came in around 7 a.m. and kept meowing. I recall his food bowl being on the low side last night and immediately regretted forgetting to refill it last night. He's usually pretty good about leaving me alone in the morning until my alarm goes off, but since it was past the normal alarm time and I wasn't up yet, he let me know that he was hungry. So I stumbled out of bed, filled up his food, and fell back into bed. I laid there and fought with myself about whether or not I should be sleeping or starting my day, but I opted to go back to sleep until 9:30ish.

Upon getting up, I set to work on my week challenge. I weighed in (photo below) and then made some breakfast, hit up the farmer's market, hit the gym, and then came home to hurriedly pack up my dirty laundry, shower, and eat lunch before heading to Kalamazoo to see my sister, do laundry, and work on my residency applications.

Latest weigh in (check out my weigh-in page)

I want to talk about this morning before moving on. First of all, it took a bit of convincing to tell myself that if I was tired, I deserved to go back to bed. Sometimes rest is just as important as exercise in weight loss. Then, I purposely ate breakfast before the farmer's market because an empty stomach makes me way more likely to buy more. I kept it pretty light - I got some celery, lettuce, San Francisco sourdough bread (sandwich style), apples, and blueberries. Then I headed straight to the gym where I ran into Krista, a fellow healthy lifestyle blogger. I met Krista for lunch once before as we were both going to school in Grand Rapids and she recently moved back. I stumbled upon her first blog via SparkPeople and she has definitely been one of my biggest influences in the blogging part of my weight loss. It was through her blog that I learned what a huge blog community there is. Anywho, we chatted for a bit and she gave me the deets about spinning at the Y before I hit up the elliptical for the day.

While I'm on the elliptical, I like to be doing something else: reading or watching TV. I couldn't decide if I wanted to read or watch the season premiere of Biggest Loser. I opted for Biggest Loser and I'm certainly glad I did! Watching that show while working out really made me push myself harder to keep my heart rate up. I mean, I'm currently heavier than some of the contestants on this new season! I also love their new trainers, Jen and Jessie. Some of the things Jen said really resonated with me. She talks about how you can operate from a place of fear or a place of love and that it's operating from a place of love that really allows you to accomplish your goals. I was just talking about that when I blogged about how I needed to believe in myself and how I need to love myself a bit more! And she's so right. During my year off between undergrad and med school, I totally loved myself and treated myself like I was worth it. Now that I'm in medicine (where you can never know it all), I feel inadequate a lot of the time and those feelings of inadequacy and fear have become so commonplace that it's definitely my normal operating mode. I'm working on breaking out of that and I'm hoping this challenge and publishing all of my recorded weigh-ins will help me work towards positivity again. And I recruited my friend Lisa to help me with this challenge and get me off to the right foot. You can follow her challenge on her blog!

Spending the afternoon with my sister was also a positive thing for me. She just started PA school (she's studying to become a physician assistant) and she's learning the basics. It totally reminded me of first semester of med school where I was completely overwhelmed almost all the time. I cried at least once a week for probably the first semester. And though I know it definitely doesn't feel like it, I realized that things do get easier and that you learn to work with what you've got. Starting anything new is going to be difficult. But it's worth it. And that's keeping me motivated with these residency applications. I'm applying EVERYWHERE and it's terrifying to think that I'll be starting something new, but it's also exciting. It'll probably suck major at the start (like my sister's realizing now), but it'll be okay.

Since I spent the afternoon with my sister, I packed snacks and made us a steak dinner. Unfortunately, I forgot the camera, so you only get photos from this morning.

Breakfast with sad-tasting grapes

Snack before heading out for the morning

Lunch with my delicious sourdough bread!

My goal for this one-week challenge is to get the scale down to 239.8 next week. I know that seems like a lot in a week (6.2 pounds), but breaking into the 230s again would totally boost my confidence. I'm going to achieve this goal by adhering to my challenge pretty strictly: working out, counting calories, packing food, and not weighing in until next Saturday. The first week of getting back on track usually leads to a pretty big change on the scale for me, so I'm hoping that's the case this time! I'm also going to stay hydrated as much as possible. I'd also like to set the goal of being in the low 220s by the end of this calendar year (220-225). I think 26 pounds is a lot, but if you think about it, I have half of September, all of October, all of November, and all of December to bust my butt to get there - that's 15 weeks that I need to lose 1.5-2 pounds per week and I think that's reasonable.

Today's positive: making awesome strides on day one of the challenge and setting some lofty goals that are totally attainable if I treat my mind and body positively. Also, my other positive for today was motivating Lisa to make some changes too!