Sweets and parenting

I've been craving sweets lately. I have a pretty significant sweet tooth and then I looked at my Garmin period tracker and everything makes sense now. During the few days before my menstrual cycle, I want all the sweets. ALL OF THEM. In my belly. RIGHT THIS INSTANT. This is also the time where it's REALLY hard for me to keep my portion sizes in check because I'm constantly hungry. My mom and I went to Costco tonight and I had a food court hot dog and then I opened the popcorn we bought and snacked at the table. Then we got home and I ate crackers with dip. And I just finished another popcorn snack. Now, what I was more aware of was stopping with serving sizes that were far more reasonable than what I could have eaten. I counted out my crackers. I used a smaller bowl for my popcorn than I maybe would have historically and I didn't go back for seconds. So, winning?

Today I had my back pain resolving massage and did a walk with a friend and then another treadmill walk to watch the new episode of Only Murders in the Building. So, I moved my body today! I also had my first parent-teacher conference and cried almost immediately at the start of the meeting. Reyah's teacher literally started the conference with, "To start, do you have any questions for me?" And I just started crying and was like is she okay? Is our divorce harming her? I just want to know that that little girl is going to be alright. Raising kids is stressful! I'm constantly worried about how I might screw it up. I also had my first volunteer experience today, which further cemented the fact in my mind that teachers are fucking angels who are severely underpaid. I didn't manage to significantly embarrass Reyah, but will have another opportunity to do so next week, so we'll see!

Another old photo since I can't be bothered to photograph anything lately. aa

Fourth of July with the kiddos

Have Your Cake. For Dinner. Duh.

Welp (can you tell I'm from the Midwest?), there's no need to bury the lead over here. I ate cake for dinner tonight. I had a weird day because my back pain was bothersome enough to make me feel nauseous all day today. Then I went on an hour walk tonight and it felt moderately better so my appetite returned. But I was mostly just hungry for cake. I didn't want to bother eating a whole meal just to feel justified in eating dessert, so I skipped the meal and just did dessert. It was awesome and I have no regrets. 

Normally, I'd feel guilty AF for eating cake for dinner, but I feel absolutely fine. Probably because one [very large] piece of cake isn't going to ruin my progress significantly.  And if I had denied myself the cake, I likely would have eaten a hundred things while trying to avoid the cake and then eventually also eaten the cake. So, really, this was the smarter thing to do. I was also texting with a pal of mine tonight who was saying that overly restricting never works in the long run. And she's right. I've done the restriction thing. It totally works...until you stop restricting. Then, boom, all the weight is back. That's garbage and a mind fuck, so I won't be signing up for that again. No thank you.

In other news, tomorrow I'm volunteering in Reyah's room and am awkwardly nervous about this. First, I don't want to embarrass her. I don't think she's quite old enough to be massively embarrassed by me, but I don't want to be the first mom who humiliates her kiddo while volunteering. Second, I am not a good teacher. My mom is/was a teacher and her patience seems infinite and well, mine is most definitely finite. Very, very finite. So, here's hoping the activity they have me do is one these kiddos already have a very firm grasp on!

I don't have any photos from today, but here's a recent(ish) photo of my kiddos, who I miss a lot on nights like tonight.

💖

Scale discrepancies (read: a weigh-in) and today's selfie

So today I woke up and did my weigh-in as promised - I almost forgot because I was distracted by some major low back pain. For those of you who are faithful and read all my posts, you'll know that I've been seeing a chiropractor as well as DO to help with my back. For those of you who are not faithful readers, shame on you welcome! I have an appointment on Friday with the DO and decided today that I had to see the chiropractor. I couldn't even bend over after my shower this morning to dry off my legs after my shower. And I didn't want to spiral down into something awful. So, I bit the bullet and saw the chiropractor. He adjusted me quickly, said my sacrum was out of alignment (per usual) and then sent me on my merry way. Since getting home, I've been using my heating pad and trying to move around more. I even tried bending to touch my toes (something that isn't usually that difficult for me) and it was a definite no-go. My back must be super tense. I've been taking ibuprofen to decrease the inflammation, so now I've just gotta be patient.

After work, I hit up the elliptical. I was going to do an hour and then my stomach wouldn't allow it. It was all, "Bitch. I'm hungrrrrry." And I was all like, "Just wait." And my stomach was like, "Eff waiting. I'm going to be super loud the entire time you're on this elliptical." And so, I decreased my time to 45 minutes, which worked out perfectly because I finished my recent kindle read with 32 seconds to go. It was like the powers that be wanted me to just do 45 minutes of ellipticaling.

I've been studying a lot today, working on some fiancé visa paperwork, and trying to be more active because I think my back is angry that I've been so immobile lately. I've also been checking The Fitnessista's blog incessantly to see if she's delivered her baby yet. She hasn't blogged since Friday. What's going on!? The OB/GYN in me MUST KNOW.

Anywho, that's it for me. Here's what you guys all really want: my weigh-in.

Upon first stepping on the scale

Second try - I like this number better ;-)

Today's selfie

Lunch

Apples = fiber! Pooping for everyone!

Noms

Dinner

Tomorrow I have personal training after work. I also get to do two surgeries tomorrow because they need help with coverage for the gynecology surgeries. Baller. I've missed the OR. It'll be a good day, I hope!

Me vs. the elliptical - guess who was the winner?

Today was productive, but yesterday just seemed über productive, so perhaps today was just bound to pale in comparison. Nevertheless, I woke up early without an alarm (8:30 is still early to me, folks), and then did some studying before deciding to hit up yoga and swim after cuz my low back was hurting me like whoa. So, after less than an hour of studying, I took a break. 

Yoga was a bust. This instructor is just okay. There are times when she takes you through flows that just don't flow. I feel like your body should just be able to go with it and the few times I've been to her classes, there are a couple times when you just don't flow. She also shows you how to do a flow once or twice and then instructs you to go at your own pace for the next three flows. Now, if I were brand new to yoga, I'd be completely intimidated by this. It doesn't bother me so much, but because I'm so busy remembering the damn flow, I forget to breathe. And breathing well is like the most important part of yoga. And I thought that going to yoga would help with my low back. Nope. There were poses I couldn't even get into because my low back just wouldn't have it. So, yoga was a major bust.

After yoga, I suited up to go for a swim, but I left my goggles and nose plug thingy in my bag. I did a few little baby laps (without sticking my head underwater) for 10 minutes or so and then hopped out and into the hot tub. I gave myself a water massage...ish. Basically, I planted my ass in front of a jet and just let it pulsate on my low back for 10 minutes. It was awesome. Then I showered at the gym, which was horrifying (WHY WOULD YOU HAVE SEE-THROUGH PARTS OF THE SHOWER CURTAIN AT CHEST LEVEL?) and then promptly dropped my clean underwear in the wet shower as I was getting dressed. But I hurried home and put on a new pair. I think the pool and hot tub will be reserved for weekends as a post-workout treat so that if I do drop my underwear again, I can just go home after ;-)

The rest of the day, my back felt pretty great and I studied a lot. I got really antsy around 4:30 having sat around for the last 5 hours studying, so I opted to go back to the gym. It was that or go stir crazy. I did about 50 minutes on the elliptical. It was awesome. I don't know how or why I had so much energy, but for the first time in forever, I beat the elliptical's calorie counter. Usually when I do the elliptical, the machine's calorie counter is anywhere from 10-50 calories ahead of my heart rate monitor's calorie counter. Now, I was told once that all machine calorie counters are calibrated to a muscley, fit man. So, I usually try to come close with my personal calorie counter on my heart rate monitor. But, today, I was able to keep my heart rate up for most my elliptical experience and I beat the calorie counter by a good 30 calories. Beat that, muscley fit man!

I got home, studied some more, slacked off and watched some Jimmy Fallon and James Corden clips and then got back to studying. I imagine tomorrow will be lots of studying as well. What fun. I am thinking about waking up at 6 to get a tiny bit of studying in before work tomorrow, but sleep is a very important part of my life, so we'll see what time I get to bed before I make such a rash decision.

In other news, I'm going to do a weigh-in tomorrow. Boo. It's going to be bad. But, I've gotta own it so I can make some progress. Here's today's food photos.

Lunch (same as yesterday because it's a damn good sandwich)

Grapes in the afternoon

I was craving pickles today

Made a smoothie to go with dinner

Yum!

Dinner: TJ's mini pepperoni pizza

Evening snack

Not pictured: Luna bar + apple for breakfast, the handful of chocolate chips I munched before the gym, the second snack pickle I ate because yummm, the cheese stick I had post-popcorn because cheese is legit.

I also think I'm going to do a photo a day everyday for a while because I think it'll help motivate me to lose more weight. And because everybody loves selfies. Or at least Kim Kardashian does.

Songs I'm currently obsessed with:

Every time I hear "Shut up and Dance," or "Better When I'm Dancin'" I stop studying and have a little dance party. Any good dance party songs you're listening to lately? Also, Adele! YOU'RE BACK AND YOU'RE STILL AMAZING. 

Return to blogging + weight loss

So it's been a while since I blogged for a few reasons. First and foremost is that the ER is ruining my life. I. Hate. It. I can't really go more into it without turning into a majorly Negative Nancy, but second, the hours are also stupid and I get home around 8:30/9:00 every night, so the last thing I really feel like doing is cracking open the laptop to blog. Buuuut, I promised a friend of mine I'd blog and I'll try to start up again, even if it is a bit late by the time I get home.

In other news, I had personal training yesterday and we finally did a weigh-in and some measurements (just BMI and body fat percentage). I'm glad we did that because it majorly adds some motivation. He likes to check every 2 weeks and I feel as though that's nice in case I have a bad week. However, we never really set a weight goal for my next weigh-in. So, I guess I'll just try to lose reasonably? Also, we weighed in after a workout, which is silly, in my opinion, cuz I'm typically covered in sweat. So, here were my measurements:

• Weight: 239
• BMI: 35.3
• Body fat: 38.6%

Also, my weight was way different than my scale on Friday, so let's go with the lower number ;-)

I'm also still fasting twice a week. I've been doing Mondays and Wednesdays rather than Mondays and Thursdays. It's pretty easy to do in the ER because the patients just keep on coming, no matter what the time.

I'm also still going to the chiropractor. Last Friday I threw my back out about a half hour before I saw my chiropractor. It was majorly painful and it felt slightly better after he adjusted me (he said I threw out my sacroiliac joint), but it took another 3-4 hours for the pain to go away. I also had a surgery scheduled with one of my clinic patients and standing throughout that was terrrrrrible. I cried right before we started and cried right after. The pain was overwhelming. So, I learned one thing: labor is going to be the worrrrrst (I'm not pregnant). Fortunately, the pain didn't return. Usually when I throw out my back, the pain lasts for a week. I'm going to go ahead and assume that it's because of going to the chiropractor that things got better so quickly.

That's all I've got right about now. I'm pretty boring since I work all the time. Anything exciting in any of your lives?

Thwarted by the chiropractor

Well, my plans to swim at the gym today were thwarted by the chiropractor. Apparently they're not open on Tuesdays, which would've been good to know. I also learned that he's not open on Thursdays. So I'm not entirely sure when I'll have the opportunity to go get adjusted given that tomorrow is a trainer day and Friday is the day when I like to go really hard at the gym - like a 1.5-2 hour work out. I suppose I could get adjusted Friday, swim, and then put in a really intense workout on Saturday, but Friday night workouts are so damn satisfying.

Anyway, today was pretty legit otherwise. I got a lot of steps in today, learned a lot, and watched the finale of Bachelorette while at the gym. I wasn't sure if I really wanted to go to the gym because I was so tired, but I decided if I was going to watch the Bachelorette, it had to be at the gym. For those of you who watched, I wasn't shocked, but I was going to be disappointed either way because the two guys she had left were gross. Now that that's over, I'll have to find another guilty pleasure because let's face it, I definitely shouldn't be using that time to study ;-)

In other news, I made some zucchini bread tonight - two loaves! One for my downstairs neighbor and one for work. I really enjoyed bringing banana bread into work last week because I got to have just enough to make me happy and a lot of other people enjoyed it too. 

That's really all I've got right now. My knees are a bit achy after my workout, so I'm hoping they won't keep me awake tonight. I might have to cave and take some ibuprofen. I've been hoping to take ibuprofen less often because I've been taking it a lot lately due to my back and hip pain, but I have a feeling that if I don't take some, I won't be able to sleep.

What do you do to help with achy joints or injuries?

Today's breakfast minus the toast I also had

Morning snack - fresh berries from the cafeteria

Dinner after the gym - I was soo hungry by the time I got home

Sunday Funday

Having a random night shift in the middle of weeks of day shifts is a bit hard to adjust to. However, it still allows you to have somewhat of a weekend, which was kind of nice.

When I went in to work, there weren't any laboring patients, so I had it pretty easy. I saw quite a few patients in triage and sent most of them home. Despite the fact that it wasn't very busy, the time really flew by and I had some great med students helping me out. When I got home, I fell asleep almost instantly and woke up with no low back pain or hip pain. I was pumped. Yesterday was the first time I'd woken up without back pain and I was a little worried it would be a one time deal. But, nope. So, that seals it - I'm definitely heading back to the chiropractor this week.

After waking up, I hurriedly put some things together to head to my friend Monica's place. She was having some people over to hang out and go swim in the lake she lives on. It was just what I needed - hanging out with some non-medical people, eating some not so healthy food (read: pizza and brownies) and spending time in the sun relaxing.

Now I'm home and cleaning up a bit so that I can start my last week of OB off on the right foot. Tomorrow will also be a fasting day, so I'm taking a look at what my meals will be now so that I don't go too far astray from my goals. Tomorrow is also my hardest day of the week because I run the board and triage all afternoon by myself, meaning I'm responsible for all of the patients in labor. It's a lot of responsibility and I'm still pretty darn slow. But I'm usually too busy to think about being hungry.

Tomorrow the other interns and I are planning on doing some anatomy review and so I'll either hit the gym late or not at all. We'll see how I'm feeling. Anywho, I didn't take any photos today - sorry about that!

What's your favorite summer activity? I definitely love to be outdoors swimming in a pool or on the beach!