The ER is ruining my life

Today was another day in the ER. I feel as though the second I wake up and remember that I have to work in the ER, I just get angry because I have to work in a place I hate with all my being. I can't wait to go through a month where I don't dread going to work almost every day. The perks of my ER month include having no ER obligations on days I have clinic. So, every Tuesday and Friday, I'm happy again.

Today's eats were pretty solid. I started out with a pretty typical breakfast for me: eggs, ham, banana, and watermelon. 

I know a lot of people like to change things up with their breakfasts, but I like the ease and calorie count on this one. That whole plate of food was just a touch over 300 calories. Also, I've never been one to crave something sweet in the morning - I've always been more of a savory breakfast type of gal. However, chocolate chip pancakes or French toast (only when made by my mom) have a special place in my breakfast heart.

I got to work at 10, per usual only to find out that I didn't need to be there until 11. So, I sat and caught up on some paperwork, went back to my car and cleaned it for a bit, tried to go down to the cafeteria to stock up on some fruit (it was closed), tried to grab some fruit from the physician lounge (options were apples and green bananas) and then went back to my personal hell (read: the ER). 

Once there, I worked and worked and worked until 4:30ish when I rushed to the cafeteria to get some lunch because I was starving - like stomach growling hungry. And when I got home around 9, I ate some shrimp, a banana, and some belVita breakfast biscuits (read: cookies).

Other than that, I didn't do much today. I wish I'd known I didn't have to be at work until 11 because I totally could've fit in a workout. The gym is only open 8a-8p on the weekends and with a 10a-8p shift, it's not worth trying to get there for about 20 minutes. But I totally could've made it today. Grrrr. Just another reason the ER is the worst.

That's all for me for now. I'll do a weigh-in tomorrow and catch you all later!

Weigh-in and trying something new

So, today I was hesitant about whether or not I wanted to weigh in given that mid-week last week I hadn't lost any weight (I had actually gained like 0.2-0.4 pounds) and didn't have much of an opportunity to go to the gym: I worked late Friday, got adjusted on Saturday (and my chiropractor told me no gym afterwards), and then I went to hang out with friends on Sunday. I was thinking I would "forget," but then I decided that I owed it to myself to be honest with myself. So, I weighed in.

Now, it's only a 0.6 pound loss since last week, but I'll take it since a) I'm back in the 230s and b) it's still a loss. I'm using this as a motivation to lose that 4.4 pounds to get new shoes. It's going to mean a lot of on point eating and high intensity work outs with strength training. I think I can do it!

In other news, I noticed that I bruised my hand yesterday playing frisbee. I didn't know that was a thing.

I'm not sure you can see it, but it's at the base of my index finger and when I hit it on the steering wheel just right, it was a little jolt of pain. Otherwise, don't worry - I think I'll make it.

Also, on the good news train: I woke up without back or hip pain today. I think I'm going to go for an adjustment tomorrow after work and then go for a swim at the gym, since swimming is something I'm supposedly allowed to do. Now, I've never gone swimming in a public pool since high school because I have this weird thing where I feel compelled to plug my nose at all times when I'm underwater. Fortunately, I have a nose plug. I also have a crappy pair of goggles. So, I tried on some of my one pieces last night and found one that'll do the job and have promised myself I'll go after being adjusted tomorrow. And I have to say, props to me for trying something completely new and out of my comfort zone. 

Today at work was a typical Monday for me: slow morning and fast afternoon. It was also a fasting day, so I tried to keep breakfast smaller, so I omitted the bread in exchange for a yogurt protein smoothie. It was a good choice, I guess. However, around 9:00 a.m., my stomach started audibly growling. Whoops.

After work, the interns got together to study some good stuff. Today we discussed preterm labor and reviewed some basic anatomy. And, Alisha was kind enough to feed us some legit white chicken chili, which I've never had before. It seemed like it was pretty healthy, so despite not being able to control my own food on a fasting day, I think I was pretty close with my calorie goal for the day.

Learning

So, wish me luck on my new things tomorrow! Do you have to psych yourself up for trying a new activity or are you really easy going? Any tips for being nervous about making an ass of myself?

No shoes for me

So, today started out with a womp, womp. I just missed it with my weigh-in today!

My goal was 240.2 and I missed it by 0.8 pounds. Too bad. No new shoes for me! But, I did lose 5.2 pounds, so I'm happy about that. And I'm going to try again. I'm going to set another goal: 2 weeks - 5 pounds. I'm sure this will be a bit harder because I just lost 5.2 pounds in 2 weeks, but I also know that I can do it. And it's been a bit since I've been in the 230s. And I want those new shoes, damn it. So I'm really going to try to pull it out this time. I'm thinking adding in the strength training will help me this time when I mostly did cardio over the last two weeks.

The rest of today was pretty good. It was a busy day and it was also a fast day, so I started the day out with a hefty breakfast and then waited until dinner out at a Korean restaurant with my coworkers to eat again. 

I hmmed and hawed through the day as to whether or not I wanted to go, but then almost everyone was going to go and I didn't want to be the odd resident out. So, I went and enjoyed myself and was definitely glad I went. The only downside was that the restaurant was a bit far from home, so I didn't get home until 8:30ish. So, I hurriedly washed my face and brushed my teeth and now I'm blogging and I don't have a lot of photos - sorry! I didn't snap any pictures of the food at dinnerbecause there was so much of it - it was family style and I would've felt a bit creepy. But, there was a lot of meat and veggies. We also had to eat with chopsticks, so it slowed me down a bit ;-)

Tomorrow I'm planning on doing a cardio day given that I have personal training on Wednesday and don't want to be too sore for it. I'm also still a bit sore from the strength training I did on Friday.

Anyone have a favorite ethnic food? That was my first time trying Korean food and it was pretty delicious!

Living my life rather than letting it pass on by

One of the things I stopped doing in medical school was living my life. When I wasn't tied to my books, I felt as though I should have been and punished myself by not letting myself do things I really enjoyed, by not being healthy, and by not treating myself with respect. I'm going to try really hard not to do the same thing in residency. Yes, my job is important. Yes, the health of all my patients really matters to me. And yes, I want to do my absolute best all the time. But I don't want to lose myself again. I don't want to stop living life. I don't want to skip the gym because I feel I haven't earned it. I don't want to say no to social times with friends because I should be studying. In all honesty, an hour is not going to make or break me. And that's something I kinda reminded myself in fourth year (when we had a lot more free time). And that's also why I'm hoping I can sustain my blog this year.

Anywho, one of the reasons I didn't blog last night is because some co-workers went out to grab dinner and drinks later in the evening and of course, I had to go. But, I went after I worked out with my new personal trainer. I'm kinda skeptical about this trainer. Having worked out with a personal trainer before, I felt like the intensity was much lower than what I was expecting. That being said, Troy explained that yesterday was kind of a baseline check  for him to see what I can do. He seems like a good guy and I was very honest with him. I told him I would be using him as an additional source of accountability because I will lose weight and work hard if someone's keeping track with me, but I have a harder time/won't do it if I'm just doing it on my own. We're going to do weigh-ins and measurements and all that jazz, but he says he only likes to do that once a month. I personally think that once a week weigh-ins are better because it keeps me better motivated if the scale doesn't change in a week. He says that if I have a bad weigh-in he wouldn't want it to affect me. But we'll see. I might be able to wear him down. When I worked out with Mark, I used to have a 3 pound a week goal. I think that's pretty reasonable, but I think Troy is intending me to go a bit slower. We'll see. I have no problem telling him he needs to push me harder.

Other than that, things are pretty okay. Today was my second fasting day. It was a lot harder than it was on Monday because I sat idle during a lot of the day given that I was on triage when we had our PA (physician's assistant) who handles a majority of triage. I worked on my knot tying and chatted with the med students and other residents. I also did some circumcisions and made some calls I'd been meaning to make that I hadn't had the time to make up until this point. I did as much as possible to stay busy because you definitely feel the hunger more when you're not doing anything. I know it'll get easier because I used to fast in Uganda all the time - going home for lunch was too much of a pain in the ass. So, it was breakfast around 8 a.m. and dinner around 9:30 a.m. with some mango juice for lunch (which doesn't exactly count). Today, however, I had my typical breakfast and then had a buttload of shrimp for dinner since I was really hungry. I also opted out of the gym since we didn't get out until a little after 6 and I wanted to eat ASAP. I also wanted a chill night at home since I haven't had one of those in a while. I watched America's Got Talent and I'm going to head to bed soon, I think.

Two photos for you:

Breakfast (not pictured: yogurt protein smoothie)

Dinner

Thanks for the yummy dessert recipes! I'm thinking I'll try baking something this weekend after I hit up Eastern Market (a massive farmer's market in Detroit). Now, does anyone have a low cal dinner recipe they'd recommend? It would majorly help with my fasting dinners that should be about 300 calories max.

Not enough hours in this struggle of a day

So, today started out crappy and it didn't improve much.

I had my weigh-in today and let's just say - it was not what I was expecting.

That is a 0.4 pound difference from last week, which could be rounded down to zero. So, that was not what I was hoping to see. I felt as though I was on point with my eating last week (minus Thursday), but maybe I'm overdoing it on the carbs. So, I figured today would be the first day I tried out the FastDiet.

In short, the FastDiet is a 5day-2day diet where for two of the days a week, you essentially fast. You eat 600 calories total split between breakfast and dinner. And the time between the two meals is as long as possible. Since today was also the first day of my period and I rarely get hungry on day 1 of my period, I decided to give it a whirl. I had a mostly normal breakfast (minus the yogurt protein shake) and had a protein shake + leftover salmon for dinner.

Breakfast

Blurry pic of dinner

So, I have no disclosures to make - I don't work for FastDiet, I don't get paid by them or anything, but I learned about it while in Malawi. One of the docs at the hospital I worked at did the FastDiet to lose weight. Supposedly there are a bunch of health benefits to fasting (read the book if you're interested in learning more), but the basic science behind it is that when we first inhabited the earth, we lived in a truly hunter and gatherer society where there were times of feast and famine. During the times of famine, we essentially fasted, and that's what our bodies are actually used to, and that's how they function best. The author backs it up with lots of literature and his own experience. He gives you all his medical tests pre-fasting and then shows them to you all again post-fasting for a while (I don't remember how long, but it wasn't long). Anywho, everything was better post-fasting. Now, the other thing he did was compare it to just normal calorie-restricted diets and it seemed to be having more positive health effects faster. Soo, anywho, I decided to give it a whirl. And let me tell you, given the way today went, there basically wasn't any time for eating anyway.

However, a little after lunch time, I was asked if I'd gotten lunch. I said no and that I was fasting. I was met with mostly some "suit yourself" and "whatever"s, but one person asked me if I was basically trying to starve myself thing. No. The answer is no. You go back to eating normally on the days you're not fasting, but you fast two days a week. I figured since calorie restricting wasn't helping, why not try something new? I'll give it my best go this week and report back. Today wasn't hard at all. In fact, after the day was done, I was mostly just dehydrated.

But I could have been dehydrated from nearly bleeding out (not really) this morning. So, when I went to put on my backpack this morning, I thought my backpack strap had pinched my upper arm. It really stung, but as I was on my way out the door, I mostly ignored it and moved on. However, once I was in the car, I took a look to see if it had already started bruising because I pinched it hard. Nope. Turned out, I had ripped through the middle of a mole/skin tag on my arm and it was bleeding profusely. So, I grabbed the scub shirt I wore yesterday (I was taking it back to exchange it for a new one) and stripped off my shirt, put the dirty one on, and used the bloody one to hold pressure while I drove to work. Once at work, I grabbed some tissues on the bottom floor near the entrance and held pressure until I got upstairs and a co-resident bandaged me up. And I left my bloodied shirt on the front seat of my car. I'm sure any onlookers would've been majorly grossed out. Oops.

So, that start to my morning (shitty weigh-in, nearly bleeding out), kinda reflects how the rest of my day went. I understand that starting out as an intern is going to suck and there's going to be a major learning curve, but yikes. I doubt my doctor abilities like whoa.

And to top it off, I hurriedly did some grocery shopping tonight and bought a big ass watermelon only to find out when I cut into it that it was totally going bad. I tried a piece to see if some of it was salvagable, but nope. So, goodbye $5. Does anyone know if you can get your money back for bad produce that you tossed? I mean, I took a picture of it...

You nasty, watermelon

It can only go up from here though, right? Even if I literally didn't have time to get to the gym today because I stayed so late at work and then had a bunch of HR, insurance, and all that bullshit to do and will likely have a sore back tomorrow, things will be okay, right? SOMEONE SAY YES.

How do you deal with really bad days? Do you have a certain person you call or talk to? A certain activity you like to do? Some advice please!

In a Cardio Pickle

So things were good, but busy. Today, I shared my 6 pound goal with two co-workers and am hoping that that will help me stay on track. When other people are watching what you put in your mouth, it gives you a tad more accountability, which is exactly what I need. Anyway, let's start from the beginning!

I woke up nice and early, made myself a yummy breakfast, and grabbed the yogurt protein smoothie to go.

Eggs, toast, farmer's market strawberries, watermelon

I snacked in the morning on my belVita bars and tried to stay hydrated in between seeing patients. I grabbed lunch from the free resident food place and snapped a very discrete pic for you guys.

Free lunch tastes better than lunch you pay for ;-)

I had half a plate of bagged salad, some cod, and a spoonful of the veggie lasagna. Aaaand, today I brought my healthier, yummier salad dressing rather than take a packet of the fatty (but still delicious) ranch dressing.

Yum

I didn't really have an opportunity for an afternoon snack, but I tried my best to stay hydrated and ate a fiber one cookie on my way to the gym. Working out on an empty stomach is not my favorite, so though I know eating on the way to the gym isn't super smart, buuuuut it was 100% necessary.

My workout today was just okay. There are only 5 of the ellipticals that I really like (the ones that let you ramp up the resistance) and they were all taken. I was in a bit of a cardio pickle. I wanted to do some cardio, but I didn't want to run. And I feel super lame just walking on a treadmill. So, I tried doing an interval workout on a different type of elliptical, but it wasn't getting my heart rate up enough. I tried just moving as fast as possible, but I wasn't thrilled with that either. Sooo, about 10 minutes into that, one of those ellipticals opened up and I finished my workout on that. It was waaaay harder than the elliptical I was already on. That being said, I think I need to explore some new cardio options. Anyone have any suggestions?

After dinner, I ran to meijer to grab some ingredients I need to marinate some fish I want for tomorrow night and then I came home and quickly made a sandwich because I was pretty damn hungry. I got to use some of my farmer's market tomatoes and lettuce, so it was pretty much the bomb. I thought I snapped a pic, but I didn't. But, I did snap a pic of my Tropicana fruit/veggie juice. I measured it out to make sure I got my 8 oz.

1 serving of fruit + 1 serving of veggies in 8 oz!

Tomorrow I have a conference for most of the day, so I get to sleep in a bit tomorrow - until like 5:30 a.m. Yay! Buuut, while I'm learning about fetal heart tones, I'm hoping some of you fabulous readers can suggest a good idea of what I can do for cardio in case I'm in a cardio pickle again.

So, what do you do for cardio? I have a whole gym at my disposal...

First day doing it all

So, let's start out with the number that you've all been waiting for - my latest weigh-in (you can see all of my weigh-ins here)!

So, next week, my goal is to hit 240.2 and if I do, new tennis shoes for meeeee!

The rest of the day was pretty uneventful, but at the same time eventful because it was my first day trying to juggle life as it will be for the next two weeks with no time off - not even a weekend!

After my weigh-in, I showered and made some breakfast. My breakfasts always tend to be the same, so eventually you'll get bored of seeing it. That being said, if you have any suggestions for yummy, low-cal breakfasts, I'm all ears!

2 egg whites + 1 whole egg, sourdough toast, watermelon

On my way out the door, I grab a yogurt protein shake - it's my way of trying to avoid snacking too much before lunch. But, when breakfast is about 7 hours before lunch, that's hard to do ;-)

This is an old photo I have so you can see the protein shake

At work, I made it until like 8/8:30 before my stomach started audibly growling. I had some new belVita breakfast bars in my bag and I had 2/4 of them, but gobbled down the other 2 like an hour later. I also ate an apple that I had from last week.

I got lunch around 12:45, which was pretty decent - I managed to take a picture of it today as I walked down the hall. About half my plate is bagged salad (beggars can't be choosers), there's some curry chicken which was pretty moist, and then some fish casserole thing...? I don't always know what I'm eating, but I appreciate not having to cook. There's a pretty decent selection and I try to fill at least half my plate with salad. That being said, they only have two options for salad dressing: ranch and italian. So, tomorrow I'm taking my own salad dressing - it's healthier and yummier :-)

After lunch, I ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. I think about 10 women delivered this afternoon. But it was so great! I hate sitting around idle, so, to me, being busy is awesome. I learned a lot today and got in a lot of steps! My fitbit (like most fitbits, I think) is set to 10,000 steps a day and I definitely made it today.

Once I headed out around 5:45, I ate a fiber bar, rehydrated, and headed straight to the gym - not the one near work, the one near where I live. I like the feel of that L.A. Fitness better. Plus, I kinda like the anonymity. I majorly sweated it out during an elliptical session and then headed home where I ate some watermelon and drank insta-urine raspberry green tea crystal light.

It looks like urine, but it's not

ALL THE MELON IN MY MOUTH

I had to wait a half hour to cook my quesadilla dinner and I needed a little something to munch on until it was done given that it was already past 7. 

Trader Joe's got my back

Half an hour to bake this thing

Dinner + fat-free sour cream

I did some reading for work, restocked my gym bag and am getting ready to hit the hay. One of the things I'm trying to think about is how to pack healthy snacks. At work, I usually need something super portable, but I don't love the idea of eating packaged food all day - I'd like to get some fresh fruit in there. Any ideas? What's your go-to healthy snack?

Awesome first day!

Well, let me just say that I am super pumped about this month after today. Sure, there were slow points. Sure, there were the I'm-so-tired-an-explosion-in-my-pants-wouldn't-wake-me points. But, mostly, I'm really thrilled with the nurses and doctors I get to learn from. And that's enough about that - work will stay at work!

Waking up at 4:15 was rough today. I got out of bed and my left temple was pounding in protest. I took something for pain and went about the morning. I knew I needed to eat a hearty breakfast because you never know when food'll be an option in the OB world - it really can be feast or famine. Anywho, today's hearty breakfast was two egg whites + 1 egg, cantaloupe, strawberries, and a slice of banana bread I made on Saturday.

We get lunch for free at work - it's in a place affectionately known as "the trough." Do with that what you will. It's mostly decent food, but there's no such thing as fresh fruit (unless you count the overly waxed apples and oranges). There is salad that once upon a time lived in a bag somewhere and there's usually something pretty okay. Today, I heaped half my styrofoam plate high with salad/lettuce and the other half had some kind of lemon pepper fish and a BBQ chicken drumstick. Then I went hungry until a suture representative brought the interns cookies. I definitely had a few as my stomach was causing me physical pain. Then we hung out for a few more hours before my first rep dinner with people trying to sell us equipment. So, I had a pretty awesome teriyaki chicken with some veggies and a little bit of rice.

Given that we were at the dinner until 8, I opted out of the gym because my butt (and the rest of me) needs to be in bed. But, tomorrow night I have no excuse dinners, so don't worry - I'll be going!

I think that this is going to take a bit of getting used to. My bowels weren't sure what to do with all the lettuce today and turning down dessert at dinner was hard, but hey - it's a treat! And I wasn't celebrating anything. Plus, I've got some delicious fruit pizza this weekend to look forward to.

Also, thanks for all the love and support - with comments and emails! I'm going to have an easier time because of all of you! I especially liked the comments about keeping it slow and steady and not going for the all or nothing. Making positive changes should be gradual - I've learned from my own past that going balls to the walls only results in pain. When I focus on all or nothing, I usually just fail and then I really let myself spiral into a pity party that isn't pleasant for anyone.

More photos (I kinda forgot today) and a weigh-in on Monday (forgot that too!) for you to look forward to! In the mean time, have you ever had to talk yourself into being okay with a gray area or imperfection?

TOO BUSY. MUST BLOG.

Holy fuck, you guys. It's been so busy. Like, what happened to my life? I feel like one second, I was chilling, minding my own business and then WHAM! EVERYTHING ALL AT ONCE. I have a sneaking suspicion that it's because I legitimately didn't do anything last weekend, but who knows?

Anywho, this is going to have to be brief because my ass has to be awake waaaaay before the sun's does tomorrow. Waking up at 5:30 tomorrow thanks to some day-long conference in East Lansing. Boo.

The hospital today: good patients, good teaching by my attending (again). Got let out at 3:15. Baller. That meant I could definitely hit the gym.

Gym: weight training day. I was hesitant about going because I knew how much shit I had to do tonight, but I went and was surprised that there wasn't even a battle for benches tonight. Baller. Glad I went. It was awkward though when I saw one of my surgery residents who I'm pretty sure thought I was dumb as shit. She looked impressed with my skills with the machines and weights though. So, there's that...?

Post-gym: Ran to meijer despite the fact that I was starving to buy a few essentials for tonight and tomorrow and to get some cash back to put towards gas as we're car pooling in the a.m.

Studying: TOO MUCH TO LEARN. NOT ENOUGH TIME.

Positive of the day: Uh, I helped motivate a friend to get her [teeny] butt to the gym despite the fact that she really, really, really didn't want to. GOOD JOB, FRIEND.

Photos: For your viewing pleasure.

Breakfast

Post-gym snack 

Post-gym smoothie in my favorite measuring cup (it was a gift and I lurrrve it)

Snack on the way to the grocery store so I wouldn't buy the store

Dinna - I WAS STARVING.

Muffins for tomorrow's commute

Had to at least try one before I packed them up. It was legit.

That's all folks. Weigh in tomorrow morning. Fuuuuuuck. Hooray!