Back to the Pixel life!

So, I made it a week. One looooong week of using the iPhone and Apple Watch (I also bought the AirPods and returned them after a few days). And then I gave up and went to the Verizon store and returned it and got the newest Google Pixel. My family and medical assistant are currently celebrating because the only thing I did this week (besides work) was bitch about how terrible the iPhone is. The thing I missed the most was the ability to open chrome on any computer I use and pair my phone so I can text from the computer. It's just so convenient! Anywho, now that my happiness has been restored, we can catch up.

Tuesday I ended up going in to the hospital after work to do an add-on case with my partner, which obviously got bumped a bajillion times, because that's always the case. So, I helped with a C-section, went home, called the OR folks a bunch of times to bug them about when the surgery would actually happen, went back in for the surgery that I needed to do and then got home around 11pm. Then I spent 20+ minutes trying to poop because right after I take wegovy, I get constipated and then it's like trying to birth a baby to have a poop. Finally got my bowels to do their duty (ha) and then was kept awake by the loud thunderstorm. Felt like garbage on Wednesday because of being very sleep deprived, so I went home after work and took a nap, which is something I rarely do. After my nap, my tummy was very rumbly and I was a gas monster and I knew the diarrhea was coming. I was proved right, so I took some Imodium and went to bed. I woke up 4-5 times overnight to explode. 

Thursday was my birthday and the start of year 36 was an explosion fest. We did family breakfast and I took the last two doses of Imodium that I could take and the explosions thankfully stopped. My work pals decorated the office and brought in donuts. I was able to eat like 1/4 of one and a bite or two of another. Then we went to Panera for lunch where I ate my salad and half my sandwich. We had cake at work and I had a slice. One of my pals stopped by with some cookies, which looked amazing, but I also had a sugary Starbucks drink, so I was overloaded on the sugar. Nasur got Indian food for dinner, which I managed to eat a bit of and had cake ready for dessert and I managed a bite. 

Now, I gave you all of the above detail because I want to just emphasize how much the Wegovy has helped me. Normally, I'd eat 2-3 donuts when someone brought them in. And if I didn't, I would be constantly thinking about how I wanted to. Simply not the case. I was okay having just a tiny bit and didn't think about them again. Also, with the cake and cookies? Normally, I'd have eaten multiple servings of both, but I had literally no craving to do so. None. It's just shocking to me how much my brain chemistry/how much the mindfuckery of food has just vanished. I feel like I'm finally having a somewhat normal relationship with food. Which is why I'm so hesitant to give up the Wegovy. Yes, the diarrhea is miserable. And the lack of sleep due to the nighttime awakenings to explode is rough. But, it may be worth it. My obesity medicine doc checked in with me this week to see how the Saxenda was going and I told her about how I was going to see how the Wegovy went this week with the Imodium. I'll check in with her again after a few more doses once I've decided how much of the diarrhea I can tolerate. Honestly, the diarrhea is more tolerable than the iPhone!

Reyah's recent toothbrush photos

Look at those big beautiful eyes!

Also, if you read between the lines: I haven't exercised since Monday. I did PT today, but does that count? Eh, I don't think so. I'm finally getting the new gym membership tomorrow. I've also been scoping out treadmills on Facebook marketplace. If I get a treadmill, I'll cancel my first gym membership. If I don't, I'll keep it because I do prefer their treadmill area to the 24 hour fitness one. 

Feeling inadequate and getting adjusted

So today started out with a dilemma because I was having a bit more back and hip pain than recently. I couldn't figure out if I should cancel my trainer appointment and just get adjusted today or tough it out until Friday. After talking to Nasur, I opted to cancel my trainer appointment. And that was definitely a good choice given the operating I had to do today with a very short attending who kept the table at her height (read: lots of bending at awkward angles for me). The chiropractor wasn't surprised to hear that I was getting sore again, but when he adjusted me, he said I was still pretty decently aligned. So, he recommended just getting adjusted once a week from here on out, but that I should come again Monday just in case I get out of whack again this weekend.

In other news, I think because my Mondays, Tuesdays, and Wednesdays are a bit more challenging than my Thursdays and Fridays, I get down on myself. I mean, I really struggle with some things and I know it's only my first month and I'll get the hang of things, but man oh man, I hate feeling so inadequate. It wasn't helped by one attending who stopped one of my seniors from letting me do something today because he needed to remember that I "don't know anything - I mean, basically nothing." Um, I did go to medical school. So, I probably know something. I belittle myself enough - I really don't need someone else to do it, too. But I just smiled and thanked her for teaching me because getting upset with her for being unkind isn't going to get me anywhere. And that's another reason I'm glad I took tonight for myself. I got adjusted, grabbed some groceries, and relaxed at home. I'm going to bed soon because I have to be at work at 5:00 a.m. tomorrow since we have lecture from 6-8 a.m. and have to see all of our patients beforehand.

Sooo, sorry this isn't a more exciting entry, but I'm exhausted and a little bummed.

Breakfast

Lunch: a gyro, banana, and grapes

Dinner = toast + bruschetta (among other things)

Catch you guys on the flip side in a better mood, I promise!

Back pain and high hopes for tomorrow's weigh-in!

So, after I set my alarm last night, I realized I would only be getting 9 hours of sleep instead of the 10 I was hoping for. But, hey, it's better than the 6 I'll be getting tonight ;-)

Anywho, this morning was rough. I woke up with some mild low back pain and then as I stood in the shower, it steadily got worse till I couldn't lift my leg to wash it. Now I've thrown out my back before and it's not fun, but I couldn't figure out how I was going to deliver babies like that. I took some ibuprofen, bitched to the boyfriend, and then felt mostly better by the time I got to work. I'm thinking that skipping the gym on Friday (I didn't want to be all sweaty for my dinner date with friends) and skipping it on Saturday (so I could sleep) maybe wasn't the best idea. My hips and low back thank me when I go to the gym - I rarely wake up in pain. But maybe two days straight without the gym did me in. It was just a gentle reminder to my body that I need to hit the gym frequently. And, I heard you, body. Today I put in a little under an hour of cardio and I felt awesome. In fact, I felt like running after because I still felt like I had so much energy. However, I had another dinner date with a friend, so I kept myself restrained ;-)

In other news, working both weekend days is rough. I imagine by the end of the week, I will have earned the weekend to myself. I did a few deliveries, saw quite a few patients, and learned a lot. I'm so thankful that all the doctors here are so good at teaching and so willing to let an intern try their hand at things.

The other thing about working the weekends is that there are fewer people so you're spread a little more thin - a.k.a. you're busy! I love being kept busy at work. I hate having down time, so I was happy constantly running around. It also helps you forget that you're hungry. Now I'm not saying you should starve yourself, but it keeps you from eating idly or because you're bored. Tomorrow we'll see how well that paid off when I do my one week weigh-in. I'm hoping I lost half my goal of 6 pounds so I can make good progress toward getting new shoes!

And with that, I shall leave you with some photos and the hopes of a good weigh-in tomorrow!

Tonight's salmon burger

Today's breakfast

Yesterday's breakfast

Friday's lunch: 2 crab rangoons, some fish, a scoop of veggie lasagna, lots o' salad

Do you do anything to keep yourself from eating when you're not actually hungry?

Mindless Munching

So today was a longer day with lots of little temptations throughout. To begin with, it was an early one - I had to be at work at about 5. So, I was tempted to sleep a bit more and skip breakfast. But then I'd die of hunger for sure. So, that was out and my butt had to get out of bed at like 4 to shower and make myself some food. I grabbed a protein yogurt shake on my way out the door and made the quick drive to the hospital, updating Nasur on the life of a doctor in America.

Then during our two hour meeting from 6-8, there was a huge platter of donuts, muffins, and bagels with some apples and oranges. I opted for a bagel (which I held on to until my tummy started to rumble a bit after 7) and grabbed an apple for later. I had a blueberry muffin when another hunger pang hit around 9:30 and held out until lunch around 1:30. Today was the first day we had our meal cards (the hospital gives us $1300 for food over a year), so I went to the cafeteria where there were lots of yummy looking options, but I opted for a chicken sandwich and yogurt. Mid-afternoon, I finally ate that apple and by the time I was done with work, I was starving. 

Since I promised to grab some stuff from Trader Joe's for the family, I headed straight there and picked up their requests as well as a chicken sandwich and some fruit bars. As I was chowing down in the car, I realized I didn't care for the sandwich nor did I care for the fruit bar. And then I realized that I do that all the time: I eat an entire package/serving/bowl/whatever without actually liking it. And I do it mindlessly most often. Because I go on autopilot when I eat: see an entire plate of food, eat the entire plate of food. I think we all do that and we're bred to do that - popcorn at the movies? Snacks while we work? It's just stupid. It's also a lot of calories I don't need, so I'm being a bit more mindful about it!

Anywho, it's only 8:15 and I didn't get to the gym, but I'm going to go drag my butt to bed for like 12 hours. I'm exhausted. I have a free personal training session tomorrow, so I'll let you know how that goes!

Here are some photos from today:

Breakfast: eggs, cantaloupe, blueberries, banana bread

The last of the chicken sandwich I didn't eat

I liked the nutrition facts, lol

The texture? Ew.

Spotted banana snack when I got home - the best kind of banana snack!

1 serving of fruits and veggies per 8 oz, so 8 oz for me!

Snacky-poo

Do you do any mindless munching?

Day one of my one week challenge

Today was day one of the new challenge I set for myself yesterday. So far, so good. But day one is usually always a good day because you're usually willing to stick to your guns. I know if I want to, I can keep it up.

So I turned off all alarms last night so I could just sleep until whenever but Bailey decided to thwart my plans to sleep in and came in around 7 a.m. and kept meowing. I recall his food bowl being on the low side last night and immediately regretted forgetting to refill it last night. He's usually pretty good about leaving me alone in the morning until my alarm goes off, but since it was past the normal alarm time and I wasn't up yet, he let me know that he was hungry. So I stumbled out of bed, filled up his food, and fell back into bed. I laid there and fought with myself about whether or not I should be sleeping or starting my day, but I opted to go back to sleep until 9:30ish.

Upon getting up, I set to work on my week challenge. I weighed in (photo below) and then made some breakfast, hit up the farmer's market, hit the gym, and then came home to hurriedly pack up my dirty laundry, shower, and eat lunch before heading to Kalamazoo to see my sister, do laundry, and work on my residency applications.

Latest weigh in (check out my weigh-in page)

I want to talk about this morning before moving on. First of all, it took a bit of convincing to tell myself that if I was tired, I deserved to go back to bed. Sometimes rest is just as important as exercise in weight loss. Then, I purposely ate breakfast before the farmer's market because an empty stomach makes me way more likely to buy more. I kept it pretty light - I got some celery, lettuce, San Francisco sourdough bread (sandwich style), apples, and blueberries. Then I headed straight to the gym where I ran into Krista, a fellow healthy lifestyle blogger. I met Krista for lunch once before as we were both going to school in Grand Rapids and she recently moved back. I stumbled upon her first blog via SparkPeople and she has definitely been one of my biggest influences in the blogging part of my weight loss. It was through her blog that I learned what a huge blog community there is. Anywho, we chatted for a bit and she gave me the deets about spinning at the Y before I hit up the elliptical for the day.

While I'm on the elliptical, I like to be doing something else: reading or watching TV. I couldn't decide if I wanted to read or watch the season premiere of Biggest Loser. I opted for Biggest Loser and I'm certainly glad I did! Watching that show while working out really made me push myself harder to keep my heart rate up. I mean, I'm currently heavier than some of the contestants on this new season! I also love their new trainers, Jen and Jessie. Some of the things Jen said really resonated with me. She talks about how you can operate from a place of fear or a place of love and that it's operating from a place of love that really allows you to accomplish your goals. I was just talking about that when I blogged about how I needed to believe in myself and how I need to love myself a bit more! And she's so right. During my year off between undergrad and med school, I totally loved myself and treated myself like I was worth it. Now that I'm in medicine (where you can never know it all), I feel inadequate a lot of the time and those feelings of inadequacy and fear have become so commonplace that it's definitely my normal operating mode. I'm working on breaking out of that and I'm hoping this challenge and publishing all of my recorded weigh-ins will help me work towards positivity again. And I recruited my friend Lisa to help me with this challenge and get me off to the right foot. You can follow her challenge on her blog!

Spending the afternoon with my sister was also a positive thing for me. She just started PA school (she's studying to become a physician assistant) and she's learning the basics. It totally reminded me of first semester of med school where I was completely overwhelmed almost all the time. I cried at least once a week for probably the first semester. And though I know it definitely doesn't feel like it, I realized that things do get easier and that you learn to work with what you've got. Starting anything new is going to be difficult. But it's worth it. And that's keeping me motivated with these residency applications. I'm applying EVERYWHERE and it's terrifying to think that I'll be starting something new, but it's also exciting. It'll probably suck major at the start (like my sister's realizing now), but it'll be okay.

Since I spent the afternoon with my sister, I packed snacks and made us a steak dinner. Unfortunately, I forgot the camera, so you only get photos from this morning.

Breakfast with sad-tasting grapes

Snack before heading out for the morning

Lunch with my delicious sourdough bread!

My goal for this one-week challenge is to get the scale down to 239.8 next week. I know that seems like a lot in a week (6.2 pounds), but breaking into the 230s again would totally boost my confidence. I'm going to achieve this goal by adhering to my challenge pretty strictly: working out, counting calories, packing food, and not weighing in until next Saturday. The first week of getting back on track usually leads to a pretty big change on the scale for me, so I'm hoping that's the case this time! I'm also going to stay hydrated as much as possible. I'd also like to set the goal of being in the low 220s by the end of this calendar year (220-225). I think 26 pounds is a lot, but if you think about it, I have half of September, all of October, all of November, and all of December to bust my butt to get there - that's 15 weeks that I need to lose 1.5-2 pounds per week and I think that's reasonable.

Today's positive: making awesome strides on day one of the challenge and setting some lofty goals that are totally attainable if I treat my mind and body positively. Also, my other positive for today was motivating Lisa to make some changes too!

Feeling a bit better

So, I was going to apologize for my semi-Debbie Downer/Negative Nancy post this morning, but then I was thinking to myself that I shouldn't have to apologize for feeling what I'm feeling. I deserve to feel how I want and not apologize for it. So, there you go. No apology for you.

The rest of the day was less tearful than the beginning. It included grocery shopping (for the few things I couldn't get at the farmer's market, i.e., cat food and cat litter), a phone call catching up with a friend, a video chat date, a nap, and a minimal amount of studying. So, I'm actually incredibly glad that tomorrow starts a new week. I need a fresh start. I need to get up, get studying, and get out of this funk. And given that tomorrow isn't supposed to be gross and rainy/cloudy, I'll be glad to see some sun and maybe get some studying done outdoors.

On the deck for tomorrow is a meeting with another one of my letter writers and a lunch date with a friend who's headed back to Ohio tomorrow for a while. So, I've gotta be super productive. My plan is to get up, do half a question set while I hydrate and eat a small snack, head to the gym, get home, shower, read, go to lunch, do some more reading, do some questions, head to see my letter writer, go to Zumba, and come back for more ready and questions. I'll let you know how my day goes.

I'm also going to do a weigh-in tomorrow despite not eating very awesome over the weekend. But, the scale doesn't lie and it's a good way for me to monitor my progress and set a new goal for next week. 

Today's positive: Going to the gym and eating well, despite feeling teary and sad for myself. It's hardest to do nice things for ourselves when we're not feeling great, so I'm glad I was able to do that for me.

And here are all the photos on my camera since my last post:

Friday's breakfast

My farmer's market outfit cuz it's cold as eff in Michigan lately

Best. Cinnamon. Roll. Of. My. Life.

Bagel for Saturday's breakfast

Mmm. Garlic. Mmm. Sourdough. Had to have it

Turned out to be only okay - this is a mini plate, btw - I didn't eat that much bread

Part 2 of lunch (part 1 was the bread)

Saturday's breakfast

Today's post-gym fuel

Today's breakfast/lunch

My farmer's market cauliflower, which I roasted tonight

Catch you tomorrow for a weigh-in!

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed

I definitely woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning. Though I'm not sure there's a right side when you get less than 5 hours of sleep, but I was a grouch all day. I don't think I was mean to anyone, but I wasn't my usual bubbly self at work. And I really didn't care.

After work, I wasn't even going to try to go to the gym because apparently there's such a thing as thundersnow and it was proving to be one hell of a bitch of a storm. The roads were awful and I got stuck going up my driveway, which really frustrates me because my landlord has been doing a pretty poor job of keeping up with the snow this winter. I've never gotten stuck in my parking lot or the driveway before this year and it's happened to me 5 or 6 times this year. So, I got home in a piss poor mood and nearly ate everything in sight (mostly cuz I was also hungry), but instead I made myself two glasses of crystal light and munched on a serving size of pretzels and started working on some write-ups. Then, when I was calmed down and more rational about serving sizes, I made myself some dinner.

So you needn't read between the lines: I didn't work out today. I told myself I could do some Wii Just Dance, but it was 9:30 when I realized I should start getting ready for bed and I just didn't feel up to it. Don't judge me. I'll get my exercise in. I'm not about to ask you guys to help hold me accountable and then just not work out. But I probably won't get my first gym visit in until Wednesday the way this week is looking schedule-wise. You've been warned. Please don't shame me until Wednesday.

Food for today:

Breakfast

French toast juice

Breakfast for dinner

I grew up using cinnamon and sugar for my french toast, not syrup

Evening snack

Tomorrow's lunch: ham and cheese sandwich with fruit

Tomorrow's morning snack

Not pictured were the four brownies I ate today. I know, I know. But it was one of the medical student's birthdays and his mom brought them in. The good thing is that really, I feel as though I only ate 2 because they were so small, but I would have survived had I eaten just one. I know that now. Hindsight is always 20/20. Blah, blah. Stop judging.

Here's to a better tomorrow!