Food Photos and Accountability

Because of the aforementioned blogging frenzy, I took photos of my food today. Because, accountability. I don't know if that led me to eat more healthy stuff or if it led me to eat less junk stuff, but today's eats were pretty legit. I finished my 24 hour shift, drove home, made some eggs to eat alongside my yogurt drink and then ate them while doing therapy. Once done with breakfast, I hopped on my treadmill and completed my therapy session while walking. Movement therapy? Check. Talk therapy? Check. Bad ass multitasking? Check. Killing it.

I showered and then immediately passed out due to working a 24 hour shift. That being said, while in the midst of trying to sleep, I was so hungry. Like so, so hungry. I figured eating would be dumb because I was about to be unconscious, but I feel like I've been really hungry a lot lately and I don't know why. About 15 minutes before my alarm was due to go off, I got up, ate some lunch, and then one of my pals came over so we could go for a walk. She's also a doc and so it's hard for us to find time to spend together because we have garbage schedules, so we got to catch up and get some movement in. Killing it again. We're also hoping to do some more movement activities when we meet up in the future.

The rest of the day I spent with the kiddos. We took down the outdoor Halloween decorations, made a trip to Costco, and then had breakfast for dinner. This is an easy go-to meal when we need something fast but also when we don't want to hear incessant whining about how horrible it is that we make the kids eat dinner.

After dinner, the kids asked for some of their Halloween candy. I had tucked it all away before they got home because they often forget about yummy treats if they can't see them. The little dude remembered so I let them choose two pieces after dinner. My mom thinks I'm a buzzkill, but maybe if I were taught to limit myself, I wouldn't be in the situation I'm in now. Who knows?

Anywho, I packed some good stuff for work tomorrow and will hopefully get a good number of steps in on my walking pad. I'm also ignoring election stuff completely right now because the stress is real! (I already turned in my ballot, don't worry).

Breakfast: 3 scrambled eggs fresh from the farm

An internet photo of my yogurt drink

My protein drink while my lunch heated up

Leftover beef pot pie for lunch

Me and my walking pal - we did 3.26 miles in an hour

Post-walk snack

Dinner; not pictured is another serving of eggs

Ate half of this pancake, but ultimately was underwhelmed and didn't finish it

Kiddos doing homework with Nana

Zayd's toothbrush photo

Reyah's toothbrush photo

Onwards to another post of me killing it tomorrow! Planning on a weigh-in on Wednesday because, duh. Alliteration.

A Blogging Frenzy Ahead

Alas, Dear Reader, losing weight is hard and I've been avoiding blogging because I feel like I could be doing better. I have been doing my walking pad at work, but I haven't been in clinic much. I've also been getting my 10k steps a day, but my work outs haven't been very intense. I've been having trouble making healthier choices and eating more snacks than necessary. My scale is showing some weight gain. I have good intentions about the next day as I lay in bed at night, but then when it comes to putting those thoughts into practice - poof! Motivation's gone! 

So, I am going to start using this thing for what I meant it to be for in the first place: amusing ramblings for my countless fans to read accountability/motivation. I'm going to try to take photos of my meals and post them. I'm going to update you on my workouts. And I'm going to try to set a weekly goal and hit it. So, this week's goal is going to be blogging every day. Let's achieve some shit!

Halloween cuties

Toothbrush photo

Looking so grown

Watching at ice skating

Kathy Bates, Retainers, and Back Pain

It's hard to blog/journal/update all my adoring fans over the weekends. Mostly because I'm trying my best to Mom. Now, with this separation/upcoming divorce deal, I have every other weekend off from Mom-ing, but then I'm almost always doctoring. So, who knows what the future will hold? Weekend posts? No weekend posts? Some weekend posts? I am sure you're just as anxious as me to see what happens.

This weekend, I was reading an article about Kathy Bates having lost 100 pounds over the last 7 years. One of the things that struck me is that she said it took her years to be able to listen to/discover/appreciate her body's signals that's she full/satisfied/ready to be done eating. When I took ozempic, that full feeling was loud and clear. (For those of you who aren't long time followers, I tried ozempic and then ultimately discontinued it due to obscene amounts of explosive diarrhea. I also tried Mounjaro, but had the same problem.) So, now I'm trying to see if I have that signaling. Yesterday, I would have said yes. I went to a baby shower and then a dinner with friends and was so overly full, it was uncomfortable. I kept eating because, duh, I'm me, but I realized that maybe I could figure that out for myself, too. So, it'll be something I'm going to try to think of a bit more. 

Back to the baby shower. I was responsible for invitations, onesie decorating, and bringing the cake. Naturally, I got the cake from Costco because I live less than 10 minutes from Costco, a sheet cake is incredibly cheap there, and that cake is awesome. The mousse filling? Chef's kiss. After the party folks had eaten their share, I naturally left it at the host's house. Today I had to go back there because I left my wallet (without realizing it) in addition to some other goodies. While there, the host offered me to take the cake back. We decided to go halfsies because like me, the people in my household also don't need to be eating copious amounts of cake. But man, that cake is so good that I was literally salivating in the car. Thankfully we had stuff to do right away upon my return home because I would have eaten hella cake. We did have it for dessert after dinner and while putting it away, I was already thinking about when I'd have another piece. So, I decided to brush my teeth and put my retainers in to avoid eating more.

Back to today. Today, the kids and I rode our bikes to the park (can you call it bike riding if Zayd rode a motorized mini ATV? Probably not). Often when we go to the park, Zayd wants to play Monster where I run around roaring and try to catch him and Reyah. It gets some steps in while allowing me to publicly humiliate myself - such a multitasker I am! So, I usually agree to it. Today, we had a few more kids playing along because since Reyah started kindergarten, we now know the entire town of Timnath. Well, I was sprinting (for me) and caught a victim, proceeded to lift her up, and immediately felt myself throw out my back. For me, throwing out my back is a once every couple year occurrence. So, I wasn't due as I'd just done this in April and my massage therapist fixed me. She told me it was my hip flexors and did some hella painful manipulation/massage and I walked out pain free after two weeks of worsening pain. So, tonight I tried walking on the treadmill for a half hour and a half hour of stretching. It definitely helped and maybe I won't have to walk hunched over tomorrow, but it still feels like garbage. Thankfully, I have a massage planned for Tuesday. 

Tomorrow I have a long office day and so I'm hoping to eat a hearty breakfast at home and pack some healthy snacks. I realized tonight that we're very low on fruit, so perhaps tomorrow after work will be a Costco trip to stock up again in addition to a solid work out if my back behaves because the kiddos will be with Nasur. 

Thanks for following along! Some cute kid photos for your troubles.

Prime and Shit

Took me a while to get back here as I was buying tons of stuff on Amazon Prime today. My big splurge was an under desk walking pad because, duh, getting more steps in is always the goal. I currently do Garmin cut throat competitions challenges with two of my best pals and one of them seems to have nothing better to do than walk all day every day. So, here's hoping I can win more consistently! I did a quick Google search for best walking pad, read two articles, and then bought one that was in both articles and am having it shipped directly to my office so I have the least amount of work to do as possible. See? Smart. Didn't become a doctor on looks alone ;-) I also opened my order history and anything that was marked as a Prime Day deal was bought in a quantity of 2. And I bought some Christmas and/or birthday stuff for the kiddos. I handed my kids the Amazon toy finder catalog and had them circle things they wanted, searched all of them, and then bought all the things that were age appropriate and were Prime Day deals. Spent a stupid amount of money on that. But, hey, less December spending!

Alas, today I packed food for work and had some watermelon, berries (straw and blue types), a meat + cheese stick, and a protein drink. I also ate a fiber bar, which my colleagues probably don't love as it causes me to be horrifically gassy. Silently. I will never own up to it. But they've gotta know it's me.

Today's weigh-in as it's relevant for continued ramblings:

So, I've got about 10 pounds to lose before the end of the year. There are 12 weeks until the end of the year. Which means I need to lose about 1 pound a week. We shall see. That doesn't sound hard, but add holidays in there and IT'S GOING TO BE VERY HARD.

And because the internet is always listening, I have a plan for toe touching goals. Stay tuned. 

Tonight's toothbrush photos for entertainment whilst you anxiously await my potential future posts:

Goals and Shit

Because I'm really good at consistency, here I am almost a year later, but whatever. Also, because I'm a real journaler, I'm going to write down some goals and we'll see what happens

• By Dec 31, 2024, I want my BMI to be <35 (a.k.a. just obese; a.k.a. no longer morbidly obese, a.k.a. a tiny step closer to being in onederland)
• For my height, this means I need to weigh in at <237 pounds. Which means I need to stop self sabotaging. Which also means I need to stop eating absolute trash while on call. Which also means I need to pack food. I hate packing food. Like probably on my top 10 list of things I loathe type of deal.
• From now until the end of the year, I'd like to get 10k steps a day. I'm currently on day 113 of a streak of 10k steps a day, so I can do this
• I'd like my Garmin to think I'm actually 37 by my fitness age (it currently says I'm 39 - rude. But also, I started at 44, soooo...). To do this, I need to be consistent with my higher intensity work outs
• I'd like to be able to touch my toes without stretching first. I've still go to think about how to do this

Per my calculations/google search, there are 85 days until the end of the year. So, I'm going to have to think about how I'm going to work on the ability to touch my toes and then crack down on my eating and up my exercise intensity. I know I can do this because I've literally done it before.

Weight photos tomorrow because that is the shit part of the 'Goals and Shit' my title refers to. Here are some recent-ish photos so you will be tempted to return.

Breckenridge trip

Undergrad pal reunion

Field trip photo

Field trip photo with a Mom friend

Halloween nails

 

Getting back on the wagon

Hi adoring fans! My life has been a bit of a dumpster fire for the last few months and I'm sure I'll share with you once I've processed it all, but I have been using food as a crutch to make it through. But, we're heading to Disney/Florida in 67 days and I'd like to drop 10-20 pounds by that time. How shall I do this, you ask? Well, I have a plan...ish. That's why I needed to blog - so I could get my thoughts on [internet] paper.

So, here goes nothing. My plan for this week:

1. This next week is a detox(ish) week. I'm going to work on upping my water intake. I've started to drink Diet Coke several times a week at work (they got rid of water bottles to "save the environment"), so it's been harder to drink water easily, so it's back to just water for the week
2. I will continue my detox by not having any candy/dessert/sweets. I need to wean myself off all the sugary stuff because it's my nemesis. This means no Halloween candy. I know this is extreme, but if I have one, I will have 50. I wish i were kidding, but I'm not.
3. Exercise of some sort every day this week. I'm not on call again until Saturday, so I should be able to make this work. It may be something as simple as going for a walk with the kiddos
4. Intermittent fasting. For me, this will just mean nothing to eat from dinner the one night until lunch the next day. And I have a plan for lunch each day to help myself from overeating, which is what I'm wont to do when I've been fasting.

After my detox week, I'd like to try getting back on Saxenda. It's apparently available absolutely nowhere, but I have a few pens in the fridge still, so I'm hoping that will help jump start things again. I'm also going to give myself a week or two and then track calories again. Calorie counting is a real chore, but I'm hoping it'll pay off. Tracking really helps hold me accountable. 

I'll do a weigh in on Wednesday for alliteration purposes, obviously. 

Here we go! Here are some photos to keep you coming back for more!

Consistency, wherefore art thou, consistency?

Doing this whole weight loss thing again is hard. I think it's even harder this time around because I am judging myself so much harder. I remember when I first started this whole thing back in 2010/2011 and I celebrated being able to run a mile nonstop. I was so excited. Like literally beaming with pride for myself. It didn't matter that it took over 12 minutes, I was pumped. But, now even though I probably couldn't run a mile nonstop, I cringe at the fact that I celebrated that. Like, I should be able to run a mile. Can't most healthyish folks run a mile? See? I'm even judging younger me. But what I should be doing is setting goals and working towards them and celebrating my achievements along the way rather than shaming myself for not being able to do them in the first place. So, why am I not doing that? I don't know. Ask my brain. It's the one running this shit show.

Today I had an impromptu day at home. I was supposed to be in the office, but Reyah became Pukey McPukerson, so I stayed home with her and had a tiny bit of time to organize my thoughts, my refrigerator, and goals. First, I ordered foods that I know I've enjoyed in the past to make sure I've got the things on hand that I like. Because I couldn't venture out, I did my first Walmart+ delivery and it was pretty legit. I prefer to pick out my produce, but the shopper did just fine, so maybe that's a good way to get some time back during the week. Next, I contemplated what my next goal should be. As the weather gets warmer, I'd like to bust out my roller blades again. I'm so not good, but I would love to get better. I'd also like to be more consistent with my weight lifting. I love, love, love lifting weights and building muscle, but it took me 6 months to work up the courage to do it again. And I was pretty proud of myself for doing it. Last goal is to talk about this more. I think one of the reasons I've been successful in the past is because I made it a priority and talked to a lot of folks about what I was doing. This time I feel like I'm hiding in shame because a) I'm embarrassed that I'm doing this again but b) because if I'm not always on the forward progress train, it feels like a failure. Also, I really need to loop in Nasur, which is a bit of mindfuck for me. By telling him what I'm doing and working really hard at it, he has a front row seat to my binges, failures, faults, etc. He has only judged me once (one time, when pregnant, he asked me if I was planning to eat a whole bag of some type of chip/pretzel/etc because I kept closing it and then going back for more, but we were in the car, he was driving, and constant snacking was the only thing that kept my super not awesome first trimester nausea at bay) and obviously I still remember it. So, I'm scared that he will be judging me/ashamed of me too, if that makes sense.

Last goal: Writing in this damn thing again. Even if it's only a sentence because it does hold me accountable. It's hard to do it on the regular with my garbage schedule, what with call ruining the 24 hour that I'm on call and the 24 hours after, but I have got to stop using that as an excuse and adapt to the trash that is my work schedule.

Anywho, cheers! Here's a weigh-in so we can all judge me together!

Well, fuck

Day 303/365: Making some goals for November

Okay, so since tomorrow is the start of a new month, I'd be amiss to not take this as an opportunity to set some new goals. Last month, I was really on the wagon for some bits. This month, I'd like to be on the wagon for all the bits. My biggest challenge is going to be being on the calorie counting wagon. 

In terms of counting calories, I've always been really successful when using my food scale. So, I'm going to take one to work and leave one at home. I'm also going to be packing my food as much as possible. This month, I'm working in the hospital, which, contrary to popular belief, allows me a lot of opportunities to eat unhealthy stuff. So, packing will really help with this. Also, it will help me limit my desserts this month. I'd like to say no dessert at all, but that just makes me depressed. So I plan on having dessert on Thanksgiving (or whenever we are able to celebrate it since I'll be working), Interview Day, and once or twice on vacation next week.

My other big challenge will be hitting the gym more consistently. Now that I'll be back at the hospital, I'll be out of work between 5 and 5:30 every night. This is a pretty traffic-heavy time of day. Rather than hit the road to sit in traffic, I'm going to take it as an opportunity to hit the gym and then avoid traffic on my way home. I'm also going to try to be consistent with some kind of exercise when I'm on vacation next week. I tend to take a complete break on vacation. I veg out completely and eat anything in front of my face. This is going to be a healthy-ish vacation. 

In terms of weight, I'd like to lose about 10 pounds this month to get myself some momentum to end the year on a high note. 

Also, photos. I'm going to try my best to remember to snap photos of what I'm eating.

That's all! Toodly loo.

Day 293/365: Working Woman

In my last post, I mentioned that I tend to fall off the wagon as the week goes on. This week, it was only a little bit true. Thursday I went to work and had kind of a rough day. The attending I was working with seemed to be having a rougher day than I was and that doctor took it out on me. I don't really know how to deal with super unconstructive criticism and usually just internalize it, but I talked to my mom on the way home and opted to increase my gym time to work out my frustration and cuss out that attending in my head while ellipticalling. Friday, I took things easier. I worked in the morning then came home and vegged out while watching Project Runway and waiting for Nasur to come home so we could go apple picking

A while ago, I was told about a really good cider mill/apple orchard and wanted to check it out. I was told their donuts were the bomb.com and that their produce was pretty legit. So, we decided to give it a whirl. Plus, it was a beautiful day! The orchard had TONS of apples and all different kinds, so we munched on a few until we found some we like. Then, while we driving back up to the front to pay, we saw they had some tomatoes. My tomato plants finished a while ago, so I had to get some fresh ones. Mmm, I love tomatoes! We also had to get some cider and donuts, obviously.

Nasur by some apple trees 

Apple picking selfie

When we got home, Nasur wanted to do some cleaning. Once a week, he goes certifiably insane and likes to do a deep clean of our condo/apartment. I usually help for about 30 minutes and then play on facebook. He says I do all the cleaning wrong, and I'm not overly motivated to do it the "right" way, so he does all the work. We headed out to get some Chinese for dinner and then came home to watch some Netflix.

Saturday I worked 24 hours at the hospital and it was pretty crazy, per usual. I went home to sleep Sunday morning/afternoon and now I'm back at the hospital to work again. I'm off around 6:30 and don't have to report to the office until 1pm. I'm planning to hit up the gym after work and then shower and relax/nap before heading in if I'm able to sleep. I'm kind of at the mercy of the nurses. If they call a lot and I don't get good sleep, I'll just head home to sleep. If the floor is quiet and they don't need me, I can probably finagle a gym trip in the AM. We'll see what the night brings.

My goals for this week are to adhere a bit better to my calorie ranges. I'm getting back into the groove of hitting the gym so now I've got to focus a bit more on my eating. I'm planning to tote my food scale around with my this week to help me do that. Wish me luck!

Day 181/365: Happy New Year!

As some of you may know, the New Year in medicine starts on July 1. This is the day that, nationally, we unleash all the brand new doctors on the unsuspecting public. So, hold your loved ones near and don't let them go to the hospital ;-) Juuust kidding - it's not quite that bad. But it is the month with the highest amount of medical errors because we've got new doctors we've got to train.

For me, this "New Year" marks the beginning of my third year of my OB/GYN residency. Supposedly, this also marks the beginning of the best year of residency. You're a senior resident without the responsibility of being a chief, your call requirements drop dramatically, and you're off service a lot (read: avoiding the drama that is working in a hospital with the same people day in and day out). So, I'm hoping today can also mark the day that I finally get my shit together, health-wise.

At the beginning of the real New Year, I set lofty goals for myself and then missed them all. I made excuses for myself, was quite literally too exhausted to hit the gym, and ate what was easy to find instead of wasting time trying to be healthy. I can't do that anymore. I've got a few years left until Nasur and I would like to start a family and I've seen what being overweight in a pregnancy does for your health. I've also seen what being overweight can do to you in general and I don't need to do that to myself.

Additionally, being my weight and size has made me lose a lot of confidence in myself. When people want to do something new, I tend to analyze it in terms of my weight. For example, recently, some friends wanted to go play laser tag. My concern was that I wouldn't fit in the jacket, so I opted out, stating that I was too tired. To be fair, I was tired, but I was mostly nervous that there wouldn't be jackets large enough to accommodate me. I also want to start running again, just to feel strong and fit, but I worry about what people will think when they see someone my size attempting to run at the gym, so I just don't. It's stupid, I know, but that's how I feel. So, it's time to try to get some of that confidence back. So, here are some of my plans to help myself get healthier.

Goals to a healthier third-year Danika:

1. I will eat meals at the table and only be eating - not doing work, not watching TV; just eating so I can focus on that (read: no more senseless munching while sitting on the couch)
2. I will start going to the gym 3-4 times a week and attempt to be more active at home
3. I will stop eating after 8 pm (unless working a 24 hour shift)
4. I will stop eating the hospital cookies - they're good, but they're not that good
5. I will take the time to be healthier
6. I will tell other people about my goals to help myself be a better me

I will try my best to blog and take pictures of my food without being too self conscious about it. I need to re-adapt my everyone-can-fuck-off-I-gotta-do-me attitude.

In other news, here's my weight today. And some other random phone pictures to show you I still have a life(ish).

Today's weight

A cat we're babysitting that looks EXACTLY like Bailey

Nasur and I at sunset near our apartment

The pool where I intend to spend a lot of time this summer

Nasur and I in Florida

Turtle in Florida

After work one day

Nasur and I at Muir Woods with some Redwoods

Muir Beach with our pals Mark and Danny, who now live in California

San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge

Sara and I at a "conference"