Day 181/365: Happy New Year!

As some of you may know, the New Year in medicine starts on July 1. This is the day that, nationally, we unleash all the brand new doctors on the unsuspecting public. So, hold your loved ones near and don't let them go to the hospital ;-) Juuust kidding - it's not quite that bad. But it is the month with the highest amount of medical errors because we've got new doctors we've got to train.

For me, this "New Year" marks the beginning of my third year of my OB/GYN residency. Supposedly, this also marks the beginning of the best year of residency. You're a senior resident without the responsibility of being a chief, your call requirements drop dramatically, and you're off service a lot (read: avoiding the drama that is working in a hospital with the same people day in and day out). So, I'm hoping today can also mark the day that I finally get my shit together, health-wise.

At the beginning of the real New Year, I set lofty goals for myself and then missed them all. I made excuses for myself, was quite literally too exhausted to hit the gym, and ate what was easy to find instead of wasting time trying to be healthy. I can't do that anymore. I've got a few years left until Nasur and I would like to start a family and I've seen what being overweight in a pregnancy does for your health. I've also seen what being overweight can do to you in general and I don't need to do that to myself.

Additionally, being my weight and size has made me lose a lot of confidence in myself. When people want to do something new, I tend to analyze it in terms of my weight. For example, recently, some friends wanted to go play laser tag. My concern was that I wouldn't fit in the jacket, so I opted out, stating that I was too tired. To be fair, I was tired, but I was mostly nervous that there wouldn't be jackets large enough to accommodate me. I also want to start running again, just to feel strong and fit, but I worry about what people will think when they see someone my size attempting to run at the gym, so I just don't. It's stupid, I know, but that's how I feel. So, it's time to try to get some of that confidence back. So, here are some of my plans to help myself get healthier.

Goals to a healthier third-year Danika:

1. I will eat meals at the table and only be eating - not doing work, not watching TV; just eating so I can focus on that (read: no more senseless munching while sitting on the couch)
2. I will start going to the gym 3-4 times a week and attempt to be more active at home
3. I will stop eating after 8 pm (unless working a 24 hour shift)
4. I will stop eating the hospital cookies - they're good, but they're not that good
5. I will take the time to be healthier
6. I will tell other people about my goals to help myself be a better me

I will try my best to blog and take pictures of my food without being too self conscious about it. I need to re-adapt my everyone-can-fuck-off-I-gotta-do-me attitude.

In other news, here's my weight today. And some other random phone pictures to show you I still have a life(ish).

Today's weight

A cat we're babysitting that looks EXACTLY like Bailey

Nasur and I at sunset near our apartment

The pool where I intend to spend a lot of time this summer

Nasur and I in Florida

Turtle in Florida

After work one day

Nasur and I at Muir Woods with some Redwoods

Muir Beach with our pals Mark and Danny, who now live in California

San Francisco's Golden Gate Bridge

Sara and I at a "conference"

Day 3/365: Freight trains

Today was the first day everyone was officially back from holiday break. Every year, we do what we call the holiday schedule where everyone gets either 5 days off for Christmas or 5 days off for New Year's Eve. Since I'm no longer an intern, the holiday schedule just means more time at work for me rather than more work. The interns have the hardest job and I simply went to clinic, did some surgery, or did some C-sections. And I saw a few random consults. Now that everyone's back, we're back to a normal schedule, which is starting around 6:30 a.m. and ending around 5:30 p.m. During the holiday schedule, it's usually 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. with an occasional 24 hour shift thrown in there. But despite today technically being a shorter day, it was a real doozy. 

The person doing the scheduling put 5 residents on the obstetrics service this month, me included. We've got a few folks from other services and a smattering of medical students, but there is a core of 5. On Tuesday afternoons, 4 of them leave (me excluded), and then all the work that was previously divided into 5 is left just for me. So, that was sucktastic. Tuesday afternoons and Friday mornings are going to be just lovely for me this month. Long story short, I was working my butt off.

After work, Nasur picked me up. One of headlights was out, so he had the fun job of taking me to work, getting the car fixed, and picking me up from work. We hit up the gym after work and it was crowded. It took a bit to find a parking spot. Before the New Year, parking was no problemo. I was all pissy in the parking lot about it, worrying that my favorite ellipticals would be taken, but alas, they were not! Phew!

We worked out and then came home. Nasur made dinner tonight - roasted chicken with potatoes and asparagus. I sent him the link for the recipe and he let me study while he prepped and roasted. I'm a bit spoiled in the husband department.

Dinner

The chef was a bit camera shy

After dinner, I immediately had to poop, so I grabbed by computer and figured I'd bloop. So, here we are. 

I didn't have a whole lot of time to read anything particularly useful, but shortly before dinner, a family friend emailed me to say she's reading my blog and is enjoying it. I didn't know she was a reader, but I appreciated the time she took to send me an email. One of the things that struck me was this, "It is amazing to me too when I discover people who I think really have it all together who confess they have some self-love issues." 

First of all, I rarely think I have my life together - that's one of the reasons facebook and I broke up - because I thought everyone else had their life together. Hell, I turn 30 in a few short months and I'm still not done with my education; kids are a mere thought for the future; and owning a home just isn't plausible because I have no idea where I want to practice. Everyone else my age has that shit down.

Second, self-love issues could be my middle name (that'd be fucking weird though, eh?). And I'm working to get better on that. As I once read in a self help book, "No one can stop a freight train of fuck yeah."

Yes, I shall leave you with that quote. Can't really top it. 

My motivational sweatshirt

Day 1/365: The Year I Rock Out

Today was the first day of 2017, a.k.a. the year I rock out, a.k.a. the year I pay off my credit card debt, a.k.a. the year I study consistently, a.k.a. the year I lose the fucking weight, a.k.a. the year that's gonna kick butt. 

I started the year watching the ball drop with the nurses, writing some progress notes and getting some interrupted sleep. My husband also came to work so we could ring in the new year together. He's the best. 

Labor and delivery

Husband and me

After I got home, I slept, weighed in, and then did my couponing online while eating a quick meal before hitting the gym.

Oof.

My BMI is 38.9 and fat % is 42.0

Quick breakfast

The gym oddly wasn't very crowded despite the new year

Then, two dear friends of ours came to hang out/grab a meal to celebrate the new year together. I showered and got ready as fast as I could and timed it to their arrival pretty well. We sat and chatted and then hit up Twisted Rooster, a local restaurant featuring locally-sourced foods. It was delicious and I completely forgot about snapping pictures. Grr. We came home and played some Phase 10 and then parted ways when Nasur had to work. While Nasur was at work, I went to the grocery store.

While at the grocery store, I tried to stock up on some really healthy stuff. I've been reading a lot about how to do this the right way without hating life and one of the articles I read was about quitting sugar. In short, the recommended amount of added sugar (like not from fresh fruits) is 25g. So, when I was looking at protein bars and yogurts, there were a lot of options that I just had to put back. A majority of yogurts have more than 25g of sugar in their one serving. Crazy pants. 

One of the other things I was also looking for was a healthy salad dressing. I'm a pretty big proponent of creamy dressings, which are pretty much super delicious the least healthy kind of dressing. I bought a yogurt-based Ranch dressing that I've had before that's pretty low on the calorie front. 

I also searched for a healthy-ish bread. I like my breads pretty crusty and am not so into soft breads. I picked up some flat bread sandwich things and anticipate making some paninis with them. 

When I got home, I cleaned out the fridge and cut up my produce and washed everything so it's easier to grab. There is definitely an inverse relationship between prep time and the likelihood that I'm going to eat whatever that thing is. I also tried to use the rule of seeing things - all the carbs are at the bottom of the fridge (I refrigerate my bread despite reading an article telling me that was a big no, no) and the fresh fruits and veggies are in the front and near the top. 

That's about it for me for today. I'm trying this thing where I set a 20 minute limit on blogging so that it seems like an easier thing to do - cuz really, I can spare 20 minutes a day, so I'm off! 

Today's selfie

I'll be weighing in on Monday next week (I just wanted to be able to start the year with a weigh-in) and I'm setting my goal as a lofty one - 3 pounds!