Goals and Shit

Because I'm really good at consistency, here I am almost a year later, but whatever. Also, because I'm a real journaler, I'm going to write down some goals and we'll see what happens

• By Dec 31, 2024, I want my BMI to be <35 (a.k.a. just obese; a.k.a. no longer morbidly obese, a.k.a. a tiny step closer to being in onederland)
• For my height, this means I need to weigh in at <237 pounds. Which means I need to stop self sabotaging. Which also means I need to stop eating absolute trash while on call. Which also means I need to pack food. I hate packing food. Like probably on my top 10 list of things I loathe type of deal.
• From now until the end of the year, I'd like to get 10k steps a day. I'm currently on day 113 of a streak of 10k steps a day, so I can do this
• I'd like my Garmin to think I'm actually 37 by my fitness age (it currently says I'm 39 - rude. But also, I started at 44, soooo...). To do this, I need to be consistent with my higher intensity work outs
• I'd like to be able to touch my toes without stretching first. I've still go to think about how to do this

Per my calculations/google search, there are 85 days until the end of the year. So, I'm going to have to think about how I'm going to work on the ability to touch my toes and then crack down on my eating and up my exercise intensity. I know I can do this because I've literally done it before.

Weight photos tomorrow because that is the shit part of the 'Goals and Shit' my title refers to. Here are some recent-ish photos so you will be tempted to return.

Breckenridge trip

Undergrad pal reunion

Field trip photo

Field trip photo with a Mom friend

Halloween nails

 

Fear of failure and a weigh-in

Upon embarking on this weight loss journey [again], I realized I needed to fit in exercise somewhere. Keeping moving is one thing, but upping my strength and my cardiovascular fitness is another. However, I am irrationally getting worried about going back to the gym. With COVID, we canceled our gym memberships. This wasn't a huge deal as I decided I'd just work out on our elliptical in the basement. However, that flared up my knee and then I stopped doing that altogether. I did a few elliptical workouts here and there once my knee felt better, but I haven't been consistent. So, now I want to work on consistency. Enter Mom guilt. 

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out when would be a good time to exercise. I used to do it right after work because once I'm home, it takes a lot of effort to go out again. But, if I go right after work, it takes even more time away from my time with the kids. And working as much as I do, I didn't want to sacrifice more time. So, then I figured I could exercise after the kids were in bed. But, exercising at 8/8:30 doesn't exactly appeal to me. So, what about exercise before the kids wake up? Hard pass. I already feel like I don't get enough sleep, so sacrificing some for exercise? Never going to happen. So, I've changed my work hours. Normally, I'm in the office from 9-4. However, In about 3 weeks, I'm changing my hours to 8-3. This will allow me to use the time from 3-4 to go to the gym and be consistent about it. That being said, I'm still scared to go.

One of the things I have a hard time with is fear of failure/not feeling perfect. When I head back to the gym, I'll be starting from zero. This will be depressing. For several reasons: 

1. I used to be fit and now I'm not
2. Exercising in front of fit people is embarrassing
3. There aren't a ton of machines where I go to the gym and I feel unworthy of using machines when other fit folks are around - it's like I think they deserve it more

I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to tackle that one. I think it'll help that I'm not at the gym during peak hours (before or after traditional work hours) and I think it'll help that I already know how to use most machines. It'll just be hard to remember that no one else is thinking about me as much as I am.

Any thoughts on how to feel more confident once I start heading back to the gym?

Food photos:

Breakfast

Other part of breakfast

Turkey meximelts for lunch: turkey meat, pico, cheese, and low carb tortilla

Watermelon with lunch

Homemade chicken pad thai for dinner

Aaaaand, this week's weigh-in!

Four pounds down from last week!