Bummer

Today was our get shit done day. And let me tell you, getting shit done is actually not one of my favorite things. I'm hella skilled in procrastinating and am nearly an expert at it. Anywho, we started the day with going to the DMV. Reyah was the cutest thing about the DMV. 

We got our license plates and our cars registered. In Colorado, they require two license plates - one in the front and the back. This is not ideal as I'm told that it allows you to be pulled over and/or ticketed easier. As I have inherited my grandmother's lead foot, I have a feeling this will be a very expensive state for me. 

Anywho, once we got home, we had some lunch, did some things around the house and decided we should start our search for a new day care. Gah. I forgot how not fun it is to search for day cares. Some places said they had over a year's waitlist. Boo corporate daycare. That being said, I hesitate to do in-home day care because what happens if that person gets sick or needs a vacation. So while I stressed over this, the nugget decided she needed a nap. And Nasur decided he did too. So I stressed over this and then I stress ate. I had three slices of cheese, several spoonfuls of cookie butter and maybe 4-5 peanut butter filled pretzels. Not great. 

And to top it off, my weigh-in this morning sucked and I hate failing. I'm annoyed because I gained 0.4 pounds.

Now I realize that's not a lot of weight, but that's the wrong way. I'm currently on my period, so maybe it's the fluid retention; I drank a bunch of water when I woke up; I didn't weigh in right after Reyah breastfed in the morning - I have a bunch of reasons why I think it may have been off. But I'm annoyed. I logged my calories every single day last week. And this past weekend, I took a break from logging and indulged a bit, but I didn't go overboard (which I tend to do when I let myself relax). So, yeah, I'm annoyed. I'll get back at it again tomorrow, but boo.

Tomorrow we have plans to do some day care tours, to finish up some small house things, and to put my license plates on.

Breakfast

Lunch

Blueberries while waiting for lunch

HelloFresh dinner

Nugget hamming it up at the DMV

Sleeping instead of crying

I'm so ridiculously overwhelmed. I didn't get nearly enough done this weekend and I'm not sure how I'm going to get everything done next week. Soo, that's fun. Also, I have shin splints now so I'm going to be doing some ellipticaling this week. Also, fun. And I just want to cry. But instead, I shall post pictures and go to bed. That seems like it'll be more productive...ish.

Met my 3 pound goal early

Lunch: fish taco and grapes

Dinner: artichoke ravioli

Unnecessary stress

I put a lot of unnecessary stress on myself. I mean, I'm sure everyone does. But I feel as though I'm almost setting myself up for undue stress. For example, why not just let myself have one dessert? Like today I have had this ridiculous craving for frosting. Like I literally just want to go buy a can of frosting and eat it. And I know that there will be some kind of awesome dessert in my future this week and I won't be able to eat it because I stupidly gave up desserts for the semester. Emphasis on stupidly.

Second, I'm all "I want to lose 20 pounds in two months." Yeah, stupid. Well, if not stupid, then at least stressful. If I have one bad day food-wise or don't make it to the gym, instead of just saying to myself, "Eh. No big deal. One day won't ruin everything," I'm all, "May as well just eat lard." Soo, yeah. There's that.

Third, I'm "dating" a guy who is literally half-way around the world. We talked for the first time today since Monday. And you know what? The conversation was still mediocre at best. I'm pretty sure he's losing interest and really, who can blame him? I'm not exactly at the same interest level that I was at the beginning, but gah. More rejection? Not excited for that.

Fourth, I'm in medical school. I really don't know what else you could do to yourself to have constant levels of high stress. Nor do I know what you could do to yourself to have constant feelings of guilt. You feel guilty for not having the time to talk to your friends. You feel guilty for taking a break to watch a TV show instead of studying (or talking to the friends who so, so deserve a moment of your time). You feel guilty for not studying harder or studying more. You feel guilty for literally inhaling your food so you can get back to work. So much stress and so much guilt.

Fifth, I've got a cat who I literally go days without touching. I get home from school and I'm like "Gotta make lunch for tomorrow, Bailey. I'd pet you but then I'd have to wash my hands and I'm not really feeling getting your hair all over myself." And then he'll meow and I'm all, "I'll change your litter tomorrow...maybe..."

So, yeah. I make things a bit hard for myself. I wonder if I'm just convinced that I don't deserve to be happy. I mean, I could have gone out with friends last night, but I just wanted to get my hair cut, do some grocery shopping, and video chat at home. Tonight I could have gone out, but I didn't do much work yesterday, so I needed to stay in. Why can't I figure out that happy balance?

Sigh. Sorry to get all emo. I'm just struggling. Per usual. Damn you, medical school. Seriously. Life was so much easier when I just worked 8-5.

Annnnnd, food pictures:

Fish taco for lunch

Sorry - artificial light is gross looking. BBQ chicken and veggies for dinner

Better ending to an anxious day

Would you look at all this blogging I'm doing? Before I know it, internet besties, I'm going to win some blogging award in addition to an award for being the best medical student. Ha. Right. I kid, I kid.


Today started out so, so stressful. How stressful? Stressful to the max. Think of the most stressed you've ever been. Multiply that by 10. Add a sense of impending doom and that's what I woke up to this morning. It's also what I fell asleep to last night...err, this morning...? Whatever. It was a rough start to the day. But, it's ending much better despite the fact that I'm still at school.


What made it end better, asks you/my internet bestie. Well, first of all, I got in a pretty legit work out. I did a little over a mile (as per the June Challenge rules) and I did it a tad faster than last week. Why? Because when I started running today it didn't seem fast enough. I know, I know: who am I!? Right after my run, I headed to yoga where we did a shit ton (a scientific unit that you may be familiar with) of lunges. We also did some forward bends, which are exactly like they sound. You bend forward and try to touch your toes. Well, internet bestie, I can finally touch the ground rather than struggling to reach my toes. What up, flexibility!? I mean, there were definitely still some poses I struggled with, but my planks are getting better and my hamstrings are getting ridiculously stretched. However, the pyramids today killed me - my hamstrings can't stretch that much after sitting on my ass all day.

Forward bend: Source

Pyramid pose: Source

Anywho, I'm off to memorize more drugs. I'm trying to decide when I'm going to hit the gym tomorrow. I think I may just do it first thing in the morning so I can spend all day at school: what fun!