Second, I'm all "I want to lose 20 pounds in two months." Yeah, stupid. Well, if not stupid, then at least stressful. If I have one bad day food-wise or don't make it to the gym, instead of just saying to myself, "Eh. No big deal. One day won't ruin everything," I'm all, "May as well just eat lard." Soo, yeah. There's that.
Third, I'm "dating" a guy who is literally half-way around the world. We talked for the first time today since Monday. And you know what? The conversation was still mediocre at best. I'm pretty sure he's losing interest and really, who can blame him? I'm not exactly at the same interest level that I was at the beginning, but gah. More rejection? Not excited for that.
Fourth, I'm in medical school. I really don't know what else you could do to yourself to have constant levels of high stress. Nor do I know what you could do to yourself to have constant feelings of guilt. You feel guilty for not having the time to talk to your friends. You feel guilty for taking a break to watch a TV show instead of studying (or talking to the friends who so, so deserve a moment of your time). You feel guilty for not studying harder or studying more. You feel guilty for literally inhaling your food so you can get back to work. So much stress and so much guilt.
Fifth, I've got a cat who I literally go days without touching. I get home from school and I'm like "Gotta make lunch for tomorrow, Bailey. I'd pet you but then I'd have to wash my hands and I'm not really feeling getting your hair all over myself." And then he'll meow and I'm all, "I'll change your litter tomorrow...maybe..."
So, yeah. I make things a bit hard for myself. I wonder if I'm just convinced that I don't deserve to be happy. I mean, I could have gone out with friends last night, but I just wanted to get my hair cut, do some grocery shopping, and video chat at home. Tonight I could have gone out, but I didn't do much work yesterday, so I needed to stay in. Why can't I figure out that happy balance?
Sigh. Sorry to get all emo. I'm just struggling. Per usual. Damn you, medical school. Seriously. Life was so much easier when I just worked 8-5.
Annnnnd, food pictures:
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| Fish taco for lunch |
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| Sorry - artificial light is gross looking. BBQ chicken and veggies for dinner |
Just keep working at it. No one in med school likes to talk about the work/[study]/life/friends balance because everyone thinks everyone else is doing just fine with it. We look like we have it all together/figured out on the outside but inside a lot of us (if not all of us) are quietly freaking out about all the same things. Your friends will wait because they know you're in med school. Some friendships will fade, but others will become stronger (these are the people you know will be there for the long haul). Working out AND studying doesn't get easier in 3rd year. Sometimes it's a matter of counting that you walked all over the hospital in the course of the day/night and going for the sausage and hashbrowns in the morning instead of whatever sugary pastry the hospital caf has.
ReplyDeleteI guess the point is that there will always be something to stress about, or something to feel guilty about. But you'll work through it. And when you keep your sanity by talking to friends or just taking some down time to hang with your pet, that's doing what is best for YOU. And if you don't take time for yourself, it's much easier to get burnt out. If you think going out will stress you out more than staying in or running errands, then do that. Listen to what your body tells you. Med school friends should not fault you for this (because admittedly we all need some decompression time).
Sorry for such a long comment. The workload of med school can feel so different from everyone else's day job, and it's hard not to feel jealous or sad sometimes when they can go out, play video games, or just watch TV without feeling like they should be studying. This part doesn't get easier workload-wise until later, but the guilt part can get better earlier. Just keep moving through it. You made it this far already; you can get through the rest!