Day four of my one week challenge

Today was an awesome day four of my one week challenge. I got out of work early enough to get a nap in and hit the gym before the after work/5pm rush and do my strength training without having to wait for any machines or weights. Baller. I also got some reading in and practiced some knot tying. I'm teaching some third years how to suture and tie knots tomorrow, so I needed to brush up a bit on my own. I also made a decent dinner and set up my food for tomorrow. 

The biggest thing that I'm doing this challenge that I've been having a hard time doing is good food planning: I've been packing food and I've been having legit dinners rather than just munching on food when I get home from work. I'm going to have to keep myself motivated and keep that going because it's definitely helped in the calorie department!

Also, I finally applied to all my residencies today. Yesterday the site crashed and so they took the site down until today and reopened it at 9 am. Thanks to getting out of work early, I was able to come home and review everything at a leisurely pace and then called it good and paid a buttload of money to have people consider me for their program. Hopefully some good comes of that!

And here are today's photos!

Breakfast (with baby bananas!)

Packed snacks

Pre-gym fuel

Post-gym snack

Post-gym protein

Another post-gym snack

Pre-dinner snack

Dinner

This takes forever to cook, so normally I don't have the patience to wait

Dinner

Practicing tying

Today's positive: Lisa's rocking out on her version of the one week challenge - check out her blog to see for yourself! Also, productivity for me! Hooray!

Radiolozzzzzz

Well, I suppose today could have been worse. It was my first day of my radiology rotation and I was beyond bored. I guess that I should have expected that, but the doctor I was with never even introduced himself to me. He didn't really talk to me for the first hour I was there and then he sent me to lunch at 11 and sent me home shortly after 1. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to learn if you refuse to teach, but he recommend I spend a few hours reading a radiology textbook that was among the few that had been recommended to me. I just spent about 15 minutes reading about radiology and decided to blog because I'm exhausted and that book is putting me to sleep.

Given that I didn't pack a lunch (and never got a tour), I ran home for lunch because surprise! The hospital is redoing their cafeteria and thus no longer has one. They have a few other options, but I figured I'd just go home given that the radiologist told me to take my time. When I got sent home to read, I went to see one of my letter writers and then checked the library. Coincidentally, I owned the book, so I went home to read there.

When I got home, I spent some time in the bathroom (my stomach was being weird) and then motivated myself to go to the gym despite really just wanting to take a nap (spending all morning in a dark room with nothing to do really puts you to sleep!). I got to the gym and decided to do weights because my ankle was really bothering me. This could be because I opted out of wearing my brace most of the weekend. The doctor that gave it to me said to wear it 2-3 weeks or until the pain was gone. And I wasn't that painful, just a little uncomfortable, so I figured why bother with the stupid brace? But now I'm painful and paying for it. But today marks my second week anniversary of spraining it, so only two weeks until I can get back to Zumba (I hope). I promise to wear the stupid thing all day everyday (except showers) from this point onward because I need to Zumba again.

Anywho, I didn't stay at the gym long because my ankle was really bothering me and because all the machines I could do were taken. I cut the workout short at about 40 minutes and called it good. I headed to meijer to pick up a few things (cat litter, watermelons, some other fruit and stuff) and then went home where I created a taste of smoothie heaven. This weekend, my mom and I went on a road trip to Trader Joe's and Whole Foods. So, I got to use my favorite protein and frozen mango for my protein smoothie today. It was awesome. I didn't even have to use a crystal light packet to kill the nasty protein flavor.

I've done some reading and some other things I needed to do around my apartment and now I'm heading to bed so I can get a legit 9 hours in before sitting in a dark room again tomorrow.

Today's photos:

Breakfast

Lunch (sloppy joe meat from my mom)

Snack on the way back to work

YAY!

Favorite protein powder

Mango smoothie awesomeness

Dinner (again, the stomach wasn't settled)

Dessert (when the stomach was more settled)

Proof that I'm wearing the damn air cast

Today's positive: Being productive instead of napping and making myself feel good about myself.

Also, for those who sent positive thoughts and private messages, thanks for making me feel better!

Terrified, anxious, and tearful

I wasn't sure if I was going to post today because I just had a four day weekend so really I should be all: YAY! I'M SO RELAXED. LIFE IS AWESOME. But really I'm all: I'm terrified and anxious and want to cry all the time.

So the big test (USMLE Step 2) was Thursday and it was hard. So, so hard. But, they're never easy, so that's to be expected. There was one question where I hadn't even heard of the thing they were testing before. So, hopefully that was a test question (anywhere from 10-20% of the questions on these exams are questions they're testing out to see whether or not they make good test questions for upcoming exams). Mostly, it's a time issue thing. There are 8 one-hour sections with 44 questions each. The question stem is like a paragraph to three paragraphs long (with or without lab values and imaging) and there are usually A-E choices after. Sometimes, if you're lucky, there are A-N choices and you want to die. But anywho, you have to go kinda fast, which is not exactly my strong suit. But, it was over and it didn't feel awful.

The next morning (Friday), I had a Skype session with the professor who's been helping me with my personal statement. He's like a huge interview and personal statement guru and he's been a big help to me. This was our last Skype session and we were talking about the application process. He then gently reminded me that my scores from last year weren't great. In fact, I scored below the national average. But I knew that. Then he told me that if my scores this year weren't at least 20 points better, I should be considering a back up plan to Obstetrics and Gynecology. Now this wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear after taking a really hard test. I have absolutely no idea how I scored. I also neglected to take any practice tests this year because last year all they did was destroy my confidence and make me feel like I couldn't do it. They also would make me lose 2 days of study time on average due to the time commitment to take them and then the following freak out session. And I told myself I wasn't going to do that to myself this year - I didn't need to lose the study time and I didn't need the anxiety. Well, that also means I have literally no idea where my scores might even fall. Last year, my score was about 15 points better than my last practice test. And this year, since I didn't take a practice test, I don't have a range that I can assume I'm going to fall in. In fact, I don't even know if I would have passed a practice exam. So now I'm 100% freaking out. I'm terrified that I might not have passed (but in moments of mental clarity, I can reassure myself that I didn't fail) and I'm also terrified that I didn't score very high. And that might mean some scrambling to make sure I have a residency next year. Yikes.

So, I'm struggling right now. I won't get my scores for a month and I know that it's not healthy for me to be freaking out left and right for the next month, but I don't know what else to do. I just want to be reassured that everything is okay, but no one can really do that for me. It's especially hard to fall asleep because I think about everything right before bed. Gah. It's really hard to be in medicine. We should really have to undergo some psychiatric testing because if you have a tendency to be anxious, med school is going to make it at least a million times worse. 

In other news, I really didn't take any photos (or eat healthy) this weekend. I'll get back on the band wagon tomorrow though, don't worry. I have to figure out when I'm going to hit the gym now that I have real life requirements again. I don't have to be at work until 8 everyday, but I'm not a morning person, so it might have to be a post-work type of deal. We'll see. It's hard to plan without having any idea what your schedule is going to be like. I'm going to keep a gym bag ready to go in my car with me everyday though so that I can go whenever there's an opportunity. Also, tomorrow I will likely grab my lunch at the cafeteria since the first day of every rotation is awkward and sometimes it takes a half day to get the tour to see where the fridge is.

Anyway, if you have any words of comfort or any stories about anxious times in your life, please feel free to share!

Don't Judge Me

Okay. There are a few things that I need to get off my chest. Don't judge me.

1. I really effing love this song, but the video is creeeeeepy: Rixton - Make Out
2. I use my blender bottles more for mixing up my crystal light than for protein shakes
3. I wear men's gym shoes to work out in because they're wider
4. I mute my iPod when I'm around personal trainers so that I can hear what they're telling their clients...for free
5. If I don't feel like taking a picture of packaged food, I'll just do it later or put up one that I've already taken (it's going to look the same...)
6. I talk to my cat way more than necessary and often refer to him as "Bailers Butt," "Booger Butt," or "Booger." Living with me is rough.
7. I forgot to call one of my close friends on his birthday 2.5 weeks ago and still feel bad about it, but still haven't called him to wish him a super belated birthday (and now I'm on the phone because public declarations of asshole-ness shames you into doing things)
8. I wear a strapless bra under my sports bra because, trust me, it's better for everyone this way
9. I have an unhealthy obsession with this song right now too (the video is not nearly as creepy as the first one): G.R.L. - Ugly Heart
10. I should be studying right now, but I'm not

Phew - now that I've got that off my chest, we can move on.

Today was the same as usual. I was up around 8, hit the gym, came home and studied forever. Then I had a Skype meeting with a doctor who's helping me with my personal statement. It was a good session and I'm wrapping things up with it. If you have the time or inclination, you can read it and critique it too - just leave a comment below and I'll send it your way. It's about how my sister falling out of a window is going to make me the best obstetrician/gynecologist ever. Interest piqued? I thought so.

Since my Skype meeting was during Zumba, I didn't get to go. And it was also during dinner time, which was good because my stomach was doing that awesome thing where it hated me and didn't want to let me eat much anyway. So, dinner was pretzels and yogurt. Awesome. But, hey, at least I didn't have to cook.

Photos from today:

Pre-gym fuel

Post-gym protein

Breakfast: watermelon and egg+cheese sandwich

This photos is from today

Snack

Snack

The fries were mediocre - I ate half and tossed the other half

Dessert

Dinner

Dessert

And now I've gotta go to bed. I'm going to try this new thing called "hitting snooze once instead of 6 times."

Oh, yeah! Today's positive: Being almost done with my personal statement a month before I need to be.

Santa Claus!

Today was soooo much better. Today I worked with the doctor I was supposed to be with last week, but he was on vacation. And he was great. He taught as we went along, he chatted about his undergrad at U of M (where I also did undergrad), and he explained things in patient rooms. Also, he looks like Santa Claus (Christmas in July, anyone?) and he bought me lunch. So, basically today was a perfect day. 

The only non-perfect part was that my right foot is really acting up. It was painful all day. It almost kept me from going to Zumba, but since I was out at 5:00 p.m., I really couldn't give myself an excuse. Yes, my foot hurt, but I also needed to get up and move. It wasn't too bad during the class, but I'm thinking I should really have it checked out sometime. The only thing is that I don't exactly have a doctor in the area. So I may have to head to an urgent care after work this week. Ughssss.

Anywho, today's meals were pretty decent. My food scale ran out of batteries, so I'm not tracking right now, but I'm trying to keep things about the same as last week. Breakfast was quick because I woke up late (and also the reason as to why there's no weigh-in today). Here are photos of today's meals (minus lunch, which was a turkey sandwich and sweet potato chips):

I had the whole bagel, but almost forgot about the photo

Leftover fish tacos

Today's positive: feeling awesome for going to work out and for having a great mentor.

Photos for you and starting fourth year of med school!

Hey friends. So, it's been about a month since I last posted. Things got a bit hectic and the blog was the first thing to go. First of all, I was maid of honor in a wedding, which was a long weekend of fun, but left me with only two weeks to cram for a huge exam at the end of the month. Here are some wedding pics:

Rehearsal dinner - bride's wedding party

Getting ready on the day (L to R): mother of bride, bride, college roommate/bridesmaid, me

We needed you guys to see the back

At the head table with my college roommate

The happy couple

I did pretty well on my end-of-rotation exam as well as the fake patient exam we took earlier in the month, which was 8 hours of fun the day after the bachelorette weekend.

And then my third year ended. It was weird. It essentially ended when my exam was over, which was incredibly anticlimactic. But that night I celebrated with some zumba and dinner out with some friends who were moving away for their clinical rotations the next day. I helped them move on Saturday and then my official one week summer vacation. On Monday, I helped some other friends move and went to yoga for the first time in forever. On Tuesday, some friends and I went to Michigan's Adventure. On Wednesday, I did a whole apartment deep clean and then headed home where I stayed and hung out with the dogs, my mom, and my little sister. My mom fed me and I got to hang out by the pool Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.

Michigan's Adventure's biggest roller coaster, Shivering Timbers

Bailey, our smallest pup

Mayzie, our medium pup

Doc, our largest pup (and my personal favorite/buddy)

Now, however, fourth year is starting and I have got to get my shit together. Not just in terms of school work, but in terms of my health. I know I do this every month or so, but man oh man, blogging makes a huge difference in terms of keeping me accountable. It helps me track my food, make better choices, and put my health higher up in terms of priority. So, I'd like to set some fourth year goals. 

Big fourth year goal: Lose the weight I gained in medical school/get back to 210 (or lower)

Little goals: Blog 3-4 times a week

1. Work out 3-4 times a week and keep changing it up: alternate zumba, yoga, strength, and maybe even some swimming!
2. Track, track, track! Weight, food, etc.
• Weekly weigh-ins on Mondays with a 2 pound goal per week
3. No eating out, fast food, or hospital meals - I will pack all my food so I'm more accountable and I will eat what I pack (sometimes I like to pack food and then just buy food anyway)
• When with friends, eating out is okay (just not going out by myself because I'm being lazy)
4. Write a daily positive when blogging
5. Choose to be happy and laugh rather than frown and grumble

That's it, folks. I don't want to be too strict because I know that just fucks with my head. So, there you go. Plain and simple: eat better, work out more, and blog/talk about it!

Thanks in advance for your support. I officially graduate on May 16, 2015, so I'm going to set that as my deadline for my big goal!

Also, some food porn and other photos for you (because I love you):

On his way back to the vet - he's healthier now!

SkipBo with my mom

Dining outdoors - my favorite!