Unnecessary stress

I put a lot of unnecessary stress on myself. I mean, I'm sure everyone does. But I feel as though I'm almost setting myself up for undue stress. For example, why not just let myself have one dessert? Like today I have had this ridiculous craving for frosting. Like I literally just want to go buy a can of frosting and eat it. And I know that there will be some kind of awesome dessert in my future this week and I won't be able to eat it because I stupidly gave up desserts for the semester. Emphasis on stupidly.

Second, I'm all "I want to lose 20 pounds in two months." Yeah, stupid. Well, if not stupid, then at least stressful. If I have one bad day food-wise or don't make it to the gym, instead of just saying to myself, "Eh. No big deal. One day won't ruin everything," I'm all, "May as well just eat lard." Soo, yeah. There's that.

Third, I'm "dating" a guy who is literally half-way around the world. We talked for the first time today since Monday. And you know what? The conversation was still mediocre at best. I'm pretty sure he's losing interest and really, who can blame him? I'm not exactly at the same interest level that I was at the beginning, but gah. More rejection? Not excited for that.

Fourth, I'm in medical school. I really don't know what else you could do to yourself to have constant levels of high stress. Nor do I know what you could do to yourself to have constant feelings of guilt. You feel guilty for not having the time to talk to your friends. You feel guilty for taking a break to watch a TV show instead of studying (or talking to the friends who so, so deserve a moment of your time). You feel guilty for not studying harder or studying more. You feel guilty for literally inhaling your food so you can get back to work. So much stress and so much guilt.

Fifth, I've got a cat who I literally go days without touching. I get home from school and I'm like "Gotta make lunch for tomorrow, Bailey. I'd pet you but then I'd have to wash my hands and I'm not really feeling getting your hair all over myself." And then he'll meow and I'm all, "I'll change your litter tomorrow...maybe..."

So, yeah. I make things a bit hard for myself. I wonder if I'm just convinced that I don't deserve to be happy. I mean, I could have gone out with friends last night, but I just wanted to get my hair cut, do some grocery shopping, and video chat at home. Tonight I could have gone out, but I didn't do much work yesterday, so I needed to stay in. Why can't I figure out that happy balance?

Sigh. Sorry to get all emo. I'm just struggling. Per usual. Damn you, medical school. Seriously. Life was so much easier when I just worked 8-5.

Annnnnd, food pictures:

Fish taco for lunch

Sorry - artificial light is gross looking. BBQ chicken and veggies for dinner