Evaluating your self worth

I'll do a normal post later today (most probably - I never want to promise), but I needed to say a few things now. 

Right now, I'm kinda sad. I went to a housewarming party last night and both hosts had groups of friends that came, mostly their respective work friends. And I'm not a work friend for either of the hosts. I'm a friend who met one host in middle school and the other when they first started dating. And so I didn't really fit in. Now, I'm not usually the type of person to sit back and not talk, but as the night dwindled down, we were all couples. All of us except for me. Sitting there not coupled off made me realize how out of sync I am with the rest of my friends/people my age. I am still in school; they're getting engaged. I'm moving out of my apartment in December and will likely live at home for a little while again before going to residency; they're buying houses. I'm looking at at least another 4 years of training and working 120 hour work weeks; they're working 8-5 and doing fun things together on weekends. I just kinda feel like I missed out on some memo somewhere along the way. Was I supposed to start settling down? Am I really supposed to start considering having kids already? To be honest, neither of these things are particularly high on my priority list right now, but I feel pretty lonely. And it could be because I spend my entire day alone studying as of late, but it's kind of getting to me.

And on top of that, I evaluate myself my comparing myself to others. I know, I know. You're not supposed to do that. But, please. I was raised in America. I'm in the medical field. Comparison is second nature. And when I compare myself to these people, I feel like I'm coming up short. So, I hit the gym this morning (I didn't go Friday or Saturday) and tried to give it my all. But in the back of my mind, I'm worried that maybe being overweight is holding me back from letting me meet the people I want to meet and doing the things I want to do. Maybe the reason I'm not settling down is simple - maybe it's me. So, that's kinda hard to handle. It's kinda hard to pick yourself up and remind yourself of the reasons why you're great. It's kinda hard to tell yourself that other people's evaluation of you is not what makes you. It's kinda hard to tell yourself not to compare yourself to other people. It's kinda hard to remind yourself that you're going to be okay; that you need to do things for you; that your hard work will pay off; that struggling makes you stronger. It's a lot easier to cry and eat all the food and procrastinate on studying. But then what happens? You feel worse. So, it's up to me to wipe away the tears, and do things that make me happy and make me feel good about myself. Because I'm the one who's responsible for that. No one else.