Feeling a bit better

So, I was going to apologize for my semi-Debbie Downer/Negative Nancy post this morning, but then I was thinking to myself that I shouldn't have to apologize for feeling what I'm feeling. I deserve to feel how I want and not apologize for it. So, there you go. No apology for you.

The rest of the day was less tearful than the beginning. It included grocery shopping (for the few things I couldn't get at the farmer's market, i.e., cat food and cat litter), a phone call catching up with a friend, a video chat date, a nap, and a minimal amount of studying. So, I'm actually incredibly glad that tomorrow starts a new week. I need a fresh start. I need to get up, get studying, and get out of this funk. And given that tomorrow isn't supposed to be gross and rainy/cloudy, I'll be glad to see some sun and maybe get some studying done outdoors.

On the deck for tomorrow is a meeting with another one of my letter writers and a lunch date with a friend who's headed back to Ohio tomorrow for a while. So, I've gotta be super productive. My plan is to get up, do half a question set while I hydrate and eat a small snack, head to the gym, get home, shower, read, go to lunch, do some more reading, do some questions, head to see my letter writer, go to Zumba, and come back for more ready and questions. I'll let you know how my day goes.

I'm also going to do a weigh-in tomorrow despite not eating very awesome over the weekend. But, the scale doesn't lie and it's a good way for me to monitor my progress and set a new goal for next week. 

Today's positive: Going to the gym and eating well, despite feeling teary and sad for myself. It's hardest to do nice things for ourselves when we're not feeling great, so I'm glad I was able to do that for me.

And here are all the photos on my camera since my last post:

Friday's breakfast

My farmer's market outfit cuz it's cold as eff in Michigan lately

Best. Cinnamon. Roll. Of. My. Life.

Bagel for Saturday's breakfast

Mmm. Garlic. Mmm. Sourdough. Had to have it

Turned out to be only okay - this is a mini plate, btw - I didn't eat that much bread

Part 2 of lunch (part 1 was the bread)

Saturday's breakfast

Today's post-gym fuel

Today's breakfast/lunch

My farmer's market cauliflower, which I roasted tonight

Catch you tomorrow for a weigh-in!

Food on the mind

I think about food a lot. And when I say a lot, I mean a lot. Like when I wake up in the morning, I usually press snooze, think about how quickly I'm going to have to shower to make up for those stolen minutes of sleep, and then I immediately think about what I'm going to have for breakfast. During breakfast, I think about what snacks I'm going to eat in the morning. When I'm at work, I think about when I'm going to eat my snacks. And then I get really hungry and just want to eat all of my snacks right at that moment. But, I practice some self control and space them out. That, and there are people at work that could be judging me.

As I eat my snacks, I usually think about the next thing I'm going to eat. And when I'm just sitting around, I think about food. A lot. When I drive past certain parts of the town, I think about my proximity to the awesome cookie place. Usually, I try to avoid driving near it lest my car magically steer itself to the bakery. When I'm at the gym and an ad plays for some fast food, my thoughts immediately halt and focus on that. When I'm at my mom's house, I'm usually always thinking about food because there's a drawer with tons of candy in it. And I want it all in my belly. It's hard to think of anything else because the candy is just there taunting me. It's an obsession. And I can't stop it. I constantly think about food. That's what makes this so hard. Unlike other obsessions/addictions/problems, you can't just avoid the problem because you have to eat.

And boy do I eat. I eat to procrastinate. I eat when I'm overwhelmed. I eat when I'm bored. Well, I think it'd be less effort to tell you when I don't eat. Uh...when I'm sleeping? But, I probably dream about food or eat in my dreams. So maybe that doesn't count.

Anyway this week I have been much better about following portion sizes, keeping track of what I'm eating, and counting calories. It's tedious, yes. But it stops me from going insane. Fortunately, it's been a while since I went truly crazy with food. For example, I used to make cookie dough just to eat. I also used to go through a McDonald's drive-thru on one side of town only to stop at a different one on another side of town so that the drive-thru people wouldn't judge me. Now, however, I honestly can't remember the last time I had McDonald's and I'm pretty sure I haven't made cookie dough since January - maybe even December.

So, I'm making progress. This is good. And I'm really excited for this weekend's post on some of the progress I've made with my clothes. But, for now, you must settle for the pictures of what I ate today:

Lunch

Lunch included kiwi - I love kiwi!

Dinner before volunteering at the hospital

Snack for after the gym (after volunteering): luna bar, orange, and organic vanilla almond milk

I hope this resonated with some of you. If not, thanks for reading because it's hard to divulge how much more of a lunatic I am.

Do you have any obsessions or compulsions? How often do you think of food? Do you plan out your meals beforehand? Please be as honest as you are comfortable being. I think it'd help me to hear from others. Thanks in advance!