Poolside studying

I am finally done with nights. Last night was the last one. And now I'm fucked into trying to switch back to days and a normal sleep schedule in less than 24 hours. Great. But today was great. I woke up, did a quick pick-up around the apartment, and headed to Kalamazoo to hang out with my sister. We did some poolside studying and she let me do my laundry for free.

I wish I had access to a pool like this everyday. I'd always be there! 

Anywho, tomorrow is supposed to be a weigh-in. I'm not sure the scale will have gone in the direction I wanted - I didn't get in nearly as much gym time as I wanted nor did I eat during my night shifts. But, I guess we'll see.

Also, motivational May is over. I tried to blog everyday. Working nights totally got in the way of that. But, this month I'm going to push myself a bit more. I will continue to blog as much as possible and I want to start running again. Not because I like it, but because I have a 5k in August and I'd rather not struggle the whole time. I think I'm going to do a couch to 5k program. My friend shared a website she used and I think I'll give that a try. I'll keep you updated.

Alright - I'll catch you guys later. I want to get to bed as soon as possible so I can get up early/get my sleep schedule back on track.

Another one of those posts...

Alright. I can't tell you how many times I've written posts like this. Well, I probably could if I wanted to take the time and look through all my old posts, but I don't want to do that. What I do like to re-read are nice e-mails, old text conversations, and old facebook conversations. Also, all the Harry Potter books. In fact, I re-read the entire Harry Potter series once a year (typically in the summer). Anyway, back to the original topic: posts that I write all the time.

I am not committed to this weight loss thing. I'm just not. I'm not saying that I don't want to be, I'm just saying that my current behaviors are mostly (like 99.7%) not conducive to losing weight. Here's a list as to why.

1. When eating out, I'm a free woman! Anything and everything! Calories be damned!
2. Packing food. I fucking hate it. I would rather have every single piece of my body hair tweezed out than pack a lunch, a snack, whatever it may be. I would rather re-do my surgery rotation for two years straight (which requires a 4:00 a.m. wake-up daily and multiple 24 hour shifts) than pack food. I would rather listen to someone chewing with their mouth open than pack food. However awful the thought that you're having is - I'd rather do that than pack good.
3. In the same vein, I hate cooking. It takes time. I don't want to think that far ahead.
4. Fast food and drive thrus are so damn convenient.
5. Giving a shit is so much harder than not giving a shit.

I know that all sounds pathetic and lazy and stupid, but I'm not sure how to recommit myself (again). I have been good about going to the gym, so there's that. Buuuuut, as far as controlling my eating, I struggle. And to be honest, I know there's no quick fix. I know it's hard. I know it sucks. And I know that in order to be committed, I need to talk about it with others. I know I need to log calories. I know I need to behave myself. I need to take pictures. I need to blog. I need to be effing shameless about my goals. But I also need to have goals. And they need to be realistic.

So, here we go:

1. Two pounds a week. My goal used to be three pounds a week when I had a personal trainer, but I had a lot more time to dedicate to exercise back in the day. So, I'm going to settle for two (WHICH IS STILL A LOT)
2. No eating after 8:00 p.m.
3. No drive thrus, fast food, or ordering take out. No. Bad. None. Don't even think about it.
4. Pack food. It's going to suck. I'm going to hate it. I'm going to bitch about it all the time. And then I'm going to post pictures, damn it.
5. BLOG. And then blog again. And when the world is caving in and all I want to do is do nothing, I will blog again.
• Currently, I would like to do a challenge called Motivational May where I blog every single day and write either one good thing about the day, one good thing about myself, or one good thing about someone else. You know, to motivate myself to see the positive a bit more cuz if I have to write something positive, I'll have to look for the positive more. IT MAKES SENSE.

So, I'm charging up my camera. And we're doing this. You and Me. Also, I'm doing a weigh-in tomorrow. DO NOT JUDGE ME FOR THE WEIGHT GAIN/we all start somewhere.