Family photos and the subsequent mind fuck

On Wednesday, we had family photos. We try to color coordinate annually and often end up doing either white and blue or maroon, white, and blue. This year was a slight variation: maroon and blue only. When I peeked in my closet on Monday in preparation for these photos, I had some things that could work, but the fit wasn't great. Since resuming my weight loss journey about two years ago, I've lost 50 pounds. Thus, things don't quite fit the same. That being said, my time is very limited these days and so I had about two hours the day of photos to go shopping. I first stopped at Maurice's and was happy as a Larry to discover that I could shop on their plus size side as well as in the larger sizes on their "normal" side. Despite this, I only found one shirt that would maybe work. But, it was an XL instead of a plus size! Next, I stopped at Lane Bryant. This is a store solely for us plus size ladies. I found a lot of good stuff there and pulled my usual size. Carla, one of the sales ladies, helped me get into a room and I asked if she'd be willing to run to get me new sizes as I'd lost some weight and had avoided going shopping for a while now. She agreed and then I put on my normal size and was pleased to discover it was large on me. She had a lot of running to do to help me find things that fit well and I spent hella money. Now I have a bunch of 14/16 clothes. For reference, I started this journey in a 22/24.

Now, I've lost a significant amount of weight before and then gained most of it back, so I don't know if it was this shopping experience, but I've been in my head a ton lately about gaining it back. Despite being consistent with my healthier changes - meeting a 10k step goal every day for 134 days, eating more fruit, trying to hydrate as much as possible - I've been eating outside of my norm this week. I've been eating more often (I've been so. hungry. all. the. time.) and eating things I would normally try to minimize eating. And I haven't done my usual, "Well, I've already fucked the day, so I may as well keep going," thing that I would normally do, but I've been disappointed in myself. I also haven't done much more than my 10k steps per day this week in terms of exercise. There was one night when I could have watched my TV while walking on my Peloton, but I just wanted to veg. So, I did. 

This morning, in my attempt to pull myself out of this funk, I did a 30 minute Peloton session and did some running and was able to do it without wanting to die, which is an accomplishment. I don't know why, given that it'd been a week since my last intense workout, that I didn't think I could do it, but I was pretty convinced of my suckiness before starting. So, being done was really nice. 

I'm still kind of in this mind fuck and so we'll see where this week takes us!

So, how hot is that?

So, Cedar Point was mostly awesome. I say mostly because it was hot as balls - how hot is that by the way? 98.6°F or a little less because of...um...gravity? Well, it was about 94°F at Cedar Point yesterday, so perhaps it really was hot as balls. Anywho, it was also mostly awesome because I fit in everything...except Wicked Twister. Nasur crapped out on us for Wicked Twister because, well, his first roller coaster experience was this year and some of the big ones are simply too terrifying for his little African brain to handle. While waiting in line [for less than 10 minutes - wooo!], Danny said to me that the only coaster he was afraid I wouldn't fit on was Wicked Twister because of my boobs. I really didn't think about it too much, but then the guy ahead of me who wasn't really all that big barely fit and he didn't have boobs, so I was pretty sure I was doomed. And it didn't bother me too much, but I mean, I have fit in that ride before and I'm pretty sure my boob size wasn't significantly different. I'm pretty sure I was just larger. So I've got that to work on. I also, for the first time in my life, tried the test seats without shame, because the more mature Danika figured it was better to try the test seat than wait forever to get on a ride and not fit.

Beginning of our day

Cedar Point

With the ferris wheel

In other news, I weighed in today...and yikes...

I'm not all that surprised, to be honest. My scrub pants are getting tighter, my bras and underwear are feeling smaller, and my face just looks fuller. 

So, I've got some goals for the month of September:

1. Finish eating at 8pm every day
2. Track calories as much as possible and guess when unsure
3. Hit up the gym 3-5 times per week
4. Skip the dessert
5. Lose at least 8 pounds

I'm hoping these will be easy goals to stick to. The calorie tracking is going to take some work - it's hard to remember sometimes. The gym trips won't be so hard if I just go after work - it's hard to go if I don't go right after work. Skipping the dessert won't be so hard this month because I'm on primary care and mostly away from the workroom where all the goodies live. And hopefully by following 1-4, losing at least 8 pounds will be easy. Wish me luck!

Panini and watermelon for lunch

Flatbread pizza for dinner, which I gobbled up without photographing

Protein smoothie to help keep me full for longer

Really messed up

There are two reasons I didn't blog this weekend. The first is because I got to hang out with some of my friends from out of town this weekend (which was amazing), but the second is because I was too embarrassed/ashamed to blog.

On Friday, I ate the remaining cookies that I made on Thursday. By myself. I put them in a tupperware to take to work, but because I had to drive to a conference about a half hour away, I ended up munching on them on the way to work. And there came a point while I was eating them that I felt like gross about it, but kept going because I just wanted them all gone and obviously, eating them was the best way to do that. Stupid, I know. And then because I'd screwed up so badly already, I ordered pizza for dinner. However, I tossed more than half of it because I knew I shouldn't be eating it. In addition to that, I neglected going to the gym because well, I was all like "I fucked up. I should just wallow in it." So, that's stupid. And I almost didn't go this morning, but I reminded myself how much I neglected myself this weekend and told myself that if I don't have to be at work until 10, there's no reason not to go to the gym in the morning and just get it out of the way. And naturally, I felt awesome while I was doing my cardio (so I should have gone this weekend).

Today at work, however, was stupid. It was my first day in the ER and rather than have an attending or real ER resident there with me so that I could learn from them on how things work, I was stuck in a module all by myself. With the psych patients, who were mostly intoxicated in addition to being off all meds. It was rough. And I don't mean to imply anything about psych patients, but they're generally harder to deal with when you don't know anything and it's your first day and you're all alone.

Also, I gained weight. So, there's that. But given last week, I'm not surprised. However, today was a fasting day, so maybe I undid some of the damage...?

Today's weigh-in

Fasting breakfast

Dinner, which was over 300 calories because of the bread, but I'd already committed

From this weekend:

Two friends, two countries

Ambassador bridge connecting Canada and America over the Detroit River

Fountain on Belle Isle

Lake St. Clair

Pulled pork slider

Sunday Funday friends

Bacon fried rice

Michigan station - feature in Transformers

Pretty coffee and cake (not mine, but they were so pretty!)

Fountain in downtown Detroit

Guardian Building

Tomorrow I have plans to hit up the gym in the morning for some cardio and then do a legit strength training workout in the afternoon since I'm only in clinic in the morning tomorrow.

What do you do when you have a bad eating day? Clearly, I made mine in to a bad weekend.

Starting off on the right foot

Today was better, but I feel as though that's typically the case on the first day of implementing some kind of change. Ask me in three weeks and I'll be able to honestly tell you how my lifestyle change is going.

Anywho, I'll do a better, more photo-packed entry tomorrow. But I need to head to bed now so I can have a productive Saturday. Cheers!

So, it's been a while...

And by a while, I mean a long while. But I think I need to get back to blogging, despite most people having given up on my blog by this point.

So, let's do some quick updates and move on to why I've come back here.

Second year ending
My last post was near the end of my school year last year, which ended rather anticlimactically. Then came summer, during which I had to study for my first set of board exams. Let me tell you, that was rough. So, so rough. The test is about 8 hours in length and tests you over literally everything you've learned in your first two years of medical school...and some things that you'll swear you never learned. It was miserable studying all day every day. I can't tell you how relieved I am that I passed. I never want to be that miserable, stressed, and literally sick to my stomach again.

Third year starting
The good news is that third year is infinitely better than second year thus far. We get to interact with patients and start learning how to do all the things that we came to medical school for in the first place. I was a bit nervous about hating third year, but it's more of where I belong. My first two months were my surgery rotation, which I liked, but the hours and some of the people were rough. We usually worked from 5 a.m. to 6 p.m. That's too much. Then we had a week of nights, a week on trauma, and some 26 hour calls. Blech. Not fun.

Now I'm on my family medicine rotation. People are much nicer and it's definitely got more patient contact hours than does surgery. So far, it's okay. But I'm only two weeks in. I'm definitely liking the hours better and the people are much more kind than the surgery folks.

Why I'm back to blogging
Well, it should surprise no one that I've gained a bit of weight. With surgery, I was able to guarantee myself 2 gym visits a week and there was a lot of procrastination and mindless munching. Now that I'm on family and have a little bit more me time, I'm going to dedicate some more time to that.

Tomorrow will be a weigh-in day and a goal setting day.

Cheers!

Fastest mile ever!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It's just that when I get off track, I stop blogging. And last week, I was waaaay off track. It all started with not sleeping enough Monday, getting pretty sick during the week and figuring, "Eh. Screw it. Who needs to go to the gym and eat well more than one day a week?" Um, me. Thanks for pointing that out, scale.

Since I'm up a few pounds, I wanted to set a new goal for myself. In exactly two months, I head back to Uganda. So, in exactly two months, I want to lose 20 pounds. I know that's pretty hefty. But if I can avoid binge eating and manage to stay on track with going to the gym, I know that I can do it. It averages about three pounds a week. So, my goal for next week is 217.2 pounds. I promise to post what I've got.

Also, I want to celebrate something small (read: HUGE) for me. Today, I ran a mile at 6.0mph. Yesterday, while I was doing my 5k, I decided to challenge myself and see how fast I could run comfortably and I settled at 6.0mph. So, I figured I would try doing that for an entire mile today. I know, I know. A 10 minute mile really isn't a big deal. But, considering I started at 5.0mph, I think it's pretty awesome. We'll see if I can run my 5k tomorrow at 6.0mph. Since I've been taking walking breaks every mile, I'm pretty sure I can pull it off if I really want to. Guess we shall see.

Anyway, the rest of the day was pretty crappy and bureaucratic. But, it was my friend Sarah's birthday, so we went out for some Indian food tonight that was pretty delicious.

Also, the company was great. And when I got home, I helped my sister name her new kitten. Welcome, to the family, Winston! What an adorable little guy.