As I eat my snacks, I usually think about the next thing I'm going to eat. And when I'm just sitting around, I think about food. A lot. When I drive past certain parts of the town, I think about my proximity to the awesome cookie place. Usually, I try to avoid driving near it lest my car magically steer itself to the bakery. When I'm at the gym and an ad plays for some fast food, my thoughts immediately halt and focus on that. When I'm at my mom's house, I'm usually always thinking about food because there's a drawer with tons of candy in it. And I want it all in my belly. It's hard to think of anything else because the candy is just there taunting me. It's an obsession. And I can't stop it. I constantly think about food. That's what makes this so hard. Unlike other obsessions/addictions/problems, you can't just avoid the problem because you have to eat.
And boy do I eat. I eat to procrastinate. I eat when I'm overwhelmed. I eat when I'm bored. Well, I think it'd be less effort to tell you when I don't eat. Uh...when I'm sleeping? But, I probably dream about food or eat in my dreams. So maybe that doesn't count.
Anyway this week I have been much better about following portion sizes, keeping track of what I'm eating, and counting calories. It's tedious, yes. But it stops me from going insane. Fortunately, it's been a while since I went truly crazy with food. For example, I used to make cookie dough just to eat. I also used to go through a McDonald's drive-thru on one side of town only to stop at a different one on another side of town so that the drive-thru people wouldn't judge me. Now, however, I honestly can't remember the last time I had McDonald's and I'm pretty sure I haven't made cookie dough since January - maybe even December.
So, I'm making progress. This is good. And I'm really excited for this weekend's post on some of the progress I've made with my clothes. But, for now, you must settle for the pictures of what I ate today:
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| Lunch |
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| Lunch included kiwi - I love kiwi! |
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| Dinner before volunteering at the hospital |
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| Snack for after the gym (after volunteering): luna bar, orange, and organic vanilla almond milk |
I hope this resonated with some of you. If not, thanks for reading because it's hard to divulge how much more of a lunatic I am.
Do you have any obsessions or compulsions? How often do you think of food? Do you plan out your meals beforehand? Please be as honest as you are comfortable being. I think it'd help me to hear from others. Thanks in advance!
Hello dear. I commented on your last two posts as well :) FYI. (I got behind. sorry!)
ReplyDeleteSo, I also think about food a lot. Not as much, but mostly "Who would judge me for eating this right now?" Kinda stuff. Usually I don't care cuz I live alone so usually when I open the fridge I hit my mouth up with some whipped cream. It just kinda happens. ya know? I really should plan out my meals, but with grad school, i just feel like i don't have time to eat, so i eat junk. blech. :(
I think my real obsession is twisting my hair. I've been trying to stop for a long time. but it's so comforting. i can't even describe it. it calms me down. just writing about it right now i want to do it. i can feel the hair between my fingers and im anxious NOT doing it. it's like, this utter sense of relief when i finally let myself twist. ive never ever met anyone else who does this, or if they do play with their hair, feels this way about it. ive even asked hair dressers and none of them have heard of it or know a way to stop it. i actually got on the website for TLC's "My Strange Obsession" but I don't need to go public with this. that'd be awkward. but yeah. it's so hard to quit, cuz hair grows back and i don't pull out enough to have it really show. and it's not embarrassing or anything so it's not something i HAVE to quit. which makes it harder. i have tried substituting things like, rubbing the webbing between my fingers to try and get the same feeling (not the same at all, helps slightly) and running my hands through my hair without the twisting (does nothing for me). *shrug* idk what to do anymore. buuut i do know that i love you Danika! <3 cant wait to seeee you!
I think about food a lot too. Waaaaaay too often. Living alone is bad because I can eat without people judging me for what I am eating. I hate going out to eat with people that don't finish their meal, because I always want to finish mine and could probably eat theirs too. For a few weeks, I was driving to Kroger every sunday to buy ice cream and red velvet cake slices... not a good habit. And at work, if there is free food I always eat it, even if I just ate lunch. So, you are not alone in these feelings, I promise :)
ReplyDeleteI'm definitely super self-conscious of being judged for what I'm eating. So any time I'm eating more unhealthy foods than other people, I'm pretty sure they think to themselves ... "and that is why she's fat..."
ReplyDeleteAnd fast-food, in all of its grossness, is my weakness. :-/
@Lisa: I think your hair twisting is really interesting. It made me think about what types of feelings I get while I'm eating. Mostly I don't think I feel an overwhelming sense of tension relieving, but after eating a bunch of stuff I shouldn't, I definitely feel ashamed.
ReplyDelete@Anna: I honestly think one of the reasons I was so successful in losing weight freshman year was because Co was there and the fear of her judging me was greater than my desire for food. Haha - she probably didn't care at all, but it was good motivation for me.
@Kirsten: I feel the same way! When going out to eat with people for the first time, I usually try to eat less and slower so that they don't judge me. Around friends, I just gobble up everything. I'm guessing I think about my eating process more than other people as well.