Fear of failure and a weigh-in

Upon embarking on this weight loss journey [again], I realized I needed to fit in exercise somewhere. Keeping moving is one thing, but upping my strength and my cardiovascular fitness is another. However, I am irrationally getting worried about going back to the gym. With COVID, we canceled our gym memberships. This wasn't a huge deal as I decided I'd just work out on our elliptical in the basement. However, that flared up my knee and then I stopped doing that altogether. I did a few elliptical workouts here and there once my knee felt better, but I haven't been consistent. So, now I want to work on consistency. Enter Mom guilt. 

For the life of me, I couldn't figure out when would be a good time to exercise. I used to do it right after work because once I'm home, it takes a lot of effort to go out again. But, if I go right after work, it takes even more time away from my time with the kids. And working as much as I do, I didn't want to sacrifice more time. So, then I figured I could exercise after the kids were in bed. But, exercising at 8/8:30 doesn't exactly appeal to me. So, what about exercise before the kids wake up? Hard pass. I already feel like I don't get enough sleep, so sacrificing some for exercise? Never going to happen. So, I've changed my work hours. Normally, I'm in the office from 9-4. However, In about 3 weeks, I'm changing my hours to 8-3. This will allow me to use the time from 3-4 to go to the gym and be consistent about it. That being said, I'm still scared to go.

One of the things I have a hard time with is fear of failure/not feeling perfect. When I head back to the gym, I'll be starting from zero. This will be depressing. For several reasons: 

1. I used to be fit and now I'm not
2. Exercising in front of fit people is embarrassing
3. There aren't a ton of machines where I go to the gym and I feel unworthy of using machines when other fit folks are around - it's like I think they deserve it more

I'm not exactly sure how I'm going to tackle that one. I think it'll help that I'm not at the gym during peak hours (before or after traditional work hours) and I think it'll help that I already know how to use most machines. It'll just be hard to remember that no one else is thinking about me as much as I am.

Any thoughts on how to feel more confident once I start heading back to the gym?

Food photos:

Breakfast

Other part of breakfast

Turkey meximelts for lunch: turkey meat, pico, cheese, and low carb tortilla

Watermelon with lunch

Homemade chicken pad thai for dinner

Aaaaand, this week's weigh-in!

Four pounds down from last week!