Skinny bitches

I've wanted to write about this before, but never had the balls to do it. Now before you worry that I'm doing medical experiments on myself and now magically have balls, allow me to assure you that I am talking about metaphorical balls. Which, by the way, I'm not entirely sure why "having balls" makes you so strong. Really, it should be that you've never had the boobs to do it. Because, seriously, women are way tougher than men (and women are the ones with boobs - trust me, I'm going to be a doctor). I digress.


Today, I'm going to talk about skinny bitches. Now before you say to yourself, "But I'm skinny. Does she think I'm a bitch?" No. "Seriously?" Suuuuure. "Not even in secret?" In secret? Okay, yes. Yes. A thousand times yes.


Just kidding.


Mostly, I'm talking about myself...again. It is my blog after all. A lot of this is going to seem harsh, like I'm stereotyping, and like I'm the one who's a bitch. And that's probably because it is harsh, I am stereotyping, and I am a bitch. So, here we go!


I am sick and tired of women talking about how they wish they could lose 3 pounds. Or how they wish they could look like a super model. Or how they wish they could fit into a size zero. Whenever I hear things like this, I roll my eyes, and think about how shallow these women are. I think about how looking at them makes me feel like a fat ass. I think about how if I could just be their size, I'd be so, so happy and probably would feel like a super model. I think about how I'm so self conscious about eating around them. I think about how pathetic I feel when the skinny bitch who's having dinner with me stops eating three bites in (because "she's full") and I'm struggling to stop myself from eating all of my dinner and her dinner. I think about how I want to be able to go shopping at any store I see and fit into all of the clothes. I think about how free they must feel because they don't spend half their day thinking about food. I think about how many men would prefer to be around them over me, simply due to appearance. I think about how much happier I would be if losing 3 pounds was all I had to lose to be happy. And I think about how gross I feel for being so big. It's exhausting thinking all these things.


And it feels as though, when skinny bitches around me say things like this, that they're judging me. Like they think I'm some fat, lazy slob who can't help herself. Like I'm someone to be pitied. Like I'm not as good as them.


Now, I have no way of knowing what they're thinking or feeling. I doubt they even think anything about me, but sometimes I feel so insecure just because of the mere presence of a girl who is significantly skinner and prettier than me (a.k.a is a skinny bitch). It's pathetic. It's silly. It's probably not natural. And it's what I do every time I'm around one of them. I can't help it.


And yes, I'm aware that it's jealousy. I'm aware that I want to have what they have. I'm aware that I would switch bodies with them in a heartbeat if it were an option. I'm aware that they have what I can't seem to get.


I'm also aware that for me, being skinny is associated with being healthy. With being able to climb three flights of stairs without being winded. With being able to wear whatever the hell I want. With being able to look down at the scale and see a 1 as the first number, instead of a 2. With being happy eating just one serving of dessert. With enjoying going to the gym. With not freaking out about going out and being perceived as attractive.


And then I realize that perhaps the skinny bitches aren't the shallow ones. Perhaps it's me.